Health: Today, as I went to kiss my date goodbye and drive home, he mistakenly...

By notonthepavement - 15/02/2016 11:04 - United States - Desoto

Today, as I went to kiss my date goodbye and drive home, he mistakenly rammed his thumb across my eye hard enough to push my contact back into my eye socket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 742

You deserved it 1 667

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Same thing different taste

By shiftybizniss - 16/04/2009 18:43 - Canada

Today, I tried to sneak up on my girlfriend who was sitting in her car with one of her girlfriends. I snuck up to the driver's side window and tried to startle her by banging on the window. The window was down. My thumb went right in her eye. She has to wear a patch for 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 189

You deserved it 69 389

By Anonymous - 04/05/2011 18:05 - United States

Today, after an extremely hard day at work, I took a hot shower to wind down a little bit. I accidentally splashed a painful amount of hot water and shampoo in my eyes. My left contact is now stuck to my eyeball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 195

You deserved it 8 971

By fuckmeintheeyewitharing - 03/07/2016 12:52 - United States - La Mesa

Today, I was polishing a ring I made at a jewelry shop I intern at. The ring flicked off my fingers and smashed me in the eye. It only took a single trip to the emergency room to make me pretty sure I won't be getting the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 804

You deserved it 1 394

By RhiannonMuh - 09/09/2016 20:01 - Germany - Starnberg

Today, I was on a date with a guy I really like. Everything went well, and then he wanted to kiss me. As he leaned towards me, I got slightly panicky and ducked out of the way, causing him to headbutt the car behind me. Now we know why I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 413

You deserved it 3 066

Don't try this at home

By Lunar-Spice - 07/11/2020 08:01

Today, I found out what it feels like to put in a contact while drunk. My eye still hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 269

You deserved it 815

Too stupid

By Anonymous - 15/02/2020 01:00

Today, I was picking my nose so aggressively that I flicked a booger right into my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 480

You deserved it 2 285

How does that happen?

By Anonymous - 10/04/2023 22:00 - Unites States

Today, I accidentally super-glued my hand to my face while trying to fix a broken pair of glasses. I yanked it off in a panic, taking a patch of my face along with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 633

You deserved it 461

Leave it to the pros

By Anonymous - 05/11/2021 00:01 - United States - Epsom

Today, I was attempting to tame my bushy eyebrows, since I'm starting a new job in a few days and need to look somewhat presentable, when I poked myself in the eye. Hard. I thought I’d blinded myself for a few moments. Now it’s just red, sore and watery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 238

By IHateMyJob - 14/09/2010 02:00 - United States

Today, while scrubbing my car with the foam brush at a car wash, the hose for the brush came whipping around and smacked me hard in the side of the head, knocking off my glasses. I got disoriented from the blow and stepped on my glasses, completely smashing them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 722

You deserved it 3 397

By RedEye - 11/07/2017 17:30 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, my contact ripped in half in my eye. One half fell out, but the other half got stuck too far under my eyelid. An hour and $100 later, Urgent Care finally got it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 643

You deserved it 336

Welshite 39

Monday 15 February 2016 18:13

He just wanted you to be blinded by love. Literally.

Bustedbutsilent 13

Monday 15 February 2016 18:13

I guess you didn't SEE that coming? I'll let myself out.

Comments

Crazion 26

Monday 15 February 2016 18:13

I seriously hope you're alright.

youdontsay123456 21

Monday 15 February 2016 18:13

That's gotta hurt like hell. Go to the doctor OP, hope your eye heals quick

Hoopachi 19

Tuesday 16 February 2016 6:09

All the puns are pretty cornea if you ask me

Bradley_Dillon 39

Wednesday 17 February 2016 1:46

If your contact lens can go behind your eye, you've got some other problems.

Bustedbutsilent 13

Monday 15 February 2016 18:13

I guess you didn't SEE that coming? I'll let myself out.

Zelphoric 25

Monday 15 February 2016 18:14

We can turn a blind eye, this time.

oreoeater 21

Monday 15 February 2016 19:44

Ive seen all I can take

spacefish966 18

Tuesday 16 February 2016 8:51

I wonder if he didn't grasp the concept of a blind date. ;)

False_Stupidity 41

Tuesday 16 February 2016 20:02

He really blind sided her with that one.

Welshite 39

Monday 15 February 2016 18:13

He just wanted you to be blinded by love. Literally.

mattzawesome 28

Monday 15 February 2016 18:14

I laughed harder then I should have at that

JZY1989 23

Monday 15 February 2016 18:14

at least it won't pop out anytime soon.

thomasmh97 10

Monday 15 February 2016 18:15

Happy valentines... Am I right?

brenton490 19

Tuesday 16 February 2016 0:39

What Valentine's? I didn't see anything.

PuppiesKisses 15

Monday 15 February 2016 18:16

I hope he didn't scratch anything while he was at it. Best of luck OP!

MOOSE786 8

Monday 15 February 2016 18:17

The question here is, was it worth it?

whysobeachy 37

Monday 15 February 2016 19:53

No.

katie1243 16

Monday 15 February 2016 18:19

I guess he was a sight for sore....EYE

Diarrhea_Volcano 29

Monday 15 February 2016 23:53

You didn't even say it right

nickie_94 18

Monday 15 February 2016 18:33

I guess your next date will be at the hospital

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I finally felt ready to make love to my boyfriend for the first time. It all went great, until I tried putting the condom on him. In the process, I managed to nick his penis not once, but three times with my nails. His eyes brimmed with tears and he completely lost his erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 139

You deserved it 28 443

Today, I had an interview for a college. The college is in Rhode Island. I live on the West coast. When I asked the interviewer if they got to the mainland by boat or by some other form of transportation, he told me Rhode Island is not an island. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 693

You deserved it 65 210

The Top

Today, I was standing in a long line at the Post Office when my 3 year-old son started rubbing up and down my leg. I asked him what he was doing and he said loudly, "I'm humping you like Simon humps me!" Everyone looked at me in shocked horror. Simon is our dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 284

You deserved it 3 371

Today, the stranger I sat next to on a plane was a better father to my son in three hours than my worthless boyfriend has been in five years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 034

You deserved it 471

Today, well, last night, I told my girlfriend that I'm a light sleeper, and that the slightest disturbance will wake me up. As a result, this morning when I looked in the mirror I noticed a bunch of stuff written all over my body, like "You see, you didn't wake up!", "Nor now!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 725

You deserved it 32 651

Today, the boy I've liked for the past 8 years asked me out and then dumped me when he realized that I was taller than he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 569

You deserved it 3 383

Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 309

You deserved it 5 081

Today, I adopted a dog from the local shelter. I put the dog in the car and he was shedding everywhere, but I was ok with that because he was my dog. As I pulled into the parking lot, the dog began to poop in the backseat of my car. When I got him out of the car, he ran off. $100 for him to poop and run away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 334

You deserved it 10 716

Same thing different taste

Don't try this at home

Too stupid

How does that happen?

Leave it to the pros

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