Health: Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the...

By Anonymous - 31/10/2009 19:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 774

You deserved it 6 758

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Same thing different taste

By Preggo - 10/12/2016 01:51

Today, I vomited so hard into the toilet that the water splashed back into my face. I instinctually moved away only to finish puking on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 602

You deserved it 860

By sicktomystomach - 02/05/2009 17:05 - United States

Today, during lunch at school, a wave of nausea came over me. I ran to the bathroom and made it just in time. As I was throwing up, I set off the toilet's automatic flush and my vomit came flying back into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 709

You deserved it 5 218

Hangover

By Anonymous - 10/11/2019 14:00

Today, I got really sick after drinking a lot of alcohol and started throwing up. Every time I threw up into the toilet, the water would splash back up into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 831

You deserved it 3 176

Wardrobe change please

By Meagan Ortiz - 16/08/2020 23:02

Today, I choked on water so hard that I threw up and shat myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 554

You deserved it 260

By cedechan - 29/09/2012 04:08 - United States - Tucson

Today, I got food poisoning at work. I had my head in the toilet when the auto flush decided to turn on. The force of the flush was so powerful half of what I threw up splashed back into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 728

You deserved it 2 480

Hot lava from both ends

By SickBoi - 30/03/2021 14:01 - United States - Cambridge

Today, I was suffering from food poisoning and had constant diarrhea, along with feeling nauseous. I couldn't hold my vomit in and rushed to the toilet, but due to the pressure, I pooped while still in pajamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 978

You deserved it 96

buys case of Listerine

By Sick Guy - 24/03/2018 20:30 - United States - Boynton Beach

Today, I wasn't feeling well at work. While I was in the bathroom losing my lunch, a very large piece of food came up. The resulting splash of toilet water went straight up into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 952

You deserved it 365

By Woody - 06/10/2018 14:00 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I went to take a dump at work, but the last person in the stall didn't flush. As I flushed for him, the shitty water splashed on my face. Some went in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 693

You deserved it 403

By sadddddd - 11/09/2011 01:54 - Canada

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night feeling sick. I went to the bathroom and knelt in front of the toilet, waiting to throw up. When I finally did, I violently shit my pants at the same time. I was at my friend's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 882

You deserved it 3 270

Geyser

By Ouch - 15/08/2009 07:51 - United States

Today, I was very sick and kept throwing up. I took a shower after every time I threw up. While in the shower after I threw up, I had to throw up again, so I got out and ran to the toilet. I slipped on the tile, broke my nose on the floor, and then threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 621

You deserved it 11 135

myballs 0

Sunday 1 November 2009 1:34

At that point, did you vomit again?

CH33RL34D3R 0

Sunday 1 November 2009 1:42

THAT's when the shit hits the fan...

Comments

meebabo77 0

Monday 9 November 2009 19:58

that's why you put a trashcan in front of you while sitting on the toilet. then you catch whatever is coming out both ways.

jrw2k10 1

Monday 16 November 2009 3:00

I once crapped and vomited at the same time, crapping into my pajamas and, luckily, vomiting into the toilet ALL IN MY AUNTS HOUSE

DropDeaddd 0

Thursday 19 November 2009 7:50

Sucks to be you

HopelesslyFAIL 0

Wednesday 16 December 2009 2:45

this gives a new meaning to shit faced!

fableq 0

Tuesday 26 January 2010 3:45

This is why I keep the garbage withing reach of the toilet!

jpreasy4 0

Saturday 6 February 2010 20:35

garbage can is the key my friend. food poisoning is a bitch

jammacan 0

Saturday 20 March 2010 8:18

ewww

lover_girl_1910 0

Wednesday 23 March 2011 20:18

thats gross!! But ****** funny

chili_is_good 0

Friday 29 April 2011 2:58

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA YOU FAIL

bibi_nette 14

Sunday 18 September 2011 18:58

And didn't get fame.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, while my boyfriend and I were on a picnic date out in the country, things got a little heated. When we were switching positions, he screamed and started running around. Turns out neither of us noticed the beehive in the tree above us until his dick got stung. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 295

You deserved it 1 133

Today, making small talk with my coworkers, I said a restaurant I'd tried recently was "superb". They all gave me weird looks, and one said, "Someone's trying too hard to sound smart." Now I've got a rep as a pseudo-intellectual douchebag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 546

You deserved it 109

The Top

Today, I care more and have stronger feelings for my boss/best friend than my boyfriend, and can't tell either of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 158

You deserved it 556

Today, the coworker I have a crush on left halfway through the busiest shift of the week, and now I have to work it alone. I eventually found out that she left to go on a date with her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 879

You deserved it 381

Today, I learned that it's cute when a goat comes up to you and licks your face. That is, until you realize that goat was just eating poison ivy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 869

You deserved it 5 777

Today, I washed my boyfriend's work clothes, trying to make up for a fight we had earlier. After taking them out, I found his phone, wallet and keys at the bottom of the washer, completly waterlogged. This is not the peace offering I'd hoped for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 703

You deserved it 7 846

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend. We were driving to his hockey game and he was joking around about throwing my favorite hoodie out of his window. While swinging it around, my brand new iPhone flew out of the pocket and the window, getting run over by a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 450

You deserved it 7 780

Today, my friend told me she wanted to get pregnant. I thought that was good news, but then she said she wanted my boyfriend to be the father of her baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 880

You deserved it 2 821