Intimacy: Today, I got my first handjob. She ripped out a pube. It hurt...

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By southernluxe - 04/09/2011 09:36 - United States

Today, I got my first handjob. She ripped out a pube. It hurt so bad my eyes teared up. She asked what was wrong and not wanting to make her feel guilty I had to tell her it was "Just so good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 968

You deserved it 10 659

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Same thing different taste

Nasty

By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 11:24 - Australia

Today, I got my first hand job. I started bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 542

You deserved it 5 897

Traumatized knob

By Anonymous - 10/03/2015 19:11

Today, I got my first handjob. I also found out today that a girl can pull your skin hard enough to cause it to bleed profusely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 018

You deserved it 4 620

Hott

By purple - 24/03/2012 05:30 - United States - Katy

Today, my girlfriend decided to pleasure me with a handjob. It was incredibly painful because she didn't understand that my foreskin isn't as flexible as she thought it to be. I didn't have the heart to tell her to stop until she asked, "Is it supposed to turn this color?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 204

You deserved it 12 437

By Anonymous - 30/12/2015 15:21 - Canada - Aurora

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 183

You deserved it 5 581

Frustrated wank

By Anonymous - 05/10/2023 19:00

Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 601

You deserved it 323

RIP Beard

By captain patch beard - 03/10/2019 18:01

Today, I met a girl at a bar, we had a few drinks and really hit it off. We headed back to my place to get a little action. As she was riding me, she got rougher and rougher until she reached down and yanked a patch of hair right out of my beard. I yelped in pain and didn’t even finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 141

You deserved it 450

By valerie - 28/05/2011 01:04 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 067

You deserved it 18 805

By mrricecakes - 23/03/2012 05:55 - United States - Gilbert

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. Let's just say pubes and toilet paper residue were the least of my problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 430

You deserved it 5 238

Are you experienced?

By Brax - 30/05/2012 09:46 - United States

Today, my girlfriend stuck her finger up my butt while giving me a hand-job, promising it would feel really good. It just felt awkward and made me need to poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 270

You deserved it 9 429

Girl boss

By dating walter white's gf apparently - 06/04/2013 19:13 - United Kingdom

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 144

You deserved it 13 427

shadowgamer_x 0

Sunday 4 September 2011 19:05

What a hairy situation. At least this wasn't in pubelic!

Althenias 0

Sunday 4 September 2011 19:04

try shaving, problem solved

Comments

Enslaved 36

Sunday 4 September 2011 19:24

It would be soooo funny if she knew that she pulled out the hair and now thinks you're into that sorta of kinky stuff and grabs a handful out the next time!

WordSmyth 2

Sunday 4 September 2011 19:30

Better tell her before she starts with the serious stuff. Let's just say it involves fingers in places that don't see light very often...

ohmandapants 16

Sunday 4 September 2011 19:35

You should have been honest with her. That's the key to a good sex life. She'll feel WAY worse if she's giving you hand or head and isn't able to get you off because she's doing it wrong

dOrine_fml 6

Sunday 4 September 2011 19:39

It would be so nice if we read an FML now that says: 'I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time and he starts crying so I'm going to end it'

iBrandon 0

Sunday 4 September 2011 19:41

Did that hurt so good?

leadman1989 15

Monday 5 September 2011 1:48

"yeah baby do it again" In a cartoonishly deep voice

xxmxixkxaxlxaxx 0

Sunday 4 September 2011 19:48

Beware of bush

Egnar 19

Sunday 4 September 2011 19:53

More likely than not she had no idea it even happened - It wouldn't be hard for someone with unruly hard to have a pube or 2 get grabbed with the shaft and she would never know the difference - She was probably very confused when he started to cry a bit.