Love: Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and...

By FUCK GOD - 03/02/2013 23:04 - Argentina - Salta

Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 124

You deserved it 4 859

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

That sinking feeling…

By Anonymous - 06/04/2020 08:00

Today, I went to change the toilet paper roll. I failed. It was the last roll of the "right kind," and my wife is "fine" and "not mad." Let the confinement continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 451

You deserved it 434

By arse of fire :( - 23/02/2013 00:31 - United Kingdom - Slough

Today, I was struck down with horrible diarrhea. With barely any toilet paper left, I texted my husband to buy some more and rush home. He replied, "Sorry babe, getting shitfaced with the lads. Get it? 'Shitfaced'. LOL!" and stopped replying to my desperate pleas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 129

You deserved it 3 895

Gross out competition

By shattysituation - 31/12/2012 22:36 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 429

You deserved it 4 058

By smith - 28/01/2012 03:13 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife made a joke about the size of my package, so figuring all's fair in love and war, I bought some laxatives to prank her with. They took a lot longer to work than I thought, and I ended up lying in bed, listening to my wife shitting her guts out in the bathroom for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 406

You deserved it 57 897

Romance

By shortyybrooke - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, my wife sat beside me on the ledge of the bathtub because she wanted to make out. I was on the toilet. Shitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 715

You deserved it 534

By jester777 - 22/01/2011 17:39 - United States

Today, I sneaked into my girlfriend's house for some romantic time. Before going into her room, I took a dump in the bathroom. Once I was done, I not only noticed that there was no toilet paper left, but I heard her and her 6'5, heavyweight boxer, ex-marine father, talking outside the bathroom door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 549

You deserved it 49 422

Drunk mom

By trailertrashyanditsucks - 26/07/2013 19:55 - United States - Porter

Today, I heard my mom sobbing in the bathroom. Concerned, I went in to see what was wrong. I found her sitting on the toilet, pants down and a cigarette between her fingers. When I asked what was going on, she looked up at me and slurred that we'd run out of "shit-wipes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 047

You deserved it 3 817

The bed is lava

By for better or for farts - 06/08/2020 23:01

Today, my very pregnant wife woke up in bed, grabbing her stomach and writhing in pain. Worried that the baby might be in distress, I asked her what was wrong. She gasped then let out what can only be described as a river of hot liquid shit all over herself and my legs. We both cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 408

You deserved it 207

Shit for brains

By Anonymous - 31/10/2023 15:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, in desperate need of a shit, I quickly ran into a shop to buy toilet paper. I rushed home and unleashed, only to realise I'd bought paper towels. Without options, I had to wipe my ass with them and consequently blocked the toilet. I found rolls of toilet paper while looking for the plunger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 182

You deserved it 653

Dirty sex

By Anonymous - 20/11/2022 06:00 - Canada - Burlington

Today, I was in my girlfriend's room when she walked in after getting out of the shower, wearing just a towel. She removed it and I was inches away from going down on her when I noticed she hadn’t wiped properly, either before or after her shower. She'd complained about stomach problems earlier, but regardless… FML

I agree, your life sucks 951

You deserved it 127

Artsygirl90 14

Monday 4 February 2013 3:11

If that's not sexy, I don't know what is.

slayertack 19

Monday 4 February 2013 3:12

She wants the TP.

Comments

perdix 29

Monday 4 February 2013 3:31

Maybe in the months she hasn't been frisky with you, she's eaten something that didn't agree with her. Or someone ;)

XxDevilxXGt 26

Monday 4 February 2013 4:45

Trying to cause problems in their relationship eh?

perdix 29

Monday 4 February 2013 5:27

#34, are you saying that I'm trying to stir up shit?

buddy51 23

Monday 4 February 2013 3:36

Maybe she needs you to make her a ham steak!

ICastillo 24

Monday 4 February 2013 3:41

Easy Op just don't go ass to mouth. Unless it was that explosive shit that's just a turn off right there!

perdix 29

Monday 4 February 2013 3:43

I think you'd better change your username or God may smite your wife with a 40-year period.

Sandman366 6

Monday 4 February 2013 4:04

Sounds like one of the softer punishments, some of them are REALLY shitty....

Porrim 9

Monday 4 February 2013 3:45

When you gotta go; YOU ******* GO!

cheertrombonist 9

Monday 4 February 2013 5:10

You might not wanna go for anal though..not for now...

BlackRoseAndMe11 11

Monday 4 February 2013 3:50

Are you THAT bad?

U_GotitDude 18

Monday 4 February 2013 4:17

When ya gotta go, ya gotta go.

zandalee 19

Monday 4 February 2013 4:23

Damn! Why would she tearfully beg you for another loo roll? Tearfully? What the hell happened while you guys were getting frisky?

alphaskater09 9

Monday 4 February 2013 5:37

Might want to change your pic. Not sure if nudity is allowed in your profile pic.

poccocurantes 7

Monday 4 February 2013 6:02

I was kind of wondering the same thing. I was actually thinking *Comment moderated*, butt I didn't want my comment moderated.

razzledazzle21 23

Monday 4 February 2013 20:36

She's a woman. Sometimes we get teary for no reason whatsoever.

foxtrousers 14

Monday 4 February 2013 4:27

I'm sorry but wow, really dude? How about not being a douche. You're wife probably wasn't feeling all that hot having to call out from the bathroom for more toilet paper.