Intimacy: Today, I fell asleep while masturbating. I'm so bad that I bore... - FML

By Lonely - 02/01/2010 10:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I fell asleep while masturbating. I'm so bad that I bore myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 424

You deserved it 7 452

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 24/01/2017 20:00

Spicy

Today, my hand fell asleep while I was masturbating. My own body rejected me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 858

You deserved it 1 615

By 44haley44 - 12/07/2011 17:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 750

You deserved it 57 262

Involuntary

By hannahthedino - 20/07/2021 04:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, my friend spent the night. I now know that she masturbates in her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 227

You deserved it 134

By Sleepy head - 07/10/2013 01:34 - United States

Spicy

Today, I fell asleep while my boyfriend and I were having sex. What's worse is that he didn't even notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 767

You deserved it 15 043

Cranking

By Lonely Wanker - 26/02/2021 23:00

Spicy

Today, I started to cry while masturbating. This isn't the first time that this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 374

By pornhastaughtmenothing - 21/02/2013 08:46 - United States - Tacoma

Spicy

Today, I realized just how bad I am in bed when my girlfriend literally yawned the words, "Oh God" while attempting to fake an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 412

You deserved it 11 650

Can't be bothered

By Anonymous - 06/07/2019 00:30

Spicy

Today, I realised just how lazy I am when I was about to masturbate, but decided not to because I didn't want to put in the effort. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 1 736

By MyHeadHurts - 20/01/2012 10:42 - Ireland

Spicy

Today, I got bored looking at porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 210

You deserved it 39 611

Bang one out

By exhausted without relief - 08/02/2023 14:00

Spicy

Today, I’ve been so stressed out lately about my health and mounting bills that my insomnia has returned with vengeance. I thought I’d masturbate to help get some relief, but turns out I’m too tired to even do the deed. Too exhausted to release, but my brain still won’t let me sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 073

You deserved it 171

By MrAries - 02/03/2016 11:45 - United States

Spicy

Today, I'm so sleep-deprived, I got a boner from just thinking about falling asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 765

You deserved it 2 332

Next

Top comments

spitfire35 3

Saturday 2 January 2010 20:13

At least better than falling asleep while having sex. Oh wait, for that you'd need to be having sex.

itouchguy360 3

Saturday 2 January 2010 20:12

maybe you were just tired?

Comments

TheMichaelIsFres 0

Tuesday 5 January 2010 4:35

so did you take PALMala to dinner before you got friskey

xoprettyinpunkox 0

Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:57

hahah, thats just sad. lmao

NewtonsApple 0

Tuesday 5 January 2010 21:22

there is only one awnser to this problem: FAT BITCHES!!!

Mikaylaa 0

Saturday 9 January 2010 2:57

This made me laugh so hard.

flames45640 0

Sunday 10 January 2010 7:24

lol

230694 0

Monday 11 January 2010 2:53

hahaha this fml made my day! :L x

theelysium 0

Friday 15 January 2010 9:31

get a pocket pussy

shoelover69 0

Friday 29 January 2010 1:09

get a vibrating pocket pussy its goooood even to use at school or in the bathroom or with your friends i have a lot a friends that i do it with some times we share :)

rayman657 0

Thursday 4 February 2010 7:48

lol i don't even know what to tell you

tonyhenz 0

Monday 15 March 2010 10:51

yes fyl,..

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Keywords

Love My ex Awkward Friends AITA Jealousy Health Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Sports Proposal Snow Cold weather Annoying Cheating Money Relatable Work DIY Parenting Kids Accident Parents ADHD Medication Weather Miscellaneous Am I overreacting? Relationship advice Weird

The Top

Today, I've spent nearly three weeks indulging my boyfriend's weird fetish, where he wears a hockey mask and I call him Jason. He just confessed it isn't really a fetish for him and that was just fucking with me. He's already told all his friends. I'm humiliated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 245

You deserved it 4 765

Today, I got a call from a lady who said my husband died in a car accident in Miami. My husband is supposed to be at a business trip in North Carolina, so I told her it must be a mistake. Turns out it was all true. He lied about a business trip and went to Miami with his lover, who was the woman who had called me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 822

You deserved it 60

The Top

Today, I was engaged in intercourse with my fiancée when her dog decided take a loud dump in front of the fan that was pointed at us. Needless to say, intercourse ended very abruptly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 010

You deserved it 349

Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me. I got a hold of the girl he was cheating on me with. She was as oblivious as I was of each other's existence. Apparently, the fucker told her he lived with his "sister," who's "a bitch and makes his life impossible". He was referring to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 673

You deserved it 2 266

Today, I was awoken by my son squirting liquid on me from a bottle. We have a high deer population in our area, so I spray urine contained in black bottle on my plants to help deter the deer from eating them. I also water my flowers with water from a blue bottle. My son used the black one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 969

You deserved it 8 097

Today, I was drinking from a cup with a built-in straw. After taking a long sip, I noticed a weird taste. Upon investigation, I found a small caterpillar wedged inside the straw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 302

You deserved it 4 332

Today, my first graders released the butterflies we've been raising. The kids were sad that one had died in his cocoon and wouldn't be set free. Turns out that butterfly may have had a better fate: a flock of birds ate half of the others. Immediately after releasing them. In front of the kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 772

You deserved it 5 437

Today, after finally putting my foot down and trying to kick my husband out for his alcoholism, I got a lecture from his parents about how much of a piece of shit I am for "giving up" on their son. I've been trying to get him to get help for the past three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 601

You deserved it 193