By Palindromesque - 04/09/2013 09:07 - United States - Seattle

Spicy
Today, I explained to my roommate that if she kept using all of our kitchen utensils as sex toys and hoarding them because of the varying degrees of orgasms she could achieve, we wouldn't be able to cook or eat in our own house. FML
I agree, your life sucks 53 907
You deserved it 4 243

Palindromesque tells us more.

Palindromesque 21

Hi all, OP here! I'm crying with laughter-you all are hilarious, seriously! To respond to some questions-I discovered my roommate's predilection for silverware and kitchen implements when I poked my head into her room to tell her something and saw an open drawer with a good collection of my utensils. She was actually quite forthcoming, and explained in jaw-dropping detail some uses for a number of them. We've agreed that she can go ahead and keep what she's "used," and that she'll replace the implements now and in future...no cross contamination, she promises. Overall, I'm glad she's sensually creative, so I don't feel the need to resort to hot sauce or splinters! I just fear for the next time she's browsing in the kitchen-I may not be able to scramble eggs for breakfast.

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Top comments

Welshite 39

Actually, I would just throw them away. You wouldn't see me using them in the kitchen after she's been at them.

353 5
RedPillSucks 31

How does she use the can opener or bottle opener or the egg beater? Actually, I don't really want to know.

173 0

Comments

worldclassrager 39

She needs to go to Spencer's...and probably getting some utensils for yourself might be a good idea...

1 6
xxVampiresRulexx 14

Buy your own and keep them in your room. That way you have your own clean cooking utensils to use (for cooking, take them our when cooking, wash them, put them back into room. I for sure wouldn't use any of the ones she touched.

6 0
webshammo 8

Well, you should still have forks and knives left to use. Maybe not tho.

1 0
truepanda 2

EEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!! I WOULDNT LET ANYONE PUT THOSE THINGS IN MY KITCHEN!! and i would kick her out asap.

4 14
Obey_StudBoii 23

Your roommates a freak.

5 0
ndnpride88 25

Maybe buy some new utensils and keep them in your room

0 1
kinky44 28

Just only eat fish from now on, you won't even notice.

14 1
DanielleinDC 33

Maybe get her a gift certificate to Babeland or something? I've never imagined using kitchen items for THAT, just like i wouldn't use...never mind.

1 0
RonnieG 10

well, at least we all know why the roommate doesn't gave a boyfriend. because that crazy bitch uses kitchen utensils as sex toys. PSHYCO.

4 2