Intimacy: Today, I found out that because of my high blood pressure I can't...

By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 23:12 - United States

Today, I found out that because of my high blood pressure I can't have sex for one month. My wedding is next weekend and the following two weeks are my honey moon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 267 589

You deserved it 28 624

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 10/12/2013 21:06 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I found out that I am bleeding from my cervix and must refrain from having sex for the next two weeks. My fiancé pointedly asked if my cervix has anything to do with my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 084

You deserved it 11 026

By Anonymous - 28/01/2011 04:24 - United States

Today, I found out that I have to reschedule my upcoming honeymoon because my office will be understaffed that week, due to the boss going on vacation right after my wedding. Oh, yeah, and he's in my bridal party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 012

You deserved it 2 706

Scary

By Anonymous - 22/08/2012 20:08 - United States

Today, I realized how much I hate my girlfriend, when I got excited as the doctor told me I should refrain from having sex for the next two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 801

You deserved it 31 441

Brain melter

By Anonymous - 27/07/2023 03:00

Today, due to my blood pressure, I've begun getting an agonising migraine every time I get increased heart rate from arousal. We’re supposed to be trying for our first baby, but we’ve not had successful sex in weeks because I can’t last until orgasm before I feel like my head is splitting open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 969

You deserved it 163

By no luck - 30/09/2010 17:14 - United States

Today, I found out less than 3 weeks before my wedding my fiancé will lose his new, great paying job unless we cancel our nonrefundable honeymoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 139

You deserved it 3 604

Damper

By bleh - 23/11/2009 22:29 - United States

Today, my fiancé and I were fooling around when his foreskin ripped and bled all over the place. After a trip to the emergency room, the doctor told us no sex for six weeks to let it heal. We're getting married and going on our honeymoon in two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 487

You deserved it 6 829

Not feeling it

By Anonymous - 20/06/2021 02:01

Today, it’s been over 15 months since I’ve had sex with my fiancé. We’re getting married next month. Now I'm wondering if we’ll have sex at all on our honeymoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 398

You deserved it 363

Out of order

By HornyWife - 13/06/2020 02:02

Today, I'm on my honeymoon. My husband and I cannot consummate our marriage, because his penis has an open wound due to… vigorous masturbation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 454

You deserved it 361

Take a ticket

By ugh - 24/05/2015 19:53 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I realized that my relationship has hit a new low when I made an appointment with my girlfriend to have sex. I have a two week wait. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 131

You deserved it 5 125

Denied

By Anonymous - 23/04/2021 23:01

Today, my fiancé decided that we shouldn't have sex before we get married. Even though we've been doing it for years. We can't get married right now due to Covid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 172

You deserved it 188

Leviathan_fml 0

Friday 3 April 2009 10:03

ouch. have sex anyway.

KPACOTKA 0

Friday 3 April 2009 9:57

YOUR LIFE DOES SUCK.... BUT NOT FOR LONG

Comments

Plater 1

Saturday 18 April 2009 7:01

i wouldve just done it...live for the moment!

kristindabomb 12

Monday 20 April 2009 21:43

Lol bummer dude.

fedEX_fml 0

Wednesday 22 April 2009 2:56

u should have done it anyways

omnomnom_fml 0

Sunday 26 April 2009 23:41

Um.... there ARE meds for high blood pressure. That's bullshit.

ideataxi 0

Thursday 30 April 2009 17:04

hehe, more awesomeness

jatterjite 0

Monday 25 May 2009 19:15

id have sex anyway if i were you

Sodam_INsane 0

Tuesday 2 June 2009 19:39

extend ur wedding :D

c3ns0r3dn4m3 0

Wednesday 10 June 2009 2:38

ahah #6 dudee. ouchh.. that suchs FYL

Mancubus 2

Thursday 23 July 2009 8:55

Who has that ever stopped?

shaZamy 0

Monday 10 August 2009 23:58

it'll make the sex all the more better ;D

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend "proposed" to me. When we first started dating, he told me that he hated the concept of marriage and absolutely never wanted to go through with it. So I laughed and turned him down, obviously thinking it was just a joke. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 237

Today, my mom kicked me out of the house because I missed my curfew and overslept at my boyfriend’s house. She said she’d let me back in on one condition: that I was still a virgin. My boyfriend’s parents won’t let me live with him. I’m currently staying in the Walmart restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 315

The Top

Today, after having been told that I looked horrible for the last five months, I decided to give myself a make-over. As soon as the make-up artist was done, I told her I didn't like it, and that I still didn't like how I look. She simply replied: ''Well, I'm a make-up artist, not a magician!'' FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 000

You deserved it 27 840

Today, I went to the kitchen to grab some cereal. I guess my mum didn't hear me, because as I entered, I heard her ranting to herself about her, "goddamn fucking Cheerios". I started to slowly back out, but I tripped over my own feet. She heard and yelled at me for "sneaking around". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 097

You deserved it 4 202

Today, I was sick and tired of my husband talking to his female friend from high school all the time. They reconnected after 7 years and have been talking non-stop day and night, to the point of neglecting the marriage. I told him it was either me or her. He took off his ring and kicked me out of our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 188

You deserved it 335

Today, I got yelled at in a grocery store by a customer who recognized me from the pizza place where I work. Apparently, I forgot mushrooms on her pizza earlier this afternoon. I had the day off, but thanks for the verbal lashing, lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 790

You deserved it 1 889

Today, the man I've been dating for four months said he could see I had feelings for him, and he was mad because it made things complicated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 495

You deserved it 332

Today, I was taking a walk when I noticed an elderly man on the ground, unmoving. Being a registered nurse, I tried to give him CPR. As my lips touched his, he hacked a loogie and spat it into the back of my throat. I swallowed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 164

You deserved it 5 808