You deserved that. So eager to jump into bed with someone and you don't know squat about him? Morals?

# 134 I feel what you're talking about is a willful act of seduction - as in, the third party sets their sights on a 100% taken person and swoops in with the idea of conquering and stealing the person, never mind the SO who gets hurt along the way. And yeah, that's pretty freaking awful, and I would blame the third party. I've honestly never seen that happen outside of movies, so it's not the baseline for my judgments. But there are so many other possible ways for this to pan out, even if the third party did know about the SO. Maybe the cheater told the third party that there was an open relationship when there wasn't; maybe the cheater was the one setting out to seduce the third party, being as charming as they could, telling horror stories about how awful their SO was and how they wanted to break up, etc. And I do feel that the whole definition of monogamy lies in CHOOSING not to act on the temptations that spring up every day, so if the third party's action is a choice, the cheater's action is definitely a choice too. Obviously the third party does not have much of an ethical basis to stand on, and it's a pretty reprehensible position to be in. But because the third party has no direct obligation to the relationship - only the obligation to generally treat people decently - I feel like I'm always going to primarily blame the cheater, who did make a direct commitment to the relationship. Like, I blame the cheater 90/10. They broke a promise - they purposefully broke the heart of someone they were supposed to love. I feel the type of person who would cheat is going to find someone to cheat with eventually, so why blame the intermediary?

#137 So really, the answer is simple. I shouldn't cheat on you, and you shouldn't chase anyone I'm dating. Happily ever after, anyone? ^.^ Although, I do submit that I have known it to happen outside of movies, the third party actively chasing the taken person, as well as people who have been totally faithful their whole lives except for one incident, which they then regret more than words could convey. Not a pretty picture either way. But neither is your picture of a cheater! That is... totally horrific. Your mind goes to dark places, champ. But yes, absolutely, in that kind of a situation the blame game is much easier - cheater = ultimate scum.

The way this is phrased doesn't really mention anything about an awkward "you have a girlfriend?!", and it carries a little bit of "shit, I'm in the wrong here, I'm just gonna pick up my clothes and walk away"... but, at the same time, that could just be poor choice of wording, and for all I know it is. Without more information it's hard to say. In any case, FHL too for being cheated on. I mean, just, damn. Cheating in general leaves me bemused. I can see the supposed "logic" behind it when I look through a cheater's eyes (HAH!), but it's so far out of my own standards I'm just left going "what? no, seriously, what?". Because really... what the ****, you know? Is it so hard to say "no thanks", or at the very least break it off with your SO before you do anything? Or both? "Oh, but I was so caught up I just couldn't stop..." bullshit. Sure, if you have a weak will, that's understandable in a pathetic way, but damn. ...eh, enough ranting. FHL for being cheated on, and MAYBE FYL if you didn't know he had a girlfriend.

If you asked if he was single or not, FYL If you didn't ask, or if you did but had sex with him anyway, YDI

i've actually been in a similar situation before. well assuming she knew he had a gf. i did. maybe that makes me sound like a ****, but really im not. i liked him before i knew, and then when i found out he had one, i backed off. however he kept pursuing me saying that we should just have fun as long as the gf didn't find out. we hooked up for about three months and it was pretty much like a secret second relationship on his part... i just was having a good time. the part that sucked was that i got emotionally attached, even if i shouldnt have. when we got caught he dropped me so fast and said he "regretted" it. the gf didn't even dump him but was very quick to call me a *****. i lost the relationship i was in, even if it was not legitimate. dont be so quick to judge that this girl is a *****, *****, slag, etc just because of this incident. emotions can get the better of you even when you know a situation isn't wise. as far as what i have to say its fyl, but also f the gf's l and the guy is just a jerk who deserves nothing but the blame. also, all the ladies out there--make sure your guy isn't cheating on you, and don't get involved with a cheater even if you think hes great. you'll get hurt. its always the person who is in the relationship's fault. they have the commitment to keep. the end.

YOU ARE A *****!!!!!!!!!!!!

#1 all the way.

um, the girlfriend is dumb but you are too

if you knew about the girlfriend, you're a horrible person. ****** like you give other girls a bad reputation