Intimacy: Today, I bought body chocolate to use in bed with my boyfriend...

By Anonymous - 25/03/2009 04:48 - Canada

Today, I bought body chocolate to use in bed with my boyfriend in the hopes of spicing things up. Everything was going great, until I tasted it. It was disgusting and actually made me gag a little. Later, my boyfriend checked the label and started laughing. It had expired 3 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 671

You deserved it 81 333

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 25/11/2018 12:00

Today, I was celebrating my birthday when my friend gave me chocolate as a gift. I wasn't suspecting anything and ate about half of it before I noticed something strange. It turned out there were some kind of worms living in it and the chocolate was about a year after the expiration date. I got sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 050

You deserved it 266

Thin brown line

By Poopy - 12/01/2009 16:19 - United States

Today, my man and I were having sex on edge of bed. We were using chocolate spread and I was riding him. When we were done, he got up and I noticed a long brown line on the edge of the bed. I knelt down to smell it. It was NOT chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 893

You deserved it 8 247

By pimdala_major - 30/10/2009 19:21 - United States

Today, I found a small bottle of chocolate milk in the fridge from McDonald's. I've been living with my grandparents while going to college and figuring they'd never drink it themselves, I took a sip. It had expired two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 574

You deserved it 39 836

Random Access Memories

By Anonymous - 18/10/2021 17:00

Today, I learned the horrifying implications of my memory not being what it used to be when I bought a tasty-looking chocolate bar, only to realize upon taking a bite that I'd bought one before and not liked it one bit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 655

You deserved it 292

Yummy

By Anonymous - 22/01/2024 20:00 - Germany

Today, my boyfriend brought home some expensive ice cream and we licked it off of each other. It was fun until we learned that dried ice cream on skin smells almost exactly like puke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 339

By rejected4ever - 14/02/2012 18:29 - United States

Today, for Valentine's Day, my boyfriend gave me the half-eaten chocolate bar that I left in his fridge two weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 569

You deserved it 4 195

Fermentation

By Anonymous - 20/09/2010 08:28 - United States

Today, I ate what was supposed to be a delicious mini powdered donut. The first one tasted funny, so I pulled out another one and realized that the powdered sugar was now in fact powdered hairy mold. Then I looked at the package and realized it was over a year and a half old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 732

You deserved it 40 818

My chocolate

By oops - 31/12/2019 05:00

Today, I was being playful with my boyfriend and put a chocolate between my legs. He bit the chocolate. My lips too... FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 029

You deserved it 1 795

By Anonymous - 11/07/2017 14:40 - United States - Higginsville

Today, I was feeling down and decided to eat one of my roommate's chocolate Pop-Tarts to cheer myself up. I took a big bite and thought it tasted "off". It was full of live maggots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 244

You deserved it 2 654

By jaxattax - 20/10/2009 20:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a fancy chocolate candy and I got angry at him for forgetting that I'm allergic to chocolate and threw the candy into the garbage disposal. Turns out, he had spent a ton of money getting a chocolatier to put an engagement ring inside the candy that I just destroyed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 559

You deserved it 82 922

braFTW 0

Wednesday 25 March 2009 16:44

1. Complain to the store. 2. That ice cream thing works as well.

autumnshivaree 0

Wednesday 25 March 2009 16:45

#2 - crappy store stocking. Shelf stockers are supposed to rotate items, putting the oldest in front but constantly checking for expiration dates. If a stocker puts the newest in front and not all items are bought, it's really easy for an item to sit indefinitely. And, if the stocker is lazy and doesn't make sure the things he's rotating (or leaving in the back) haven't expired - well, things get pretty nasty. - - - I'm a former grocery store worker. I've seen expiration dates that are ... surprising....

Comments

JackTheRipper_fml 0

Wednesday 25 March 2009 19:51

what have we learned here today? don't buy sex toys when you're legally retarted

bioclock 0

Wednesday 25 March 2009 20:29

#32 If you're going to imply that people are mentally handicapped, then at least spell "retarded" correctly.

JackTheRipper_fml 0

Wednesday 25 March 2009 20:38

grammar mistakes and actual mental disabilities are not in the same category. not even remotely close. failed insult.

forgetthat 0

Wednesday 25 March 2009 21:11

#34 Some Extra Info: That wasn't a grammar mistake you made, it was a spelling one. Go back to school.

greedy_dead_soul 0

Wednesday 25 March 2009 21:28

I've never understood the meaning of this shit like chocolate etc. during sex. As #28 said, "What's wrong with the normal flavor of things?"

brittanycraze 0

Wednesday 25 March 2009 21:29

THAT is nasty.. I only shop at distinguished boutiques, to AVOID this happening.. that just makes me want to gag.. You probably should have checked the expiration date though... Did it have dust on it?? :D

thekreeperkeeper 0

Wednesday 25 March 2009 21:35

that's ******* priceless... I love how everyone (including myself) takes for granted with that "the shit was on the shelf, so it must be good" mentality... no ma'am, they have labels for a reason, I learned that with tuna fish (which I use mayo and mustard in, and it masked the taste/scent I guess... I had to go over everything I ate that day several times to figure out the tuna was bad...) so don't feel so bad, at least you didn't have to call out of work the next day because you couldn't leave the lavatory ;)

genius_man16 0

Wednesday 25 March 2009 21:44

at least your boyfriend laughed about it. I know plenty of guys that would have just been repulsed and done dickish things. i am sorry about it, but that is pretty funny