Intimacy: Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk...

By depressed - 22/02/2010 07:23 - United States

Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 823

You deserved it 26 498

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 13/11/2010 05:20 - United States

Today, the girl that I have been trying to get with for over a year told me she was drunk and just gave her first blowjob to some guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 626

You deserved it 4 799

The wrong kind of banging

By BRELLA - 03/02/2009 19:58 - United States

Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with a girl from home who I'd wanted for a long time. She has low blood pressure problems though, and when things got hot, she passed out while she was on top of me, fell and hit her head on the night stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 111

You deserved it 3 951

Waste moment

By Anonymous - 10/02/2020 20:00

Today, I went out drinking with my friends and my boyfriend met me there. We decided then to come home and planned an intimate moment. I got on top of him and went to kiss his neck. Next thing I know, I fell asleep right before we started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 000

You deserved it 1 350

By TheOtherWoman - 20/07/2009 07:10 - United States

Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 032

You deserved it 12 794

I did a sex

By Anonymous - 17/05/2021 05:02 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me that last night after I got drunk, I passed out mid-pump while we were knocking boots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 1 186

By Anonymous - 29/03/2009 19:09 - United States

Today, I finally convinced a girl that I liked to have sex. I decided to swoop her off the feet like the movies and carry her to my bed. I ended up hitting her head on the door frame, knocking her out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 066

You deserved it 86 735

By H-B - 28/04/2009 08:53 - United States

Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 603

You deserved it 88 959

By Matt - 13/07/2012 19:06 - United States

Today, I woke up in a daze after a long night drinking. I felt a subtle nudge on my shoulder. I was at my ex-girlfriend's house, passed out on top of her, with no pants on. Her dad was, in so many words, informing me that I had to leave immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 346

You deserved it 57 819

With friends like these…

By marz88 - 24/10/2009 18:27 - United States

Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 698

You deserved it 7 135

It wasn't me

By curiousorange - 05/07/2009 15:58 - United Kingdom

Today, I met a great girl at a party. We talked alone, and she made me promise I'd dance with her later. When I saw her later, she was unconscious, and in an ambulance. She'd collapsed, and the entire party assumed I'd spiked her drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 567

You deserved it 3 046

zebra_pillow 0

Monday 22 February 2010 16:07

why would you f**k a drunk girl anyways that's like rape

its_milly_silly 0

Monday 22 February 2010 16:07

YDI for trying to get it from a drunk chick... so... wrong!

Comments

anhill88 0

Monday 22 February 2010 17:38

CREEPER. one day some one is gonna **** u in the ass while ur drunk. lol

heavyset 0

Tuesday 23 February 2010 0:20

ouch

Raywynnn 0

Monday 22 February 2010 17:40

dude, I'd be contented having my crush just pass out on me like that.

Heavyrocklegend 3

Monday 22 February 2010 17:42

UDI for trying to take advantage u prick

miek 0

Monday 22 February 2010 18:07

haha wow some people have no game

iknowthatguy 0

Monday 22 February 2010 18:09

It will work out, she will think you're a nice guy for not taking advantage of her.

punisher113 0

Monday 22 February 2010 18:19

and then...

Oreogasm 5

Monday 22 February 2010 18:45

use roofies next time

samuelmartin 0

Tuesday 23 February 2010 2:16

haha nice bame

jennadol95 0

Monday 22 February 2010 19:16

You watched her? Dude, you are freakin wierd. 1-800-DESPERATE is waiting for you bud.

Erindub 0

Monday 22 February 2010 20:42

You were really going to **** this poor girl in her drunkin moment?!? Jesus, no wonder you can't get a girl...you're a complete jackass!

razz122 5

Monday 22 February 2010 21:00

Atleast she didn't vomit all over your car.

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The Top

Today, I was at the gym on the elliptical. Feeling proud of myself for finishing a very intense workout, I looked to my left to see that the maintenance guy fixing the machine next to me had burned more calories testing the machine than I did during my entire workout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 580

You deserved it 5 576

Today, my nosey louse of a coworker went to HR and told them I was snorting drugs at my desk. I was using nasal saline, as the dry winter weather wreaks havoc on my sinuses. The fact that they even brought me in pisses me off beyond words. FML

I agree, your life sucks 479

You deserved it 78

The Top

Today, I shattered my iPhone screen. Pieces of glass are chipping out and can easily slice up any idiot who slides their finger across the screen. Unfortunately, I was that idiot. There's blood in the cracks of my screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 433

You deserved it 6 734

Today, my husband and I went to the bank to figure out why our loan process has been such a pain in the ass, and why we can never get in contact with our lender. The bank said he quit last week. Guess he didn't think to tell anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 096

You deserved it 70

Today, I tried making homemade bread, just for fun. My girlfriend started yelling that we had perfectly good bread from the store, "but noooo, my boyfriend just HAS to make his own bread!" She ended up ruining the experience, so I just threw the dough in the garbage and went to get drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 850

You deserved it 182

Today, marks the third girlfriend in a row that has broken up with me for my terrible dandruff. I can't control it as I was born with psoriasis. All three girls called me pathetic for "making up" a disease to try to get them to stay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 311

You deserved it 1 973

Today, I had a friend tell me all about how being a vegan was so great. They were eating eggs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 500

You deserved it 3 125

Today, I just got done watching my cousin's two kids for four days while they were on vacation. I fed, clothed, and bathed them for four days of hell and got paid with a $5 shark tooth necklace from the Bahamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 003

You deserved it 5 355