Money: Today, I arrived home to find I'd been broken in to. The culprit?...

By Jen - 09/11/2010 03:36 - Australia

Today, I arrived home to find I'd been broken in to. The culprit? An obese homeless man, who I found face down, unconscious, and surrounded by muesli bar wrappers in my pantry. He broke in, ate everything in sight, soiled himself, and passed out. The worst part? The cops don't even believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 807

You deserved it 2 749

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Same thing different taste

By pauper - 09/02/2012 01:20

Today, I came home to a homeless man sleeping in my living room. It turns out he thought my house was abandoned due to its disheveled appearance, and decided to break in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 281

You deserved it 8 774

By Username - 11/08/2011 23:38 - United States

Today, after coming back from deployment, I found a homeless guy had broken into my house and made it his home for the last 5 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 180

You deserved it 2 726

By XYZee - 22/08/2012 20:27 - United States - Rockmart

Today, after quite a long work day, I got home to find my house had been broken into. Everything but my sleeping boyfriend was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 947

You deserved it 2 008

Oddly specific

By Angry and Confused - 29/06/2013 09:55 - United States - Reno

Today, my house was broken into. The burglar didn't steal my brand new laptop, iPad or TV. They instead made off with every single item of clothing I own. When I went to turn on my TV to try and distract myself from this, I found all of the cables in back missing. The police don't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 177

You deserved it 2 959

Lock your doors

By homealone - 14/12/2016 23:27 - United States - Poughkeepsie

Today, after a long day at work, I fell asleep in my living room. When I woke up, I saw a man leaving my bedroom wearing my pajamas, and I started screaming as he casually left. The cops came and apparently he's mentally ill. He truly believed it was his house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 311

You deserved it 558

By Anonymous - 05/09/2018 14:30 - United States

Today, my house was broken into. I'm really poor and don't have a television or nice clothing, so they just dumped my trash all over the house and stole my one loaf of bread that was supposed to last me for the week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 897

You deserved it 191

Guilty until proven innocent

By Anonymous - 29/08/2022 14:00

Today, when looking through my home surveillance camera footage, I realised I was almost burgled. Two men broke in, looked around for a few minutes, and on the audio I clearly heard them complaining that I didn’t have anything worth stealing, so one of them pissed on my armchair. I'd blamed my dog for that damp patch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 104

You deserved it 129

By paywithpoop - 22/06/2014 15:10 - United States

Today, I came home and found that my home had been robbed. The worst part? One of the thieves took a dump in my toilet and didn't flush. It doesn't even look human. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 011

You deserved it 3 890

By joarasmi - 01/06/2018 05:00

Today, I came home to a completely trashed house and just stood there in shock until I heard something upstairs. I ran to heroically catch the robber and, despite being a 4'10" woman, I did it! How? The fat fuck got stuck in my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 559

You deserved it 288

By doblex - 20/12/2012 11:19 - United States

Today, my house was broken into. The cop that came turned out to be a guy I fought over a girl with in high school. He sneered and said that everything appeared to be in order, and that I probably ransacked my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 387

You deserved it 9 061

DrAwesome 6

Tuesday 9 November 2010 9:04

"Ma'am, please tell your husband to get off of the ground and change himself. We need to continue this investigation."

PurplePigeon 0

Tuesday 9 November 2010 8:59

I'm pretty sure once the cops get there and see a poo covered, crumby fat guy sleeping on your floor...they won't be able to deny it. :/ that would scare me immensely to come home to something like that.

Comments

fineteaa 0

Wednesday 22 June 2011 22:22

damn. that's funny :P

odd_one23 4

Thursday 15 December 2011 16:52

how is a homeless man obese

babe7260 30

Thursday 29 March 2012 9:49

Typical cops

seacadet 18

Monday 17 December 2012 3:36

So kick the bastards ass yourself.

mkcherry 14

Wednesday 27 February 2013 19:38

I would have ran out of the house if i found a man passed out in my kitchen. The fact that he was obese and soiled himself before passing out does make it sound comical but I still would have ran considering it was a strange man that had broken into your home, anything could have happened when he woke up. There is a strong possibility he was strung out on drugs and you do not want to confront someone in that state of mind, first thing when they wake up and try explaining anything to them.

Psycho_Babydoll 26

Sunday 17 March 2013 23:15

SNORLAX

red61977 9

Wednesday 5 June 2013 20:23

Being homeless is no excuse to commit crimes.

BauerMegan 31

Thursday 20 June 2013 6:53

'You' were broken into? Surely you meant 'my home'.

mkcherry 14

Thursday 26 June 2014 4:59

I don't give a shit about anyone's hard luck story if you break in my house and I'm home my dog will probably maul you, or you'll get shot. If I'm not there, the dog still is. There are restaraunts and grocery stores putting out still edible food everyday, just wait near the backdoor. Don't steal.