Intimacy: Today, I got to talk to the guy I like. Thinking it would be...

By Me - 31/01/2010 05:01 - United States

Today, I got to talk to the guy I like. Thinking it would be about something pleasant. I was completely wrong. It was about the guy who sits in front of me and his masturbation problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 658

You deserved it 3 169

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By idrathernotgiveoutmyname - 31/01/2012 02:50 - Canada

Today, I was texting the guy I like. He's really smart, funny, athletic, and cute. This all changed when he told me he was jacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 932

You deserved it 8 886

By awkward O_o - 24/04/2013 21:15 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 798

You deserved it 4 923

Foot-in-mouth syndrome

By Anonymous - 26/05/2010 12:03 - United States

Today, I was talking to this guy I liked at work. He was flirting with me, and everything was going great, I was so happy, until he started talking non-stop about the extent of his foot fetish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 232

You deserved it 5 641

TMI, dude

By linren - 28/03/2009 18:40 - United States

Today, I was riding in the car with my new boyfriend. He had "something serious" to tell me. He started to emotionally confess his addiction to masturbation. In detail. The drive was two hours long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94 311

You deserved it 7 649

By automaticfail_00 - 17/06/2009 23:27 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my best friend who lives out of town. He was strangely quiet. Later that day I asked him why he didn't talk much. He admitted he was jacking off to the sound of my voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 112

You deserved it 5 066

By jill - 25/02/2014 16:59 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about some recent family drama my sister has been causing. He quickly lost interest and started jacking off right next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 073

You deserved it 8 184

By poopboy - 16/01/2017 10:49

Today, I sat next to this really hot guy in my writing class. We struck up a conversation, and it was going well, until he began describing, in excruciating detail, his IBS and fiber problems, and how he always has to poop. Good to know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 364

You deserved it 859

Dude, were you just in a McDonald's?

By Anonymous - 25/12/2022 15:00

Today, it started off as a good day, until my guy friend called me in the middle of me turning my vibrator on. He was crying so I couldn’t finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 656

You deserved it 834

By Anonymous - 11/06/2015 21:20 - United States - Helena

Today, I was talking to an old man I met at a store. He just wanted to know a few things, and he asked about my day. I explained a few bad things that'd happened, then I thanked him for listening. He then asked, "So, how are we gonna do this?" He thought we were gonna fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 931

You deserved it 3 360

By CALIdime_15 - 05/05/2012 05:42 - United States

Today, I watched my boyfriend have a full on conversation with his penis. He also talks to his penis nicer than he talks to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 361

You deserved it 4 920

lilbyrd43 0

Sunday 31 January 2010 12:34

A guy talking to you about another guy, masturbating? you pick the winners, don't you?

maskedman 9

Sunday 31 January 2010 12:38

I always thought masturbation was a pleasant topic.

Comments

Sekococo 0

Sunday 31 January 2010 19:12

Give him a hand....Job :D

Goose2 0

Sunday 31 January 2010 20:03

thats kinda funny not gonna lie

shoguu 0

Sunday 31 January 2010 20:26

not an fml.

x805xUnknown 6

Monday 1 February 2010 1:24

Where the heck are youu sitting? I don't get it...

beast243 0

Monday 1 February 2010 3:52

really 3 u nailed that one on the head

beast243 0

Monday 1 February 2010 3:58

omfg those people that jst went on and on abought the sentence and spellin have like fuckn no lives!!!!!!

yottskry 0

Monday 1 February 2010 9:57

This from someone who can't even get vowels into all their words, uses 'like' to break a sentence up and finishes with six exclamation marks. What are you, 12? Yes, we're all really worried about what an intellect the size of yours thinks.