Health: Today, as I went to kiss my date goodbye and drive home, he mistakenly...

By notonthepavement - 15/02/2016 11:04 - United States - Desoto

Today, as I went to kiss my date goodbye and drive home, he mistakenly rammed his thumb across my eye hard enough to push my contact back into my eye socket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 743

You deserved it 1 667

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Same thing different taste

By shiftybizniss - 16/04/2009 18:43 - Canada

Today, I tried to sneak up on my girlfriend who was sitting in her car with one of her girlfriends. I snuck up to the driver's side window and tried to startle her by banging on the window. The window was down. My thumb went right in her eye. She has to wear a patch for 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 190

You deserved it 69 391

By Anonymous - 04/05/2011 18:05 - United States

Today, after an extremely hard day at work, I took a hot shower to wind down a little bit. I accidentally splashed a painful amount of hot water and shampoo in my eyes. My left contact is now stuck to my eyeball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 197

You deserved it 8 972

By fuckmeintheeyewitharing - 03/07/2016 12:52 - United States - La Mesa

Today, I was polishing a ring I made at a jewelry shop I intern at. The ring flicked off my fingers and smashed me in the eye. It only took a single trip to the emergency room to make me pretty sure I won't be getting the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 807

You deserved it 1 397

By RhiannonMuh - 09/09/2016 20:01 - Germany - Starnberg

Today, I was on a date with a guy I really like. Everything went well, and then he wanted to kiss me. As he leaned towards me, I got slightly panicky and ducked out of the way, causing him to headbutt the car behind me. Now we know why I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 414

You deserved it 3 068

Don't try this at home

By Lunar-Spice - 07/11/2020 08:01

Today, I found out what it feels like to put in a contact while drunk. My eye still hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 271

You deserved it 816

Too stupid

By Anonymous - 15/02/2020 01:00

Today, I was picking my nose so aggressively that I flicked a booger right into my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 480

You deserved it 2 285

How does that happen?

By Anonymous - 10/04/2023 22:00 - Unites States

Today, I accidentally super-glued my hand to my face while trying to fix a broken pair of glasses. I yanked it off in a panic, taking a patch of my face along with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 634

You deserved it 461

Leave it to the pros

By Anonymous - 05/11/2021 00:01 - United States - Epsom

Today, I was attempting to tame my bushy eyebrows, since I'm starting a new job in a few days and need to look somewhat presentable, when I poked myself in the eye. Hard. I thought I’d blinded myself for a few moments. Now it’s just red, sore and watery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 238

By IHateMyJob - 14/09/2010 02:00 - United States

Today, while scrubbing my car with the foam brush at a car wash, the hose for the brush came whipping around and smacked me hard in the side of the head, knocking off my glasses. I got disoriented from the blow and stepped on my glasses, completely smashing them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 723

You deserved it 3 397

By RedEye - 11/07/2017 17:30 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, my contact ripped in half in my eye. One half fell out, but the other half got stuck too far under my eyelid. An hour and $100 later, Urgent Care finally got it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 643

You deserved it 336

Welshite 39

Monday 15 February 2016 18:13

He just wanted you to be blinded by love. Literally.

Bustedbutsilent 13

Monday 15 February 2016 18:13

I guess you didn't SEE that coming? I'll let myself out.

Comments

Crazion 26

Monday 15 February 2016 18:13

I seriously hope you're alright.

youdontsay123456 21

Monday 15 February 2016 18:13

That's gotta hurt like hell. Go to the doctor OP, hope your eye heals quick

Hoopachi 19

Tuesday 16 February 2016 6:09

All the puns are pretty cornea if you ask me

Bradley_Dillon 39

Wednesday 17 February 2016 1:46

If your contact lens can go behind your eye, you've got some other problems.

Bustedbutsilent 13

Monday 15 February 2016 18:13

I guess you didn't SEE that coming? I'll let myself out.

Zelphoric 25

Monday 15 February 2016 18:14

We can turn a blind eye, this time.

oreoeater 21

Monday 15 February 2016 19:44

Ive seen all I can take

spacefish966 18

Tuesday 16 February 2016 8:51

I wonder if he didn't grasp the concept of a blind date. ;)

False_Stupidity 41

Tuesday 16 February 2016 20:02

He really blind sided her with that one.

Welshite 39

Monday 15 February 2016 18:13

He just wanted you to be blinded by love. Literally.

mattzawesome 28

Monday 15 February 2016 18:14

I laughed harder then I should have at that

JZY1989 23

Monday 15 February 2016 18:14

at least it won't pop out anytime soon.

thomasmh97 10

Monday 15 February 2016 18:15

Happy valentines... Am I right?

brenton490 19

Tuesday 16 February 2016 0:39

What Valentine's? I didn't see anything.

PuppiesKisses 15

Monday 15 February 2016 18:16

I hope he didn't scratch anything while he was at it. Best of luck OP!

MOOSE786 8

Monday 15 February 2016 18:17

The question here is, was it worth it?

whysobeachy 37

Monday 15 February 2016 19:53

No.

katie1243 16

Monday 15 February 2016 18:19

I guess he was a sight for sore....EYE

Diarrhea_Volcano 29

Monday 15 February 2016 23:53

You didn't even say it right

nickie_94 18

Monday 15 February 2016 18:33

I guess your next date will be at the hospital

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The Top

Today, I finally went on a date with a guy who’s been begging to take me out for weeks. I’m terrified of dating but, after consulting with my friends, I decided to give it a shot as he seemed nice. He told me during the date that he has a girlfriend, but he just fantasizes about hooking up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 592

You deserved it 85

Today, I was sitting on the chair-lift on a ski trip. There was a shift in gears and the metal in the seat began to vibrate. My dad, sister, and step-mom were all on the lift with me, not feeling a thing. It's terribly awkward to converse with your family while you involuntarily orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 329

You deserved it 6 125

The Top

Today, I couldn't get out of bed due to severe morning sickness. I have to lay still and I can only hold in some tiny crackers. It's the second day of our two-week holiday in Turkey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 692

You deserved it 314

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a shower together for the first time. He was trying impress me and did some sort of dance move, he slipped, and when he fell he kicked my leg out causing me to fall and hit my face on the faucet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 405

You deserved it 4 241

Today, while having lunch with my grandparents, my grandpa's eyes glazed over, his head fell and he slumped in his chair. I started panicking and almost cried, thinking he was dead. Then he laughed and said "Just kidding. I'm fine." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 171

You deserved it 2 697

Today, my mother keeps nagging me to find a wife, settle down, and have kids, even though I have zero interest in any of those things. She refuses to understand that I’m perfectly content being completely on my own. She even signed me up to Tinder without my knowledge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 102

Today, a woman asked why my daughter doesn't look remotely like me. I just smiled and shrugged it off, but the truth is that she looks exactly like I did before I got my botched plastic surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 028

You deserved it 42 412

Today, I had a massive, pounding headache. I asked my mom for some painkillers and she said, "No. You don’t deserve pain relief. Ever. For anything." What? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 066

You deserved it 93

Same thing different taste

Don't try this at home

Too stupid

How does that happen?

Leave it to the pros

Top comments

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