Health: Today, I was struck down with horrible diarrhea. With barely...

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By arse of fire :( - 23/02/2013 00:31 - United Kingdom - Slough

Today, I was struck down with horrible diarrhea. With barely any toilet paper left, I texted my husband to buy some more and rush home. He replied, "Sorry babe, getting shitfaced with the lads. Get it? 'Shitfaced'. LOL!" and stopped replying to my desperate pleas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 133

You deserved it 3 897

April Pisces: Traps and Laughs
Laugh at the best (and worst) April 1st jokes. Watch out, you could be next! More…

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Same thing different taste

By FUCK GOD - 03/02/2013 23:04 - Argentina - Salta

Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 132

You deserved it 4 862

By BatBee - 03/08/2016 02:29 - United States - Princeton

Today, my husband and I were talking about how we missed our sexting from when we were dating, so later I took a bath and texted him while he was relaxing in bed. His response ? "I'm tired and hurry up I need to poop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 369

You deserved it 1 524

Shit for brains

By Anonymous - 31/10/2023 15:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, in desperate need of a shit, I quickly ran into a shop to buy toilet paper. I rushed home and unleashed, only to realise I'd bought paper towels. Without options, I had to wipe my ass with them and consequently blocked the toilet. I found rolls of toilet paper while looking for the plunger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 185

You deserved it 664

By Anonymous - 31/12/2013 18:22 - United States - Bessemer

Today, I was at work alone with a stomach bug. For some reason, our bathroom was out of toilet paper, so I had to quickly run to the nearest store to buy more, only to shit my pants midway there. I'm pretty sure the cashier knew exactly what had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 196

You deserved it 4 211

Who wants to be a millionaire?

By Not telling you in a million years - 03/03/2025 03:00 - Canada

Today, I had just sat down and taken a dump in a public restroom when I realized there was no toilet paper. I tried to discreetly call for help, but no one heard me. My only option was to text a friend and have them bring me some. The worst part? My friend ended up texting me, "You called for backup?" as I waited in humiliation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 190

You deserved it 268

Fools rush in

By Anonymous - 15/11/2022 10:00 - United States - Utica

Today, after a shopping trip, I had the worst diarrhea attack and almost shat my pants before I could even get in the front door. By the time I could get the door open, it was taking all of my self-control to keep from shitting myself. I had to shit on the toilet with the front door and bathroom door wide open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 812

You deserved it 175

Put the booze down

By Anonymous - 13/08/2020 14:01

Today, I shat myself in front of my girlfriend's family, after drinking too much the previous night and waking up with major stomach problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 561

You deserved it 2 093

Party animal

By Laci - 30/04/2011 17:50 - United States

Today, I was stuck crouching over the toilet after a night of drinking. My fiancé walked in, gathered my hair, and held it out of the way. When another wave of nausea hit me and I leaned in, he shoved my face into the bowl and ran out, laughing and yelling, "That'll teach ya!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 941

You deserved it 23 222

Thanks, I guess…

By Anonymous - 02/11/2018 03:00

Today, my boyfriend came home drunk from town, busted the toilet door open crying, and proposed to me with a ring and all. I was literally mid-shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 289

You deserved it 307

Confinement, episode 3774

By S3XY_SiNG3R - 11/04/2020 02:00

Today, I woke up to use the restroom, because I had to take a shit. There was basically no toilet paper left. I asked my boyfriend if he could go get some. It was 1 a.m. He said he’d go when the stores were open, then told me to just rinse off in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 2 070

superxmario91 11

Saturday 23 February 2013 5:25

use his favorite shirts!!

LostThePlot 3

Saturday 23 February 2013 5:25

Your husband has a pretty terrible sense of humour.

Comments

mozeltov 7

Saturday 23 February 2013 5:25

Well, I guess you could say...that's a shitty situation....get it? Shitty? LOL no? Alright, I'll go hide in my corner ;(

MetallicaFTW 16

Saturday 23 February 2013 7:50

You better.

zandalee 19

Saturday 23 February 2013 8:55

You better hide well!

Aloyese 11

Saturday 23 February 2013 10:03

And also hope no one finds you there.

muzy 23

Saturday 23 February 2013 13:11

Don't forget to hide yo kids and yo wife as well.

sum42guy2k 6

Saturday 23 February 2013 22:51

You better be running fast from that crappy joke...

jarrettd 27

Saturday 23 February 2013 23:24

I'm after you. So hide real well.

Azula272 14

Sunday 24 February 2013 12:47

If its that bad you could just bathe it off. Geez

LostThePlot 3

Saturday 23 February 2013 5:25

Your husband has a pretty terrible sense of humour.

OscarDV 8

Saturday 23 February 2013 11:13

I thought that was a pretty funny pun OPs husband said. Plus, if he was already "shitfaced" he had no right to drive and endanger people's lives.

MollyXD124 7

Saturday 23 February 2013 5:25

What a butthole!

superxmario91 11

Saturday 23 February 2013 5:25

use his favorite shirts!!

AKGirlinSD 20

Saturday 23 February 2013 12:13

...and next time he has a stomach ache, make sure that the bathroom is missing toilet paper, leave the home, and turn off your phone. That'll teach him for life!