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Wait, the Sheriff's Department has your cell phone number? That could be a bad sign.
******
Crate that mutt.
YDI for getting a dog.
This is why you get a kennel/crate for the animal to stay in while you're gone. They're less likely to use the bathroom in the kennel as well, since they'd be stuck with it.
go get a damn kennel
Keywords
Two words: crate training. Do it; train your dog. Don't complain about something that was totally in your control.
YDI. Why a puppy had free range of any room in your house is beyond me but you totally deserve your water. Crate training: not just for the intelligent.