Intimacy: Today, after a shower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking... - FML

By Lockedinroom - 05/02/2013 16:18 - United States

Spicy

Today, after a shower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking off in the shower because I was taking a long time. Before I could respond, my mom chimed in with, "No, he does it before he showers, haven't you noticed how he locks himself in his room?" She was right on the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 409

You deserved it 13 921

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 22/07/2017 05:29 - United States - Irving

Spicy

Today, my dad unlocked the bathroom door and barged in without warning only to catch me, with no clothes on, masturbating. He said, "sorry" but stayed for another 20 seconds to look for his shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 173

You deserved it 1 277

By jack s.b. - 14/11/2013 22:15 - United States - Austin

Spicy

Today, my dad walked in on me jacking off. He swore and told me to lock my door next time. Later on I heard him snickering and telling my mom that I "jack off real weird." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 063

You deserved it 16 429

By Cynical - 30/03/2009 03:49 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 207

You deserved it 37 101

By unknown - 13/12/2011 02:04 - United States

Today, my dad walked in on me using the bathroom. After rushing out, he yelled at me through the door for not locking it. He made up the "no locking the doors inside the house" rule. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 377

You deserved it 3 128

By Anonymous user - 09/08/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, my mom laughed about hearing me singing in the shower and told our whole family. I wasn't singing, though. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 046

You deserved it 2 955

Classy

By bkay26 - 29/08/2010 15:37 - United States

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my mom giving my dad head. Acting like I hadn't seen anything, I asked if I could use a towel sitting on the dresser. My mom said, "No, we're going to need that one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 808

You deserved it 7 657

Earbleach

By Anonymous - 01/05/2013 16:13 - United States

Today, I was getting ready, when I heard my dad in the shower. He was singing along to the song "The Wheel in the Sky" by Journey, except he'd changed the lyrics and was singing, "The dick on this guy needs a rubbin'." It turns out my mom was in the shower with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 429

You deserved it 5 580

By obtuse_ballsack - 04/06/2012 20:37 - Croatia - Zagreb

Today, I desperately needed to pee, but my mom was in the bathroom taking a shower, so I waited patiently until she finished. Just as I was about to go in, my half-naked dad rushed ahead, said "Going somewhere, son?" and shut the door on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 717

You deserved it 2 759

By Damian - 22/04/2011 11:11

Spicy

Today, my mom confused me with my dad. She got in the shower with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88 981

You deserved it 6 664

Realistic

By IBleedArbor - 16/02/2009 22:59 - United States

Spicy

Today, my dad told me to take my stress out by getting a girlfriend. My mom laughed and said, "No that won't work, just go jack off in the shower again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 301

You deserved it 5 027

Next

Top comments

darlinjai 18

Tuesday 5 February 2013 19:07

Maybe you need to switch things up a bit...

ThatPlankton 15

Tuesday 5 February 2013 19:06

Did she figure that out by your socks?

Comments

phoebe777 8

Monday 11 February 2013 1:34

lol

brittanybabe7 3

Monday 11 February 2013 6:27

all I can say is lol and sorry that sucks!

SadWIZARD123 1

Wednesday 20 March 2013 19:13

Well you should be more discreet Dont whack while there are witnesses nearby

DevilsMetsGiants 30

Wednesday 22 May 2013 8:47

Do it at night when they're sleeping

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Embarrassing Work Sleep Dating Love Annoying Am I overreacting? Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts Fight Cops Drugs Neighbours Medication Relatable Dogs Animals Teenagers Gamers Ironic Video games Job interview

The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 482

You deserved it 11 506

Good morning guys! Today's interview has been done in some extreme circumstances. It was about 36° Celsius, and half of the Completely Serious Comics crew was working while the other one was cooking. Well, it was a bit crazy as you can imagine. So m...

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 17

The Top

Today, after being upset at the fact that my phone was stolen at work, I received a note on my locker saying, "100 bucks and you get the phone back." My phone is being held for ransom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 269

You deserved it 1 921

Today, the cashier at the local grocery store in my area said that I don't look a day over 40. I'm 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 099

You deserved it 398

Today, my identical twin sister's boyfriend walked over to me, and whispered in my ear, "I know what you look like naked." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 915

You deserved it 4 481

Today, my mom read online you could train cats to relieve themselves in the toilet. Without reading any further, she took away the litter tray. My house reeks of cat piss and shit, and she still refuses to give the cat its litter tray back, insisting it'll work eventually. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 734

You deserved it 163

Today, I took my first Viagra. It worked great, but "Wally, the one-eyed wonder-weasel" would not return to "hiding". After 4 hours, I was in mortal aching pain, and went to my doctor for a shot and sedative. My wife, the doctor, and the nurse could not stifle their laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 712

You deserved it 6 763

Today, I was reading FML's birthday blog post and saw a picture of myself in it. I would've been happy if it wasn't #4 in the list of worst duckfaces of the week. FML

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You deserved it 55 181