Intimacy: Today, I got my first handjob. She ripped out a pube. It hurt...

By southernluxe - 04/09/2011 09:36 - United States

Today, I got my first handjob. She ripped out a pube. It hurt so bad my eyes teared up. She asked what was wrong and not wanting to make her feel guilty I had to tell her it was "Just so good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 948

You deserved it 10 651

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Same thing different taste

Nasty

By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 11:24 - Australia

Today, I got my first hand job. I started bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 524

You deserved it 5 891

Traumatized knob

By Anonymous - 10/03/2015 19:11

Today, I got my first handjob. I also found out today that a girl can pull your skin hard enough to cause it to bleed profusely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 005

You deserved it 4 617

Hott

By purple - 24/03/2012 05:30 - United States - Katy

Today, my girlfriend decided to pleasure me with a handjob. It was incredibly painful because she didn't understand that my foreskin isn't as flexible as she thought it to be. I didn't have the heart to tell her to stop until she asked, "Is it supposed to turn this color?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 180

You deserved it 12 413

By Anonymous - 30/12/2015 15:21 - Canada - Aurora

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 161

You deserved it 5 568

Frustrated wank

By Anonymous - 05/10/2023 19:00

Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 561

You deserved it 304

RIP Beard

By captain patch beard - 03/10/2019 18:01

Today, I met a girl at a bar, we had a few drinks and really hit it off. We headed back to my place to get a little action. As she was riding me, she got rougher and rougher until she reached down and yanked a patch of hair right out of my beard. I yelped in pain and didn’t even finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 121

You deserved it 442

By valerie - 28/05/2011 01:04 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 044

You deserved it 18 790

By mrricecakes - 23/03/2012 05:55 - United States - Gilbert

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. Let's just say pubes and toilet paper residue were the least of my problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 411

You deserved it 5 234

Are you experienced?

By Brax - 30/05/2012 09:46 - United States

Today, my girlfriend stuck her finger up my butt while giving me a hand-job, promising it would feel really good. It just felt awkward and made me need to poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 255

You deserved it 9 421

Girl boss

By dating walter white's gf apparently - 06/04/2013 19:13 - United Kingdom

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 120

You deserved it 13 417

shadowgamer_x 0

Sunday 4 September 2011 19:05

What a hairy situation. At least this wasn't in pubelic!

Althenias 0

Sunday 4 September 2011 19:04

try shaving, problem solved

Comments

popkorn09 0

Monday 5 September 2011 0:07

You teared up cause you got a pube pulled out? Are you sure your boyfriend wasn't giving you a hand job?

Mokiikom_fml 8

Monday 5 September 2011 1:12

You did right. Women tend to be bitches about men whining about this sort of thing.

KaelaKhaotic 5

Monday 5 September 2011 1:17

Maybe you should have came prepared and shaved.

boobygirl 8

Monday 5 September 2011 1:39

I died laughing when I read this and then I stopped because I've had pads rip out multiple pubes at one time so I feel ur pain fyl.

lawl93 5

Monday 30 January 2012 2:31

how the **** do u do that the sticky stuff goss on ur panties not ur hair

leadman1989 15

Monday 5 September 2011 1:50

You're lucky I can't get a girl.. I had to train a monkey. Do you know how long it took before it would stop peeling my dick?

hurrr 0

Monday 5 September 2011 1:53

Did you buy a ho?

Kaflipnugget 0

Monday 5 September 2011 1:58

thats why you trim your shit!

Lovesglee 3

Monday 5 September 2011 2:07

This is y u trim the hedges before u have handjobs and whatnot.

Naeeboo 4

Monday 5 September 2011 2:24

Dayum, if it gutted yuh shoulda just said sumthng ._.

Doppelganger10 4

Monday 5 September 2011 2:28

HHahahaha

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The Top

Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 434

You deserved it 46 509

Today, I really wanted to spend a night of passion with my lover, so I'd arranged to meet him in a very classy hotel, gave him the room number, and waited for him in a super-sexy outfit. There was a knock at the door, so I opened it slowly and enticingly, assuming it was him. It was room service. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 406

You deserved it 11 953

The Top

Today, an annoying ex-coworker I have ignored for 15 years sent me an e-mail to "inform me of her new address." The e-mail actually enclosed a video of her touring the new house and garden like a realtor. I skipped to the end where she humblebrags about how "grateful" she is "to be blessed with this property." FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 118

Today, my date mugged me, just minutes after I paid our bill at the restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 587

You deserved it 2 960

Today, while going through airport security the lady asked why I folded everything so small. I said that I was going away for a month and needed to fit a lot of stuff in only one bag. She smiled, nodded and then dumped my luggage to search for "drugs and other illegal teen things." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 978

You deserved it 3 322

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying on one of my little black dresses and heels. He wanted to "see what the fuss was about." I would have been angry if the sight of him dressed like this hadn't turned me on more than he ever has in the 3 years we've been dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 859

You deserved it 6 168

Today, after taking various trains to get to Marseille to see Bruce Springsteen in concert, whom I've been waiting about 30 years to see, I found out only a few hours before it was supposed to start that the gig had been cancelled due to The Boss having "vocal issues." I'd even spent 50€ on a t-shirt. I actually cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 485

You deserved it 117

Today, my long-distance girlfriend's family accused me of being a scammer, all because I started a GoFundme to help me move my stuff into storage, as I am getting kicked out of my current place with nowhere to go in the middle of a housing crisis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 196