Intimacy: Today, I bought body chocolate to use in bed with my boyfriend...

By Anonymous - 25/03/2009 04:48 - Canada

Today, I bought body chocolate to use in bed with my boyfriend in the hopes of spicing things up. Everything was going great, until I tasted it. It was disgusting and actually made me gag a little. Later, my boyfriend checked the label and started laughing. It had expired 3 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 671

You deserved it 81 333

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 25/11/2018 12:00

Today, I was celebrating my birthday when my friend gave me chocolate as a gift. I wasn't suspecting anything and ate about half of it before I noticed something strange. It turned out there were some kind of worms living in it and the chocolate was about a year after the expiration date. I got sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 050

You deserved it 266

Thin brown line

By Poopy - 12/01/2009 16:19 - United States

Today, my man and I were having sex on edge of bed. We were using chocolate spread and I was riding him. When we were done, he got up and I noticed a long brown line on the edge of the bed. I knelt down to smell it. It was NOT chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 893

You deserved it 8 247

By pimdala_major - 30/10/2009 19:21 - United States

Today, I found a small bottle of chocolate milk in the fridge from McDonald's. I've been living with my grandparents while going to college and figuring they'd never drink it themselves, I took a sip. It had expired two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 574

You deserved it 39 836

Random Access Memories

By Anonymous - 18/10/2021 17:00

Today, I learned the horrifying implications of my memory not being what it used to be when I bought a tasty-looking chocolate bar, only to realize upon taking a bite that I'd bought one before and not liked it one bit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 655

You deserved it 292

Yummy

By Anonymous - 22/01/2024 20:00 - Germany

Today, my boyfriend brought home some expensive ice cream and we licked it off of each other. It was fun until we learned that dried ice cream on skin smells almost exactly like puke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 339

By rejected4ever - 14/02/2012 18:29 - United States

Today, for Valentine's Day, my boyfriend gave me the half-eaten chocolate bar that I left in his fridge two weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 569

You deserved it 4 195

Fermentation

By Anonymous - 20/09/2010 08:28 - United States

Today, I ate what was supposed to be a delicious mini powdered donut. The first one tasted funny, so I pulled out another one and realized that the powdered sugar was now in fact powdered hairy mold. Then I looked at the package and realized it was over a year and a half old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 732

You deserved it 40 818

My chocolate

By oops - 31/12/2019 05:00

Today, I was being playful with my boyfriend and put a chocolate between my legs. He bit the chocolate. My lips too... FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 029

You deserved it 1 795

By Anonymous - 11/07/2017 14:40 - United States - Higginsville

Today, I was feeling down and decided to eat one of my roommate's chocolate Pop-Tarts to cheer myself up. I took a big bite and thought it tasted "off". It was full of live maggots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 244

You deserved it 2 654

By jaxattax - 20/10/2009 20:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a fancy chocolate candy and I got angry at him for forgetting that I'm allergic to chocolate and threw the candy into the garbage disposal. Turns out, he had spent a ton of money getting a chocolatier to put an engagement ring inside the candy that I just destroyed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 559

You deserved it 82 922

braFTW 0

Wednesday 25 March 2009 16:44

1. Complain to the store. 2. That ice cream thing works as well.

autumnshivaree 0

Wednesday 25 March 2009 16:45

#2 - crappy store stocking. Shelf stockers are supposed to rotate items, putting the oldest in front but constantly checking for expiration dates. If a stocker puts the newest in front and not all items are bought, it's really easy for an item to sit indefinitely. And, if the stocker is lazy and doesn't make sure the things he's rotating (or leaving in the back) haven't expired - well, things get pretty nasty. - - - I'm a former grocery store worker. I've seen expiration dates that are ... surprising....

Comments

EffYourLyf 0

Wednesday 25 March 2009 22:02

Whoever said it was your own fault, it kind of is, but isn't at the same time... It shouldn't of been expired.

latuka 0

Wednesday 25 March 2009 22:34

28 and 36 cuz girls like chocolate. and that really does spice things up. 30 all stores have expired shit. she should have checked the expiration date before she bought it. thats how its her fault. i learned to check the expiration date when i was 12. its sort of common sense. and to all: JackTheRipper always makes spelling errors. get with the program. :P OP: thats funny. at least your bf has a good sense of humor.

sweetiepie11 0

Wednesday 25 March 2009 22:45

Check the expiration date before you buy something!

shamille 5

Wednesday 25 March 2009 23:24

oh no! i can't believe they had that in the store! can you go get a refund?

jesslackszazz 0

Wednesday 25 March 2009 23:32

Where did you get it at? Big Lots? I saw potted meat there that expired a year and it was on the shelf. The one behind that said it had "44 servings" in one can. Amazing, isn't it?

weirdshitsucks 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 0:41

i ate a protein bar this morning that expired June 2005, now i have horrible gas and feel like shit. don't feel bad....ur not alone.

tipple 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 1:35

"What's wrong with the normal taste of things?" - nothing. What's wrong with the chocolate taste of things? even less! :o) Seems to me plenty of guys like to "spice" things up with alcohol - so some people prefer chocolate... I was once treated to a polo-mint enhanced blow-job. In this case, it wasn't meant to alter the taste though - just increase the sensation - and ensure my willy didn't get bad breath, I suppose! :o)

Bennyboy1985 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 2:11

Stuff body chocolate- just buy a big block of Cadbury's/ Nestle (or Hershey's if you have the misfortune of living outside Australia/ NZ/ England) you melt that sucker down in a saucepan and use that. Liquid ecstacy!