Intimacy: Today, I discovered a tick on my penis. After a long battle,...

By John jacob - 13/06/2011 06:25 - United States

Today, I discovered a tick on my penis. After a long battle, he finally let go. Four hours later I'm in the hospital. My penis is twice the normal size. I may have won the battle but lost the war. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 652

You deserved it 6 211

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Same thing different taste

By Luna - 22/07/2012 02:30 - United States - Carmel

Today, I found a tick half-buried in my nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 694

You deserved it 3 532

Three is the magic number

By KTBeck - 26/05/2020 14:00

Today, my husband returned from a hiking trip. We had "I missed you" sex and after we were done, he told me about all the ticks he had while on the trail. He then went to shower and while washing, he found a tick latched to his penis. I technically had a three way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 725

You deserved it 362

Fancy seeing you here

By Anonymous - 30/06/2022 16:00

Today, I found a massive tick on my boyfriend's ballsack. I found it with my tongue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 453

You deserved it 221

Bailed out

By Why's it so cold in here? - 01/02/2015 18:13 - United States

Today, after getting home from being in the field for a week, my wife who's a nurse, convinced me I had a spider bite on my penis. After rushing to the ER and standing nude in a cold exam room while the ER staff checked me out, I learned it's just an ingrown hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 831

You deserved it 2 980

Sneaky

By Anonymous - 07/10/2019 14:00

Today, after losing a battle with ants in my apartment, I just pulled one off that was biting me in the vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 913

You deserved it 212

Poor little guy

By anonymous - 16/09/2022 02:30 - United States - Maryville

Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 349

You deserved it 135

By unsuckable - 28/08/2015 06:13 - United States - Denver

Today, I had to call the doctor regarding my penis. Not because of erectile dysfunction or an erection lasting more than four hours, but because of the multiple fire ant bites I woke up to after falling asleep in my backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 900

You deserved it 4 171

By Anonymous - 29/05/2013 04:32 - United States - Sparta

Today, I went to the Doctor's for a mole my husband had said was, "growing and changing color". It turned out to be a wood tick. My husband knew, but said it was too "icky" to take off himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 602

You deserved it 7 773

Yucky!

By theapplesleader - 23/12/2019 03:00 - United States - Washington

Today, I picked my dog up and nibbled her ear. On the tip of her ear was a large tick, which burst, sending blood into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 570

You deserved it 3 827

Ouch!

By Anonymous - 23/03/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I took a piss while doing yard work. Later, to my horror, I discovered that I had touched poison oak at some point. My penis is now blistered and swollen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 320

MtnDew32 0

Monday 13 June 2011 11:52

A tick on your dick? Ew, that's sick.

IceeCreamm 7

Monday 13 June 2011 11:49

wow maybe having a bigger penis is not that bad?

Comments

vampgirl11295 4

Thursday 16 June 2011 4:02

your girlfriend must be excited about it doubling in size

97currie 0

Thursday 16 June 2011 7:04

if its twice the normal size, i'd say you won!

peasinacan 0

Thursday 16 June 2011 15:01

tick gave u more swag than u could handle

fukher 0

Thursday 16 June 2011 23:52

were u bagnin some bitch in the woods

SuperBeatDown 0

Friday 17 June 2011 5:00

they should call you dirty dick or messy richard

SuperBeatDown 0

Friday 17 June 2011 5:08

they should call you dirty dick or messy richard

sebrooks94 0

Friday 17 June 2011 6:23

Look at the bright side. At least your dick is bigger...

mikaelalp 0

Friday 17 June 2011 6:50

your complaining about your penis being bigger?

ELITEPUNK95 0

Friday 17 June 2011 10:20

how is that an FML moment, thats pure awesomeness occuring in your life

porridge111 6

Friday 17 June 2011 11:25

how big us it?

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The Top

Today, my nosey louse of a coworker went to HR and told them I was snorting drugs at my desk. I was using nasal saline, as the dry winter weather wreaks havoc on my sinuses. The fact that they even brought me in pisses me off beyond words. FML

I agree, your life sucks 481

You deserved it 78

Today, I tried reaching out to a brand on Instagram, telling them I'm a rising influencer and would love a free sample of some of their products to review. They replied back with a laughing emoji and "You have 44 followers. Eat shit." Then they posted it on their story, with my name listed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 1 543

The Top

Today, I went on a date with a girl I like. Afterwards, I drove her home, and we just sat there awkwardly. I thought she wanted to kiss me but was nervous, so I jokingly said, "What're you waiting for? Christmas?" I guess she took that as a "Get the hell out", because she broke into tears and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 568

You deserved it 35 076

Today, for the first time in years, my period is early. I woke up at 5 a.m. with the worst cramps I've ever had in my life. Medicine isn't helping. It's literally so bad I feel like I want to throw up. It's fucking Christmas but hey, it wouldn't be 2022 if my garbage pile of a body wasn't ruining something for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 171

Today, my best friend and I decided to dye our hair blue. We didn’t mean to also dye the ceiling, walls, shower, or floor. We DEFINITELY didn’t mean to dye our faces the day before school pictures that cannot be rescheduled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 3 143

Today, I took a day off from work for a doctor's appointment. It ended up taking a lot longer than I expected, because while I was on my way, my mom called to inform me that my great aunt passed away this morning. As a result, I showed up extremely late and was berated. And the worst part? It's my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 292

You deserved it 173

Today, the CEO of my company wanted to meet with me. I was excited until I found out she just wanted to bitch me out and personally fire me. Later on, I found out my boss had totally shafted me and blamed the failure of a big project on me instead of admitting it was all his fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 172

You deserved it 1 263

Today, I discovered my friend will be upstaging my birthday by hosting another birthday party shortly afterwards. Not for her of course, but in honor of her favorite actor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 786

You deserved it 197