Work: Today, as part of my job as a performer, I had to show off my...

By Anonymous - 13/12/2011 14:00 - Malaysia

Today, as part of my job as a performer, I had to show off my skills with a switchblade in front of an audience. A kid shot a rubber band at me. I then needed stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 133

You deserved it 3 138

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By sorethumb - 15/12/2015 23:39 - United Kingdom - Bookham

Today, while observing a surgery, I was asked to open a glass ampule of adrenaline. Not only did I break it and get it everywhere, I sliced open my thumb bad enough to need stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 521

You deserved it 3 398

By tyler_powellROTC - 15/12/2016 03:43 - United States - Irving

Today, while practicing for a competition, someone decided to spin a rifle with a bayonet. I'm currently sitting in the ER with stitches in my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 227

You deserved it 553

Gammon

By Anonymous - 24/10/2022 06:00

Today, while demonstrating our new meat slicer at work, and after sharpening the blade at the end of the demonstration, I noticed some metal powder. I grabbed a rag to wipe it off, not realizing the blade was still in the “open” position. I now have six stitches and a really painful finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 310

You deserved it 939

By SteveBassist - 27/03/2018 15:00

Today, while playing on stage, the singer of my band swung his microphone around, straight into my face. I now have stitches above my right eye, and a job interview in three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 932

You deserved it 304

By Anonymous - 16/03/2012 06:02 - United States

Today, I managed to staple my finger while showing my kindergartner class how to properly use one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 375

You deserved it 24 232

By Anonymous - 16/05/2019 22:00

Today, I learned how to sharpen a knife. I sharpened it so well that it went through my finger like a lightsaber. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 651

You deserved it 487

Enjoy the weekend!

By Anonymous - 12/02/2022 06:00 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I was accidently stabbed in the shin with a pen, right before a long weekend. It will need stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 852

You deserved it 92

By Jared - 25/02/2012 19:09 - United States

Today, I got so bored that I drew a face on my index finger, and made a video of me garrotting it with a string. I ended up rupturing a blood vessel, and had to think up a cover story for my girlfriend to explain my screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 015

You deserved it 30 873

By irony - 16/08/2009 07:05 - United States

Today, I got a paper cut while opening my box of Band-Aids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 941

You deserved it 9 372

By Anonymous - 06/09/2017 07:00 - United States - Eugene

Today, while showing off the sharpness of my new katana, I missed my target and hit my shoe. The strike cut into the second toe of my right foot, which then had to be amputated. Demonstration successful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 823

You deserved it 5 007

txgirl2013 14

Tuesday 13 December 2011 18:55

Show your switch blade skills on his face.

GhettoXmuffin 7

Tuesday 13 December 2011 18:57

This is why I'm not having kids

Comments

oxmelmacxo 0

Wednesday 14 December 2011 22:57

Sue that kid.

Bless23 0

Friday 16 December 2011 1:23

How can you do tricks with a switchblade? Are you sure it's not a butterflyknife

unknownfork 12

Friday 16 December 2011 4:41

Kids these days

barleyguy 17

Friday 16 December 2011 9:07

That's why you should be more careful when playing with knives

WickedClownMCL 1

Saturday 31 December 2011 5:51

That kid would then need stiches...

tow38 7

Monday 6 February 2012 23:06

I would have bitched slapped that kid in the face

Keywords

Love Cheating Money Relatable Work Jealousy My ex Accident Health Medication ADHD Snow Weather Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird Dating AITA Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Fight

The Top

Today, at a job interview, my interviewer bent forward and I admired his ass. When he turned, I couldn't tell if he caught me or not. At the end of the interview he shook my hand in congratulations of getting the job, then said, "Yes, I do work out." I have to see him every day now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 531

You deserved it 32 700

Today, I learned that I actually like my boiled eggs a bit softer than I usually make them. I also learned that an outwardly lukewarm egg, when bitten into enthusiastically, is perfectly capable of creating a volcanic eruption of boiling hot yolk all over your hands, clothes and kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 645

You deserved it 412

The Top

Today, my girlfriend did the walk of shame in a skimpy Halloween costume after a night of drunken sex. Problem? The walk ended at my doorstep, and the sex was with a stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 581

You deserved it 3 485

Today, I came home from out of state. I found out someone online had told my husband that the "fumes" from hot showers can be lethal. As a precaution, he removed the draft-blocking bathroom door to make sure it's "properly ventilated." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 371

You deserved it 2 552

Today, I'm left with two non-refundable tickets to Jamaica, because my now ex-boyfriend said his Quidditch tournament is more important than seeing my "fat ass in a bikini". FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 956

You deserved it 6 647

Today, I was at my mom's when I suddenly doubled over in pain. It was so bad that I begging to be taken to the hospital, just when her dog started coughing. She immediately ran to her dog, asked if she was OK, saying that she hates to see anyone she loves in pain. I sat there hunched over in disbelief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 049

You deserved it 108

Today, I learned that my "Cash back rewards" for credit card purchases are mailed with the monthly statement. The same monthly statement that goes straight into the shredder or fireplace because I prefer to do my banking online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 266

You deserved it 42 647

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex for the first time, the one day my period came early. He thought it was a sign from God and thinks we're going to hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 791

You deserved it 3 215

Same thing different taste

Gammon

Enjoy the weekend!

Top comments

Comments