How embarrassing.

Well did you reread your essay before you handed it? You could have been the victim of a classic "insert something innapropriate while no one is watching" prank... before you printed it out

"Zuckerberg Pwns Gutenberg: Why Facebook is more important than movable type." Too self-congratulatory. F!

Your professor doesn't sound like he's doing his job very well. A good professor would have told you what you did wrong, not make fun of you and humiliate you.

I would directly approach the teacher; that isn't teaching that critiquing or criticizing. Neither of which is acceptable. You're in school to learn, not understanding the material happens but you should be given instruction on how to improve. FYL but understand the teacher isn't doing their job in this case.

Academics are supposed to encourage students towards independent / critical thinking, but in some subjects, history among them, writing ideas different from what the teacher taught is frowned upon.

You've got a professor who uses "Really?!" Is she a teenage girl? Is your paper peppered with LOLs, OMGs, SMHs and winky faces? What kind of college is this? Are you going to S. T. F. U?

Your teacher must not like you or he/she was just too lazy to read the paper.

Next from OP, "The Elven Resistance And Other Heroes Of The Confederate States".

My guess would be you did the whole paper wrong!