Intimacy: Today, I fell asleep while masturbating. I'm so bad that I bore...

By Lonely - 02/01/2010 10:30 - United States

Today, I fell asleep while masturbating. I'm so bad that I bore myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 424

You deserved it 7 452

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 24/01/2017 20:00

Today, my hand fell asleep while I was masturbating. My own body rejected me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 858

You deserved it 1 615

By 44haley44 - 12/07/2011 17:25 - United States

Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 750

You deserved it 57 262

Involuntary

By hannahthedino - 20/07/2021 04:01 - United States

Today, my friend spent the night. I now know that she masturbates in her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 226

You deserved it 134

By Sleepy head - 07/10/2013 01:34 - United States

Today, I fell asleep while my boyfriend and I were having sex. What's worse is that he didn't even notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 766

You deserved it 15 043

Cranking

By Lonely Wanker - 26/02/2021 23:00

Today, I started to cry while masturbating. This isn't the first time that this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 374

By pornhastaughtmenothing - 21/02/2013 08:46 - United States - Tacoma

Today, I realized just how bad I am in bed when my girlfriend literally yawned the words, "Oh God" while attempting to fake an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 412

You deserved it 11 650

Can't be bothered

By Anonymous - 06/07/2019 00:30

Today, I realised just how lazy I am when I was about to masturbate, but decided not to because I didn't want to put in the effort. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 1 736

By MyHeadHurts - 20/01/2012 10:42 - Ireland

Today, I got bored looking at porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 210

You deserved it 39 611

Bang one out

By exhausted without relief - 08/02/2023 14:00

Today, I’ve been so stressed out lately about my health and mounting bills that my insomnia has returned with vengeance. I thought I’d masturbate to help get some relief, but turns out I’m too tired to even do the deed. Too exhausted to release, but my brain still won’t let me sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 073

You deserved it 171

By MrAries - 02/03/2016 11:45 - United States

Today, I'm so sleep-deprived, I got a boner from just thinking about falling asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 765

You deserved it 2 332

spitfire35 3

Saturday 2 January 2010 20:13

At least better than falling asleep while having sex. Oh wait, for that you'd need to be having sex.

itouchguy360 3

Saturday 2 January 2010 20:12

maybe you were just tired?

Comments

hartattack4k 0

Sunday 3 January 2010 0:33

FYD

cdawg4444 0

Sunday 3 January 2010 0:51

sounds like you whack it too much. you need a new hobby. or a girlfriend.

jpest17 5

Sunday 3 January 2010 0:54

duh everyone know it makes people tired! I do it sometimes to fall asleep.

waterynuggets 0

Sunday 3 January 2010 0:57

LMAO

iankennedy17 0

Sunday 3 January 2010 2:14

i'm with #6. go for it haha

brittany1013 0

Sunday 3 January 2010 2:35

that's just a bit sad..

lynsieloowho 0

Sunday 3 January 2010 2:36

go with the stranger

razz27 0

Sunday 3 January 2010 2:37

hahahaha holly shit ur sex drive sucks or ur **** does. maybe u shouldnt be jerking it when ur tired.

Dx2 0

Sunday 3 January 2010 2:45

tht sux..

perdix 29

Sunday 3 January 2010 3:48

So, did the bus driver wake you up at your stop, or did he drop you off at the police station and turn you in for indecent exposure?

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Embarrassing Work Sleep Dating Love Am I overreacting? Annoying Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts Fight Cops Drugs Neighbours Medication Relatable Teenagers Animals Dogs Gamers Ironic Video games Job interview

The Top

Today, while I was making out with my boyfriend, he left my dorm suddenly without telling me where he was going. A few hours later, he texted me to tell me that being with me made him feel dirty and he had gone to confession. He then called me a sinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 551

You deserved it 7 856

Today, I called off my engagement because I fell in love with my best friend of 10 years since we recently reconnected. I confessed my feelings to her and asked her out. She rejected me and said she only sees me as a friend. Now I’m completely single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 275

You deserved it 4 076

The Top

Today, I found out that my boss was actually legally obligated to send me to the hospital after I was hit on the head while working. I had to finish the entire work day while heavily concussed, and by the time I got to the ER I had lost complete feeling in my right side. They asked me to come in the day after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 278

You deserved it 104

Today, I was in the bathroom at the mall and the toilet paper had ran out. I had to use the socks I'd just bought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 224

Today, I signed the lease on my first apartment alone with my boyfriend. We've lived here a month before we got to sign. Today is also the day my neighbors decided to show how they're night owls: all I hear is banging on the walls and them loudly talking and yelling. This will be a long year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 691

You deserved it 1 814

Today, I told my mom that once I leave school, I want to join the clergy, and how much it meant to me. Her response: "Never knew you wanted to molest kids so much!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 596

You deserved it 8 402

Today, an hour after having been turned down for sex, I walked in on my wife fingering herself to a copy of War and Peace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 481

You deserved it 4 671

Today, I was at work, nonchalantly spinning my keys around my finger when they flew off and hit a glass cabinet. Broken glass showered passing customers. I don't think I'll have a job to go to tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 450

You deserved it 20 949