Intimacy: Today, after a twelve week dry spell followed by an eight week...

By dasnich - 05/02/2012 03:46 - United States

Today, after a twelve week dry spell followed by an eight week one, I decided to take a bit more initiative at seducing my girlfriend. Not only was she "not in the mood" again, but she offered me Trident Layers gum instead. She apparently thought that it was a fair trade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 800

You deserved it 5 410

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Same thing different taste

Time consumed

By unendowed - 18/03/2012 02:11 - United States - Katy

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to go down on me with chewing gum in her mouth. I spent the next hour and a half getting Orbit out of my pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 414

You deserved it 11 700

By CoCo - 22/11/2008 04:03 - France

Today, my girlfriend came home with new condoms: Manix Endurance containing a numbing gel designed to help me "last longer". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 176

You deserved it 11 638

Bored

By Taylor parsons - 29/10/2010 04:48 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 436

You deserved it 7 540

By cjk004 - 15/02/2009 11:35 - United States

Today, I was trying on lingerie in the dressing room of Victoria’s Secret with my boyfriend next to me. I told my him in a seductive, playful tone “You can stay and watch if you give me a piece of your gum.” He said “No I only have three more” and left the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 759

You deserved it 6 624

Desperate

By yourmainman - 28/01/2013 05:03 - Canada

Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 937

You deserved it 15 971

By tLee - 19/07/2011 04:04 - Canada

Today, I was laying in bed making out with a girl. After trying to figure out for a while why she was spending so much time on my neck it finally hit me. She was frantically and secretly trying to remove the gum she got stuck in my hair. She failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 513

You deserved it 4 561

By Prinpette - 20/09/2011 21:20 - France

Today, to show that he really wanted me to shave myself, my boyfriend pretended to go down on me, but instead of following through, he stuck a wad of gum in my pubic hair and got back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 353

You deserved it 40 479

By Username - 18/03/2010 08:21 - France

Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 585

You deserved it 49 800

By Adam - 16/01/2017 08:00

Today, my wife decided to end our dry spell of four months and started dry humping and kissing me in bed. Things were going well until she orgasmed from the activity and declared that she was too tired to do any more, rolled over, and fell asleep. Five months or bust. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 784

You deserved it 995

By Anonymous - 11/09/2009 17:04 - United States

Today, I went to my girlfriend's and she was wearing some sexy lingerie. After making out passionately for 10 minutes, I started to undress myself, only to have her stop me, confessed that she still wasn't sexually attracted to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 294

You deserved it 4 017

spinky03 7

Sunday 5 February 2012 9:33

Maybe you're not doing it right.

Pwib 14

Sunday 5 February 2012 9:33

Brush your teeth.

Comments

Webslinger66 10

Monday 6 February 2012 17:43

I wish I got turned down with gum. Why don't I ever get paid in gum? I'm so commercialized.

Wildee 0

Monday 6 February 2012 19:10

I can't help but laugh at the comments deemed "negative" on this post. It's obvious that it isn't working (because of your efforts OR the mutual attraction) so just end it, OP. Do yourself, and her, a favour. And why thumb that down? It's not healthy to be in an adult/adolescent relationship without any sexual contact for that kind of time!

kkillaj 5

Tuesday 7 February 2012 1:59

If I were u would suspect something was up with her and another guy plus I could not go that long without sex i would talk to her and make things change or dump her

Glassmaster 0

Tuesday 7 February 2012 3:00

No one ever pays me in Trident Layers...

Roland2124 8

Tuesday 7 February 2012 4:08

Since people get paid in Trident layers gum does that make you a prostitute? just sayin

jayz78 0

Tuesday 7 February 2012 5:56

dude, weeks w/o sex... whats the point of having a steady gf? sounds like u've already been married 10 yrs. Get out now

blutigenbonbon 10

Tuesday 7 February 2012 7:22

No one pays me in gum :(

alki_fml 5

Tuesday 7 February 2012 12:28

Whatever the problem is, you need to talk to her and find out what's going on before you do anything else.

SpeakOutLoud 1

Tuesday 7 February 2012 20:52

Hey, she paid you in gum not to have sex. Those people in the Trident Layers commercials are jealous of you! xD

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Tuesday 7 February 2012 21:50

Am I the only one who was bothered by how the start of this FML was worded? A twelve week dry spell followed by an eight week one? Why not just say a 20 week dry spell?