Intimacy: Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something...

By Anonymous - 28/07/2015 00:08 - United States

Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 238

You deserved it 2 962

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Same thing different taste

By fuck - 24/07/2015 16:44 - Canada - Cowansville

Today, about 30 seconds into my first blowjob, my girlfriend threatened to cut my balls off if I didn't "just fucking cum already". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 680

You deserved it 3 127

By pleasedie - 07/05/2015 18:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 035

You deserved it 6 802

By Anonymous - 25/11/2017 06:00

Today, I was getting one of the best blow jobs I have ever received. My girlfriend was getting into it when I heard an "uh oh". Her tongue ring got twisted around the hair close to my balls. She started to pull, I started to scream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 010

You deserved it 1 790

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 09:53 - France

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 285

You deserved it 29 243

By blueballs - 14/09/2012 00:06 - United States - Santa Clarita

Today, in the middle of what had to be the most amazing blowjob I've ever had in my life, my girlfriend had a mental breakdown and began weeping on top of my cock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 165

You deserved it 8 240

The pleasure, the pain

By BadBribe - 24/06/2009 19:15 - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me a blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 187

You deserved it 30 213

By Anonymous - 20/06/2009 11:13 - Switzerland

Today, I was having sex with a girl. Things were getting pretty hot, so I decided to smack her butt. I missed. I smacked my balls instead. Real hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 803

You deserved it 97 689

By ottawaaa - 27/01/2009 22:26 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 176

You deserved it 10 861

By Anonymous - 10/07/2011 04:18 - United States

Today, after finally sleeping with a girl for the first time in I don't know how long, at some point during sex she managed to completely crush my balls. I acted cool until she left, then I had to wake my parents up at 3 a.m. to take me to the hospital where I was diagnosed testicular bruising. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 835

You deserved it 8 206

I am clumsy!

By Anonymous - 16/01/2020 18:00

Today my girlfriend was on top during sex. I went to slap her butt, missed and nailed myself in the balls. We had to stop. She wouldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 399

You deserved it 3 178

PharmacyJoe 13

Tuesday 28 July 2015 11:59

Have you explained to her that testicles and tubes of toothpaste do not, in fact, work in the same manner?

z_candy 18

Tuesday 28 July 2015 11:58

Sorry op, it looks like you literally busted a nut.

Comments

Spongegirlcs 17

Tuesday 28 July 2015 20:25

She needs to stop reading Cosmopolitan.

TheDoctorBadWolf 5

Tuesday 28 July 2015 21:05

It is nut your day

caliguy08 17

Tuesday 28 July 2015 21:32

Yup...time for a new girlfriend...naw I'm sure she was only busting your balls and didn't really mean it

SirEnigM0nk 22

Tuesday 28 July 2015 22:11

That is nut funny...doesn't she realize how valuable the family jewels are?

makeen4 10

Tuesday 28 July 2015 23:41

U break up with her?

kingnothing123x 11

Wednesday 29 July 2015 0:03

Give her the blow jobs for dummies book

kitsuneluvuh 12

Wednesday 29 July 2015 0:48

Oh my god. How could anyone have voted he deserved this?! I'm female, and I'm still appalled by this. OP, I hope you recover.

ChrisMora 16

Wednesday 29 July 2015 1:28

Is she retarded?!

LegionRapier61 8

Wednesday 29 July 2015 3:25

No, no, no, no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no

nightfall8705 33

Wednesday 29 July 2015 4:25

Sometimes you feel like a nut. Sometimes you don't.

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I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 23

Today, I was chatting with a co-worker, and she mentioned she has trouble swallowing pills. I replied that I'm lucky, because I have next to no gag reflex. Half the guys at the other registers abruptly went silent, and I'm now being constantly hit on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 199

You deserved it 17 041

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Today, I woke up with bronchitis and hemorrhoids. I'm getting married in 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 121

You deserved it 200

Today, my cell phone broke. It wouldn't even turn on. I went online to access my account so that I could order a new phone. I couldn't remember my password. The phone company had an option of "forgot my password". Upon clicking I get a message saying "Your password will be sent to your phone". FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 704

You deserved it 6 240

Today, I was walking my dogs when a woman at a bus stop quite rudely exclaimed, "Keep those mutts away from my kid". I replied just as rudely that I wouldn't want them anywhere near her dirty sprog. It was then we both realised she was a customer that I regularly talk to at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 426

You deserved it 8 037

Today, my 35 year-old sister, who has no job or life, came downstairs and told me she knows I can hear her thoughts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 760

You deserved it 79

Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 763

You deserved it 9 137

Today, after I tried to plan a surprise party for my friend, and a series of miscommunications and accidental reveals, it turned it into a surprise party for myself. I walked into a room filled with people shouting, "Surprise!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 194

Same thing different taste

The pleasure, the pain

I am clumsy!

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