Animals: Today, I flipped out when I saw a centipede. I screamed, very...

By thenotsomanlyman - 07/03/2011 16:17 - United States

Today, I flipped out when I saw a centipede. I screamed, very loudly and in a very high voice. My girlfriend came into the room, stomped on it, picked it up and threw it in the trashcan. I apologized to her for the scene and all she said was, "I'm used to it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 692

You deserved it 41 684

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Same thing different taste

By eightleggedtictac - 08/06/2014 15:10 - United States - Worcester

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend shrieking at the top of his lungs. I ran into the dining room where he was, to find him standing on the table screaming "Kill it!" while pointing at an unmoving spider the size of a Tic Tac on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 784

You deserved it 6 855

Goodbye Rémy…

By Tough guy - 04/09/2021 23:00

Today, I was laying in bed when my sister came running in, scared. I took my bat and went into the kitchen where the suspicious noise was coming from. It was a rat, right in the middle of the floor. I jumped on the counter and shrieked, just as my girlfriend walked in, who then actually dealt with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 395

You deserved it 832

By rb - 01/05/2011 06:02 - United States

Today, I washed my hands and reached for the towel but felt something sticky. It was a house centipede. It exploded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 774

You deserved it 3 584

By yesikilledit - 20/11/2018 13:30

Today, I woke up and saw a piece of black fuzz on my shirt. I tried to pick it off but it crawled into my hand and stabbed my skin with its sharp legs. I screamed like a little girl because I had a centipede on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 355

You deserved it 337

By Hannah - 04/03/2012 20:46 - United States

Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 995

You deserved it 31 760

You big fanny

By Anonymous - 30/09/2012 17:57 - Germany - Hagen

Today, I was babysitting a six year old girl, when I saw a huge spider on the wall. I screamed and told her to stay back. Instead, she walked up to the spider, squished it, and told me to stop being such a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 434

You deserved it 31 280

Adapt, improvise, overcome

By Arthur B. - 24/09/2019 12:01

Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 352

You deserved it 464

Anger management issues, sir?

By Anonymous - 25/08/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, I yelled at my girlfriend because I thought she'd thrown away an important form I needed to fill out. I found it a few minutes later, just stuck to the back of another piece of paper. After apologizing for getting mad, all she said was, "I'm used to it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 1 097

Irrational fears

By emelie000 - 29/07/2022 14:00

Today, my daughter, who can pick up spiders and even snakes without flinching, screamed at the top of her lungs because she saw a mouse. Um, what? FML

I agree, your life sucks 651

You deserved it 201

By Anonymous - 26/09/2013 16:19 - United States - East Hampton

Today, I watched in horror as my dad picked up a dead centipede, placed it on his tongue, and then swallowed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 761

You deserved it 3 610

mike3775 35

Monday 7 March 2011 18:57

Be glad you have a caring girlfriend

a_girl_i_know 0

Monday 7 March 2011 18:58

I am embarrassed for your gf

Comments

sweetiepie1896 8

Tuesday 8 March 2011 5:55

omg the same thing happened to me today ... except I'm a girl and my little sister killed it

fishboy112 0

Tuesday 8 March 2011 6:12

no thats a millipede

Jessephine 0

Tuesday 8 March 2011 7:33

maybe she just used to the centipede?↲let's think that way

Gomez_Vidal 0

Tuesday 8 March 2011 7:50

Ewwwww she touched it?!

johnnythreetears 2

Tuesday 8 March 2011 8:02

I'd say your gf needs to find a man with actual junk, man up dude

rykerman33 0

Tuesday 8 March 2011 9:20

what Op's GF really thought " damn he forgot to wear his balls again."

oquendo_21 0

Tuesday 8 March 2011 9:25

wow..well I guess that makes it clear who wears the pants in ur relationship..

d3no1993 0

Tuesday 8 March 2011 9:34

is your ****** the size of Texas?

sammy92 0

Tuesday 8 March 2011 10:20

haha yeah 73 that's what we have to live with in Hawaii. sucks but it's worth it. Those things get into everything!

SimonREWQ 0

Tuesday 8 March 2011 10:31

One word--OWNED.

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The Top

Today, I flew to Dubai, en route to my new job in Afghanistan. Both of my bags were lost, my debit card was frozen in London, the next flight was cancelled, and I can't get a hotel room. I'm in the richest city in world with no money and no room. Happy New Year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 071

You deserved it 3 127

Today, my parents asked me if I had a nice time with my girlfriend at the amusement park I took her to yesterday. She was pretty freaked out by some of the rides so without thinking I said, "Yeah, but she sure is a screamer." My parents then exchange a look and say, "Oh trust us, we know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 715

You deserved it 32 189

The Top

Today, I got a painful scratch on my nose. Nasty kitty? Nope. I never imagined a dried booger stuck in my handkerchief could be this hard and this sharp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 858

You deserved it 313

Today, I was short shifted at work because one of my employees decided not to show up. Furious, I wrote her up and made predetermined judgments about her. When she came in, I went off on her for being absent and leaving me stuck. She then informed me her mom tried to commit suicide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 165

You deserved it 62 539

Sick gains, bruh.

I agree, your life sucks 233

You deserved it 83

Today, I decided to quit smoking and put on a nicotine patch. I decided to have one last cigarette and ended up sick at the doctors with nicotine poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 673

You deserved it 42 757

Today, I had my guy over for some sexy times. Things stopped before they even started. I watched him pick his nose then wipe it on my freshly changed sheets. He denied it when I called him out on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 076

You deserved it 1 547

Today, Social Security is docking my benefits because I have a job. That's normal… Except I haven't had a job since November 2023. After my old boss left, she was replaced by an ableist prick who fired me as soon as he realized that I'm disabled. No matter what I do, they refuse to believe me. Help? FML

I agree, your life sucks 549

You deserved it 113