Intimacy: Today, I got to talk to the guy I like. Thinking it would be...

By Me - 31/01/2010 05:01 - United States

Today, I got to talk to the guy I like. Thinking it would be about something pleasant. I was completely wrong. It was about the guy who sits in front of me and his masturbation problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 658

You deserved it 3 169

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Same thing different taste

By idrathernotgiveoutmyname - 31/01/2012 02:50 - Canada

Today, I was texting the guy I like. He's really smart, funny, athletic, and cute. This all changed when he told me he was jacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 932

You deserved it 8 886

By awkward O_o - 24/04/2013 21:15 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 798

You deserved it 4 923

Foot-in-mouth syndrome

By Anonymous - 26/05/2010 12:03 - United States

Today, I was talking to this guy I liked at work. He was flirting with me, and everything was going great, I was so happy, until he started talking non-stop about the extent of his foot fetish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 232

You deserved it 5 641

TMI, dude

By linren - 28/03/2009 18:40 - United States

Today, I was riding in the car with my new boyfriend. He had "something serious" to tell me. He started to emotionally confess his addiction to masturbation. In detail. The drive was two hours long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94 311

You deserved it 7 649

By automaticfail_00 - 17/06/2009 23:27 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my best friend who lives out of town. He was strangely quiet. Later that day I asked him why he didn't talk much. He admitted he was jacking off to the sound of my voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 112

You deserved it 5 066

By jill - 25/02/2014 16:59 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about some recent family drama my sister has been causing. He quickly lost interest and started jacking off right next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 073

You deserved it 8 184

By poopboy - 16/01/2017 10:49

Today, I sat next to this really hot guy in my writing class. We struck up a conversation, and it was going well, until he began describing, in excruciating detail, his IBS and fiber problems, and how he always has to poop. Good to know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 364

You deserved it 859

Dude, were you just in a McDonald's?

By Anonymous - 25/12/2022 15:00

Today, it started off as a good day, until my guy friend called me in the middle of me turning my vibrator on. He was crying so I couldn’t finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 656

You deserved it 834

By Anonymous - 11/06/2015 21:20 - United States - Helena

Today, I was talking to an old man I met at a store. He just wanted to know a few things, and he asked about my day. I explained a few bad things that'd happened, then I thanked him for listening. He then asked, "So, how are we gonna do this?" He thought we were gonna fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 931

You deserved it 3 360

By CALIdime_15 - 05/05/2012 05:42 - United States

Today, I watched my boyfriend have a full on conversation with his penis. He also talks to his penis nicer than he talks to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 361

You deserved it 4 920

lilbyrd43 0

Sunday 31 January 2010 12:34

A guy talking to you about another guy, masturbating? you pick the winners, don't you?

maskedman 9

Sunday 31 January 2010 12:38

I always thought masturbation was a pleasant topic.

Comments

spcoolj 0

Tuesday 2 February 2010 16:27

WTF

dancindiva12028 0

Tuesday 16 February 2010 18:53

well at least he talked to u! he cld just act like ur not there. try nd make conversation with him.

bigfatunderwear 0

Wednesday 7 July 2010 2:29

You have an incomplete sentence on your fml you artard.

lalalaloveit 0

Friday 23 July 2010 5:00

He's a winner

jessbobessy09 0

Wednesday 10 November 2010 17:43

at least you were talking lol

shinrawr 0

Saturday 2 July 2011 23:59

I talk to guys I like about stuff like that all the time. It's funny.

ShadowlessSpear 21

Sunday 1 March 2015 5:13

You're not very good at writing, are you?

moonchildcat 2

Tuesday 17 October 2023 3:26

if ur in school then yeah immature

Keywords

Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Sleep Work Love Dating Am I overreacting? Annoying Health Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts Fight Neighbours Cops Drugs Relatable Medication Animals Dogs Teenagers Ironic Video games Gamers Zoom

The Top

Today, it's been two months since I broke up with my boyfriend. He's been texting me every time he found a bobby pin at his house that belonged to me, saying we should both see it as a sign of us belonging together. If he keeps this up every time he finds one, the texts will probably never stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 096

You deserved it 880

Today, at work, I'm supervising one person. Recently there's been tension between her and a couple of other coworkers, one of which was her friend. I spent the day running around and trying to smooth things over, just to find out what started this was her walking in on her former friend talking about her behind her back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 295

You deserved it 96

The Top

Today, I texted my brother saying, "Always remember I love you! Never forget it!" to which he replied, "You better not be doing drugs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 023

You deserved it 9 757

Today, after I tried to help my friend bust his cheating girlfriend, he seems to still trust her, so now my office friends think I'm a bigmouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 323

You deserved it 176

Today, on the first day of the first week off together with my family in six months, we’re all quarantined with positive COVID tests. By the time we’re off quarantine, I’ll be back at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 811

You deserved it 158

Today, I married the woman I love. I wasn't the groom, I was the minister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 530

You deserved it 6 682

Today, the supervisory staff at work was changed in my area. The good news? My boyfriend is now my manager. The bad news? My ex, the guy I cheated on my boyfriend with, is our supervisor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 615

You deserved it 75 038

Today, I was talking to an ex who I still love. He told me how much he wanted to see me, how much he missed me, and we started talking about when we could spend the day at his house. I mentioned Saturday, and he said, "I can't, I have to take my fiancée to the doctor's to find out our baby's sex." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 182

You deserved it 8 030

Same thing different taste

Foot-in-mouth syndrome

TMI, dude

Dude, were you just in a McDonald's?

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