Intimacy: Today, I got my first handjob. She ripped out a pube. It hurt...

By southernluxe - 04/09/2011 09:36 - United States

Today, I got my first handjob. She ripped out a pube. It hurt so bad my eyes teared up. She asked what was wrong and not wanting to make her feel guilty I had to tell her it was "Just so good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 948

You deserved it 10 651

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Nasty

By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 11:24 - Australia

Today, I got my first hand job. I started bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 524

You deserved it 5 891

Traumatized knob

By Anonymous - 10/03/2015 19:11

Today, I got my first handjob. I also found out today that a girl can pull your skin hard enough to cause it to bleed profusely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 005

You deserved it 4 617

Hott

By purple - 24/03/2012 05:30 - United States - Katy

Today, my girlfriend decided to pleasure me with a handjob. It was incredibly painful because she didn't understand that my foreskin isn't as flexible as she thought it to be. I didn't have the heart to tell her to stop until she asked, "Is it supposed to turn this color?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 180

You deserved it 12 413

By Anonymous - 30/12/2015 15:21 - Canada - Aurora

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 161

You deserved it 5 568

Frustrated wank

By Anonymous - 05/10/2023 19:00

Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 561

You deserved it 304

RIP Beard

By captain patch beard - 03/10/2019 18:01

Today, I met a girl at a bar, we had a few drinks and really hit it off. We headed back to my place to get a little action. As she was riding me, she got rougher and rougher until she reached down and yanked a patch of hair right out of my beard. I yelped in pain and didn’t even finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 121

You deserved it 442

By valerie - 28/05/2011 01:04 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 044

You deserved it 18 790

By mrricecakes - 23/03/2012 05:55 - United States - Gilbert

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. Let's just say pubes and toilet paper residue were the least of my problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 411

You deserved it 5 234

Are you experienced?

By Brax - 30/05/2012 09:46 - United States

Today, my girlfriend stuck her finger up my butt while giving me a hand-job, promising it would feel really good. It just felt awkward and made me need to poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 255

You deserved it 9 421

Girl boss

By dating walter white's gf apparently - 06/04/2013 19:13 - United Kingdom

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 120

You deserved it 13 417

shadowgamer_x 0

Sunday 4 September 2011 19:05

What a hairy situation. At least this wasn't in pubelic!

Althenias 0

Sunday 4 September 2011 19:04

try shaving, problem solved

Comments

dede9_fml 0

Sunday 4 September 2011 20:57

At least you were nice about it

Shannon61 4

Sunday 4 September 2011 21:00

to bad you don't like it rough

h0ward076 0

Sunday 4 September 2011 21:03

very considerate lol....

HU4L188 0

Sunday 4 September 2011 21:08

Ummm. How did she do that?

SluggerJ 7

Sunday 4 September 2011 21:11

Shave down there & it won't happen again or she could shave you OP. Just saying ;);)

ZielZone 4

Sunday 4 September 2011 21:18

ROFL... what are you going to tell her next time??

tinybear93 0

Sunday 4 September 2011 21:19

"today I gave a hj to a guy and he started crying. fml"

shooterbuddy 8

Monday 5 September 2011 11:31

I won't cry x

otb113 7

Sunday 4 September 2011 21:23

keep your shit shaved son

JPLovesAnimals 4

Sunday 4 September 2011 21:23

At least she didn't sprain it. But fyl. Never knew it hurt that bad but o well. (:

bananiesrnanies 0

Sunday 4 September 2011 21:37

LMFAO. I just died

Keywords

Awkward Love My ex Jealousy Friends AITA Health Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Sports Proposal Annoying Snow Cold weather Cheating Money Relatable Work DIY Kids Parenting Accident Parents Medication ADHD Weather Miscellaneous Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird

The Top

Stop everything you're doing right now, there's an (almost) naked lady in today's illustration! Plus, there's a puppet AND doctors. It's the perfect illustration, made by Gemma Correll, our British artist of the day. Check out her interview! ...

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 9

...

I agree, your life sucks 12

You deserved it 18

The Top

Today, I approached my mother for comfort, because I've been feeling depressed and unloved by anyone lately. She replied, “Honestly, I stopped loving you back when you were a toddler.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 257

You deserved it 157

Today, I woke up with an extremely irritable rash around my crotch. I didn't want to full out itch it by putting my hands down my pants, so I itched it by putting my hand in my pockets. I got kicked off the train for "pleasuring myself in public." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 912

You deserved it 5 805

Today, I was really excited because the girl I'd liked since freshman year asked me out. She came to my house and my mom decided to show her baby pictures of me with tampons up my nose because I'd had a nose bleed. Even worse, there was one picture of me when I was 15 doing the same thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 155

You deserved it 9 937

Today, the door to my daughter's room became jammed and wouldn't open while she was in the room. Being resourceful, I grabbed my ladder and climbed up to her window, only to end up stuck in her window. I'm not sure what was worse, getting stuck, or being laughed at by my neighbors for a while. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 175

You deserved it 8 684

Today, I'm looking for a job, and the employer I spoke to by phone was busy, but before hanging up he said "we will call you soon". I still wonder how he plans to do so without even having asked for my number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 800

You deserved it 2 629

Today, I came home to find my drunken father sitting on our front lawn. He had a blanket, lit candle, and was singing with his eyes closed. He told me he believed he was Buddha from watching the history channel. Meanwhile, cars were driving by our house beeping, and yelling "praise the lord!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 459

You deserved it 2 919