Intimacy: Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room... - FML

By konens_dick - 22/03/2009 10:38 - United States

Spicy

Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 276 802

You deserved it 37 130

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Same thing different taste

By nudesurprise - 16/04/2009 14:49 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was at my new apartment. My fiancé was coming home so I filled the apartment with candles and put on some sexy music. When he came up to my door, I answered the door, naked. What I didn't know was that he was bringing his dad to see the new apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 926

You deserved it 35 109

Pull up

By ohdeargodthatswrong - 09/01/2010 13:25 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when my dad pulled up to pick me up from his house. My dad beeped his horn and my boyfriend opened his bedroom curtain, knocked on the window, and waved. While he was still inside of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 477

You deserved it 6 198

Priorities

By MacBook - 14/05/2009 19:43 - United States

Spicy

Today, my dad was in town for a day. We only had about 3 hours to do something so we left right away. Right as we were about to leave my dad's slutty girlfriend came by for a "surprise visit". My dad told me he would be right back. They had sex for 2 hours and 45 minutes. In total, we talked for 15 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 020

You deserved it 4 187

By Anonymous - 22/07/2017 05:29 - United States - Irving

Spicy

Today, my dad unlocked the bathroom door and barged in without warning only to catch me, with no clothes on, masturbating. He said, "sorry" but stayed for another 20 seconds to look for his shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 175

You deserved it 1 277

Didn't see you there

By eatmyshipoopie - 18/12/2009 15:20 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend when my dad opened the door. I thought I hadn't been seen because the door was only open a tiny bit. I then looked into the mirror by the door to see my dad's reflection, staring at mine, horrified. I was on top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 663

You deserved it 10 158

By jane smith - 01/07/2010 12:11 - Australia

Spicy

Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday, and I thought I'd surprise him after work by wearing nothing but a smile on his bed. As I heard someone come in, I had a huge smile on my face. Turns out it was his dad and all his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 591

You deserved it 18 053

By peaaaak - 03/06/2011 10:17 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my dad came round to the house. Looking rather pleased with himself he pulled out his phone, grinned, and chucked it over to me. I glanced at the screen to see a naked woman. He smiled and said "I tapped that last night". FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 216

You deserved it 5 053

By ugh - 12/03/2010 06:05 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got home early from work. When I got home I got to see my dad chasing my mom around the house, naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 124

You deserved it 3 623

A heads up next time maybe?

By Bob - 07/04/2020 02:00

Spicy

Today, when my girlfriend walked out the room, for a laugh, I covered my whole body except my knob in blankets. Then when I heard her come back in, I yelled, "Surprise!" It was her mom, who'd dropped by unannounced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 691

You deserved it 1 018

Quick, hide!

By Mattyboy - 24/08/2009 09:57 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend at her house. When things started heating up, I heard the front door open and my girlfriend said that it must be her Dad. She handed me my clothes, pushed me out the window, and told me to knock at the front door. Her Dad answered, holding my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 943

You deserved it 18 652

Next

Top comments

CptJackSwallows 0

Sunday 22 March 2009 16:28

that is bloody funny. Plan on how to get him back.

Inkspell 2

Sunday 22 March 2009 16:29

LMAO. that's a fun roommate.

Comments

LuvrGrl 7

Monday 22 April 2013 4:46

oh my god...I think I love your roommate!!! xD

D3ATHZ3RO 15

Friday 10 May 2013 17:45

What a dick

blackgirllb 12

Tuesday 18 June 2013 17:03

thats lol how u gonna get him back

kittenlove11 18

Wednesday 24 July 2013 21:13

I wonder how the conversation with your dad went after that hahaha that's great

headphonesrock 5

Tuesday 6 August 2013 4:04

I want a roommate like that

nekofrau 7

Saturday 24 August 2013 10:58

BEST ROOMMATE EVER!!!

happyfingers 15

Tuesday 1 October 2013 3:03

Oh god that's hilarious XD

rockzillafuckyea 2

Thursday 21 November 2013 18:31

X'D

Dyeishab 12

Wednesday 5 March 2014 0:59

lmao that's ****** up but you have to give your roommate props. Thats classic.

mikedirnt19 5

Monday 17 March 2014 7:34

this is some shit I'd do hahahaha

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Keywords

Love Cheating Work Money Relatable My ex Jealousy Accident Health Medication ADHD Weather Snow Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts

The Top

Today, during an episode of King of Queens that my boyfriend has seen more than once, I decided I'd try to get a little frisky. I straddled him while he was on the bed and began taking my clothes of. He pushed me out of the way and said, "Don't get naked in front of the TV." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 744

You deserved it 4 498

Today, my husband threw a bitch-fit and made passive aggressive remarks throughout the entire day. What did I do? Call him out on commenting an eggplant, peach, and winky face emoji under a female friend’s picture. He deactivated all social media accounts and shouted, “Are you happy now? I can’t talk to anyone now!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 570

You deserved it 97

The Top

Today, for the first time in my life, my dad said he was proud of me. It meant a lot to me, and I started tearing up. Noticing my emotion, he looked at me pityingly, said "Aaaaand it's gone." and walked out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 482

You deserved it 6 815

Today, I used a prank app, where you shake the cell, and it makes the screen looks cracked. I ended up losing my grip on the phone. It went flying, and it is now cracked for real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 952

You deserved it 36 646

Today, it was my birthday. I only got one message, from my dad, which was a sexual image meant for my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 985

You deserved it 3 451

Today, a notification from Tinder popped up on my girlfriend's phone, saying, "Congratulations, you have a new match." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 777

You deserved it 2 367

Today, I can hear my flatmate masturbating loudly and asking himself if he likes it. And replying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 639

You deserved it 4 401

Today, my girlfriend came over to visit me and my brother at our apartment. I left for just five minutes to fix us lunch. When I got back, she was making out with my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 825

You deserved it 3 985