Love: Today, a cute girl was telling me about her weird fetishes. I...

By Anonymous - 10/02/2015 14:51 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, a cute girl was telling me about her weird fetishes. I jokingly said, "Remind me never to have sex with you". She replied, "Don't worry, I have standards". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 499

You deserved it 20 919

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Same thing different taste

By Malarky - 23/06/2016 19:10 - United States

Today, I had a cute girl over and we cuddled on my bed. Later she texted me that she had decided that she didn't want to ever do that again because it turned her on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 247

You deserved it 1 240

No

By grlks - 19/02/2009 07:08 - United States

Today, I told a girl that I liked her. She replied, "Don't." FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 108

You deserved it 5 888

By Anonymous - 20/04/2013 23:08 - United States - Denver

Today, I overheard the guy I like talking to one of his friends about me. His friend asked if he and I were dating, to which he replied, "No way, dude. I have standards." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 784

You deserved it 4 881

By CUCKOO - 26/10/2013 21:27 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a blind date. The girl seemed perfect for me, until I found out she says "lol" and "rofl" out loud whenever she laughs. She also believes sex screws with people's "spiritual energy", and that's why she'll never have it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 371

You deserved it 5 050

Let down

By colts609380 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Corona

Today, I finally gained the nerve to ask out the girl of my dreams. She responded by saying, "You need to lower your standards." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 283

You deserved it 3 247

Honesty is the best policy

By Anonymous - 19/06/2020 02:00

Today, I finally went on a date with a girl I've been talking to for 2 years. She is my dream girl, picture perfect and I love her with all my heart. So I asked her, half jokingly, if I was her dream guy. Her reply? "Don't ask me something you don't want to hear the answer of." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 424

You deserved it 1 260

Show and tell

By Boyufd - 22/04/2020 23:00

Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 179

You deserved it 313

Comedian

By WoofWoof - 27/09/2020 14:01 - Pakistan - Islamabad

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that getting on all fours and barking at my penis for fun in the center of a mall is extremely inappropriate. She thinks otherwise, and promises to do it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 412

You deserved it 419

By donuts678 - 16/08/2015 23:37 - United States - Passaic

Today, at the camp that I work at, a little girl asked to "feel" my muscles. Thinking it was cute, I flexed for her. She laughed and said, "No, really." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 314

You deserved it 8 216

By well then - 30/05/2015 05:40 - United States - Forest Park

Today, my girlfriend randomly confessed to basically having a "phobia" of monogamy. But don't worry, she defensively assured me she's never ever cheated on me, even though I never said she had, so I guess that's okay then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 793

You deserved it 2 465

DonkeyTeeth2013 22

Wednesday 11 February 2015 0:38

Well, you asked for it!

ninjahesten 18

Wednesday 11 February 2015 0:36

apply cold water to that burn..

Comments

Nagi 21

Wednesday 11 February 2015 3:22

Oh shit... I felt that burn

uchihadesendent 14

Wednesday 11 February 2015 3:36

ouch I know how that feels good luck op

Batur 2

Wednesday 11 February 2015 3:42

I want to know your reaction. lol

classicsparkles 17

Wednesday 11 February 2015 4:29

I feel like a burn is an insta-reaction for any form of insult or regection so, ydi.

HeWillBeLoved105 22

Wednesday 11 February 2015 5:15

Why were yins talking about that?

Tannasgh 22

Wednesday 11 February 2015 5:52

You will regret opening your mouth when you get older...

fader48080 10

Wednesday 11 February 2015 7:10

sorry but you kind of walked headlong into that one

star_dust_babe 12

Wednesday 11 February 2015 7:47

Hahaha in point! Ydi

kp1992 7

Wednesday 11 February 2015 8:38

Roasted!

pcgwm 13

Wednesday 11 February 2015 9:29

OOOOHHHH BUUUURN!!! Lmfao, made my night

Keywords

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The Top

Today, after a few of my friends decided to drink last night, and my best friend ended up getting very drunk and confessing to my boyfriend that she loves him, her brother came over and gave me a lecture about responsibilities. I don't know what's worse, the lecture or the fact that her brother is my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 898

You deserved it 164

Today, a girl I'd been talking to all night actually wanted to come home with me. Stopped to buy condoms. Got home, clothes came off, took out a condom. "Sorry, I'm allergic to latex". She left in a cab. I'm a 27-year old virgin for another night and now have a box of condoms to remind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 117

You deserved it 3 239

The Top

Today, my dad approached two girls at a store and told them I'd crashed into their car. They didn't find it funny either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 353

You deserved it 2 043

Today, it was my first day working at a milking parlor. As I crouched behind a cow to put on an udder cluster, I looked up and gasped just in time for the cow to crap on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 870

You deserved it 7 088

Today, a guy I like tried to talk to me. I got so nervous that I had a panic attack and puked in front of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 744

You deserved it 401

Today, at midnight, I heard my son calling for his mom. I stopped by his room and asked him what was wrong? He didn't tell me. Instead, he said: "Oh, I don't need you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 881

You deserved it 216

Today, I got a red light camera ticket for $100 in the mail. After checking the date and time, I realized it was from when I was rear ended into the intersection while STOPPED at a red light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 760

You deserved it 2 367

Today, I told my boyfriend how my mom died when I was 11 after crashing her car into a tree at night. He muttered "Women drivers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 533

You deserved it 3 235