Intimacy: Today, I fell asleep while masturbating. I'm so bad that I bore... - FML

By Lonely - 02/01/2010 10:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I fell asleep while masturbating. I'm so bad that I bore myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 424

You deserved it 7 452

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 24/01/2017 20:00

Spicy

Today, my hand fell asleep while I was masturbating. My own body rejected me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 858

You deserved it 1 615

By 44haley44 - 12/07/2011 17:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 750

You deserved it 57 262

Involuntary

By hannahthedino - 20/07/2021 04:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, my friend spent the night. I now know that she masturbates in her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 226

You deserved it 134

By Sleepy head - 07/10/2013 01:34 - United States

Spicy

Today, I fell asleep while my boyfriend and I were having sex. What's worse is that he didn't even notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 766

You deserved it 15 043

Cranking

By Lonely Wanker - 26/02/2021 23:00

Spicy

Today, I started to cry while masturbating. This isn't the first time that this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 374

By pornhastaughtmenothing - 21/02/2013 08:46 - United States - Tacoma

Spicy

Today, I realized just how bad I am in bed when my girlfriend literally yawned the words, "Oh God" while attempting to fake an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 412

You deserved it 11 650

Can't be bothered

By Anonymous - 06/07/2019 00:30

Spicy

Today, I realised just how lazy I am when I was about to masturbate, but decided not to because I didn't want to put in the effort. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 1 736

By MyHeadHurts - 20/01/2012 10:42 - Ireland

Spicy

Today, I got bored looking at porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 210

You deserved it 39 611

Bang one out

By exhausted without relief - 08/02/2023 14:00

Spicy

Today, I’ve been so stressed out lately about my health and mounting bills that my insomnia has returned with vengeance. I thought I’d masturbate to help get some relief, but turns out I’m too tired to even do the deed. Too exhausted to release, but my brain still won’t let me sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 073

You deserved it 171

By MrAries - 02/03/2016 11:45 - United States

Spicy

Today, I'm so sleep-deprived, I got a boner from just thinking about falling asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 765

You deserved it 2 332

Next

Top comments

spitfire35 3

Saturday 2 January 2010 20:13

At least better than falling asleep while having sex. Oh wait, for that you'd need to be having sex.

itouchguy360 3

Saturday 2 January 2010 20:12

maybe you were just tired?

Comments

rety1 13

Thursday 3 June 2010 17:44

I do that all the time. but it's usually because I'm so damned tired...

JustJess666 0

Friday 9 July 2010 4:44

wow that's pathetic lol. sorry I've been tired before but I've never passed out during sex or masturbation. I mean you should be turned on enough to finish..... well maybe I'm speaking from personal experience ad you do suck!

denvan 0

Tuesday 14 September 2010 7:25

hahaha epic fail

ninja_9881 0

Saturday 25 September 2010 16:13

forgt yur hand ill help u out

Nicoxrulz 0

Wednesday 15 June 2011 7:59

lol

prayforanescape 0

Monday 4 July 2011 19:47

hahahah I can imagine this. mom: honey it's time for- *sees son asleep with his penis in his hand*

james496_fml 0

Tuesday 27 September 2011 5:07

€

Keywords

Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Sleep Work Love Dating Am I overreacting? Annoying Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts Fight Neighbours Cops Drugs Relatable Medication Dogs Animals Teenagers Ironic Video games Gamers Zoom

The Top

Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 491

You deserved it 15 056

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I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 33

The Top

Today, the only conversation I had with my mother where she didn't explode into a hissy fit was about peanut butter vs. almond butter. And even then she was starting to get mad at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 009

You deserved it 3 528

Today, I got in an argument with my boss and I dared him to fire me because he has always said he couldn’t run the shop without me. Turns out he was just being nice all this time, my job could in fact be done by his 14 year-old niece with no training in two thirds the time. Yes, he fired me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 153

You deserved it 1 791

Today, it's been a few days since I moved into a new apartment and was excited to finally have a balcony. I went out to enjoy the view, but as I leaned against the railing, it gave way and I fell two stories onto the pavement below. I ended up with a broken leg and a huge medical bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 075

You deserved it 111

Today, the bartender pulled me aside and told me that she saw my date slip something into my drink. Who was my date? My husband of four years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 855

You deserved it 2 796

Today, my workplace demanded a doctor's note to prove that I can’t stand for long periods, and would benefit from a desk job. I guess my above-the-knee amputation and spinal surgery scars don’t count as evidence, but a piece of paper from a doctor is just fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 956

You deserved it 122

Today, my girlfriend dumped me and set all my stuff on fire. Why? Because she found my Tinder account. I haven’t even used it since I met her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 908

You deserved it 398