Health: Today, I got married. My new husband wanted to carry me over... - FML

By Official_Person - 02/06/2010 21:31 - United States

Today, I got married. My new husband wanted to carry me over the threshold of our apartment, but he couldn't pick me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 040

You deserved it 31 140

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 27/11/2011 22:46 - United States

Today, my boyfriend picked me up bridal-style to carry me to our bed. As he carried me through the bedroom door, the dog ran between his legs and sent us both crashing to the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 458

You deserved it 3 604

By jacey chreyest - 14/02/2014 21:57 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I married the love of my life. I was ecstatic until the wedding reception, where my new husband got drunk and started crying about how he'd been "forced" into marrying me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 801

You deserved it 5 013

By Anonymous - 10/01/2015 13:45 - United States

Today, my fiancée got married. I did not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 797

You deserved it 3 446

Surprise!

By Anonymous - 07/09/2010 10:17 - United States

Today, my new wife and I got back from our honeymoon. Her parents had dropped our wedding gifts off at our apartment, but didn't lock the door. We came home to start off our new life together to a wrecked apartment and no gifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 408

You deserved it 3 021

By singleagain - 24/08/2009 05:16 - United States

Today, I almost got married. After the elaborate and very expensive wedding, my "husband" decided he did not want to sign the marriage license because he wasn't sure if he really wanted to settle down after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 425

You deserved it 3 519

By bride - 27/03/2009 01:38 - United States

Today, I got married wearing a strapless dress. As I walked down the aisle, our wedding photographer stepped out behind me to get a shot of me approaching my husband. Instead of stepping out, though, he stepped on. Stepped on my dress. Pulling it completely down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 133 978

You deserved it 10 294

By thefailure - 02/08/2009 04:21 - United States

Today, it was my wedding day, and while I was standing next to my husband in front of all of our guests, I was rocking on my heels because I was nervous. I rocked too far and fell backward. My husband didn't come to help me up. He just said at the top of his lungs, "FAIL!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 165

You deserved it 16 711

Dude, seriously?

By mellielynnemily - 26/10/2014 22:46 - United States

Today, at my apartment complex, I was carrying a bag of trash up to the dumpster. A guy stopped his car and helped me carry it the rest of the way. I thanked him and he asked me out. I explained that I was married. He grabbed the trash bag and carried it back to my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 746

You deserved it 4 440

Romantic gestures

By Anonymous - 11/06/2009 14:37 - United States

Today, at my wedding, when my husband heard, "You may now kiss the bride!" he swung me down romantically and was about to plant one on me when his arm slipped, causing me to fall on the floor hitting my head, and getting a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 156

You deserved it 4 483

By Anonymous - 05/12/2010 06:25 - United States

Today, I got married. When my father gave me away, in front of hundreds of people, to my groom, he said, "She's your problem now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 206

You deserved it 8 741

Next

Top comments

Isamermaid 17

Thursday 3 June 2010 1:06

Aww. Either you're fat or he's wimpy. Good one....

Teyros 24

Friday 16 March 2012 18:30

Someone's a bi..*cough*

Comments

madyeti 0

Thursday 3 June 2010 17:00

At least you can laugh about it. Not too big a deal.

archer79 0

Friday 4 June 2010 15:43

who plays around on fml on their wedding night? last thing on my mind on my wedding day was my phone or computer.

stillxsearching 3

Sunday 6 June 2010 5:05

i'm sure this was actually posted long after the wedding, but FML makes you say "Today." Kind of stupid if you ask me, because a lot of FMLs don't make sense if you have to claim they happened "Today," i.e. they are obviously about something that happened overnight, or over a span of days, or it's clear the person wouldn't have actually posted immediately after it happened, etc.

Dragon10 1

Saturday 5 June 2010 8:15

Either you're fat, or he's weak no matter which haha

sexmuffin9452 0

Sunday 6 June 2010 7:44

your husband needs to work out, even if you are heavy. he can deal with it.

BabiGurl90 0

Sunday 6 June 2010 19:59

u need to b on a diet or make ur husband work out more

Ellira87 4

Tuesday 8 June 2010 3:12

lol. guess im lucky that bf can pick me up. But you probably shouldn't of posted something like that if you don't like bagged out. And you just got married today great way to make your self feel better ey? You just whined that your new husband couldn't pick you up now everyone is sitting here calling you fat. Great way to spend your first day of marriage shouldn't you be having sex or something or spending quality time together?

jennnotjenny 0

Saturday 12 June 2010 6:35

Sadely i can picture this happening 2 me.

supersparta4300 0

Friday 22 October 2010 20:56

husband gotta hit the weights, and wife the treadmill.

scarface23 0

Sunday 13 March 2011 20:23

fatty

arobin51 0

Saturday 15 October 2011 6:11

How could you guys be so means it is called an fml for a reason. **** her life for that but put yourself in her shoes.

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend was on top in reverse cowgirl. After she orgasmed, all I heard was, "Oh fuck" and she clenched her butt to try stop, but it was too late, she shot diarrhoea up my stomach, chest and neck. The only reason I didn’t get any in my mouth was because it all got caught in my beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 079

You deserved it 410

Today, I asked my son to keep my new girlfriend secret from his mom until our divorce was final, and he ran straight to her. She told the judge I was unfaithful and wants more money from our settlement. My son doesn't give a shit about snitching on me, because she's giving him a percentage of the new settlement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386

You deserved it 1 847

The Top

Today, as I was leaving the office, I heard my very cute coworker behind me say "Hey gorgeous, where are you off to?" I turned around with a smile and said "About to hit up happy hour." He was on the phone with his wife. I'm calling in sick tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 479

You deserved it 12 218

Today, while my man of almost 5 years was playing a video game with his friends, during one of the conversations they were having, one of his childhood friends asked “What do you see in her?” He replied, “I don't know, it’s more of an entrapment type of thing.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 491

You deserved it 333

Today, I made the horrible mistake of leaving my car windows cracked while at work. Not only is the exterior yellow due to the pollen, but so is the interior. I'm not allergic, but you can feel the pollen in the back of your throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 792

You deserved it 278

Today, whilst at a red light in my car, a homeless man with a spray bottle and a dirty rag came over to clean my windows. He started with the driver's window, which was wide open, and whatever was in his spray bottle smelled suspiciously like urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 098

You deserved it 2 356

Today, in the middle of a hot air balloon ride with my girlfriend, I asked her to marry me. She said no. The rest of the ride was the most awkward two hours of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 741

You deserved it 4 469

Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with a girl from home who I'd wanted for a long time. She has low blood pressure problems though, and when things got hot, she passed out while she was on top of me, fell and hit her head on the night stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 111

You deserved it 3 951