Intimacy: Today, I bought body chocolate to use in bed with my boyfriend...

By Anonymous - 25/03/2009 04:48 - Canada

Today, I bought body chocolate to use in bed with my boyfriend in the hopes of spicing things up. Everything was going great, until I tasted it. It was disgusting and actually made me gag a little. Later, my boyfriend checked the label and started laughing. It had expired 3 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 678

You deserved it 81 342

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 25/11/2018 12:00

Today, I was celebrating my birthday when my friend gave me chocolate as a gift. I wasn't suspecting anything and ate about half of it before I noticed something strange. It turned out there were some kind of worms living in it and the chocolate was about a year after the expiration date. I got sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 053

You deserved it 269

Thin brown line

By Poopy - 12/01/2009 16:19 - United States

Today, my man and I were having sex on edge of bed. We were using chocolate spread and I was riding him. When we were done, he got up and I noticed a long brown line on the edge of the bed. I knelt down to smell it. It was NOT chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 900

You deserved it 8 247

By pimdala_major - 30/10/2009 19:21 - United States

Today, I found a small bottle of chocolate milk in the fridge from McDonald's. I've been living with my grandparents while going to college and figuring they'd never drink it themselves, I took a sip. It had expired two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 575

You deserved it 39 842

Random Access Memories

By Anonymous - 18/10/2021 17:00

Today, I learned the horrifying implications of my memory not being what it used to be when I bought a tasty-looking chocolate bar, only to realize upon taking a bite that I'd bought one before and not liked it one bit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 661

You deserved it 295

Yummy

By Anonymous - 22/01/2024 20:00 - Germany

Today, my boyfriend brought home some expensive ice cream and we licked it off of each other. It was fun until we learned that dried ice cream on skin smells almost exactly like puke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 230

You deserved it 368

By rejected4ever - 14/02/2012 18:29 - United States

Today, for Valentine's Day, my boyfriend gave me the half-eaten chocolate bar that I left in his fridge two weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 575

You deserved it 4 197

Fermentation

By Anonymous - 20/09/2010 08:28 - United States

Today, I ate what was supposed to be a delicious mini powdered donut. The first one tasted funny, so I pulled out another one and realized that the powdered sugar was now in fact powdered hairy mold. Then I looked at the package and realized it was over a year and a half old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 733

You deserved it 40 820

My chocolate

By oops - 31/12/2019 05:00

Today, I was being playful with my boyfriend and put a chocolate between my legs. He bit the chocolate. My lips too... FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 031

You deserved it 1 801

By Anonymous - 11/07/2017 14:40 - United States - Higginsville

Today, I was feeling down and decided to eat one of my roommate's chocolate Pop-Tarts to cheer myself up. I took a big bite and thought it tasted "off". It was full of live maggots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 246

You deserved it 2 660

By jaxattax - 20/10/2009 20:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a fancy chocolate candy and I got angry at him for forgetting that I'm allergic to chocolate and threw the candy into the garbage disposal. Turns out, he had spent a ton of money getting a chocolatier to put an engagement ring inside the candy that I just destroyed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 561

You deserved it 82 933

braFTW 0

Wednesday 25 March 2009 16:44

1. Complain to the store. 2. That ice cream thing works as well.

autumnshivaree 0

Wednesday 25 March 2009 16:45

#2 - crappy store stocking. Shelf stockers are supposed to rotate items, putting the oldest in front but constantly checking for expiration dates. If a stocker puts the newest in front and not all items are bought, it's really easy for an item to sit indefinitely. And, if the stocker is lazy and doesn't make sure the things he's rotating (or leaving in the back) haven't expired - well, things get pretty nasty. - - - I'm a former grocery store worker. I've seen expiration dates that are ... surprising....

Comments

latuka 0

Wednesday 25 March 2009 18:00

at least your boyfriend laughed. im guessing it was a friendly laugh. he coulda been like what **** you idiot. but always ALWAYS check the expiration date anything edible you buy. I always do. and ive never ended up in sticky situation like that.

alex_vik 0

Wednesday 25 March 2009 18:23

I hope you had fun washing the sheets, pillows, and blankets.

s_quire 0

Wednesday 25 March 2009 18:46

don't use regular melted chocolate if your man has any kind of body hair people!!!

14nickel 0

Wednesday 25 March 2009 18:47

how would whip cream (pure sugar) be healthier than chocolate?

GRPHC 0

Wednesday 25 March 2009 18:57

Body chocolate? Lawl. Kinky. And I agree. Whipped cream would be an easier alternative.

cyberhoy 3

Wednesday 25 March 2009 18:59

umm 25 whiped cream isn't sugar its cream

CrazyIvanVI 0

Wednesday 25 March 2009 19:19

How is this an FML? It isn't at all. That's like saying I went to the store and bout some expired milk. FML. No, it's not an FML. And FML would be if you put it on him, started to go to town, and gagged and threw up all over him. And why the hell would you want chocolate with sex? What's wrong with the normal flavor of things?

uhnonnuhmus 0

Wednesday 25 March 2009 19:19

I would totally go with whipped cream or something like maple syrup or honey. Three years beyond the expiration date? I worked at a drugstore for a year. We had candy that should've been tossed out before the War in Iraq (six years ago) this one time. The health inspector heard about it and made the store do another round of inventory. Unfortunately, the lady who was in charge of stocking and rotating candy wasn't very good at doing that, but she's still there. It's why I don't buy food at my old store. On the bright side, I did learn how to check expiration dates on candy bars (there are codes you look at). In any event, this is actually kind of funny, even though you could've checked the expiration date before using it.