Health: Today, I had an upset stomach. I decided to quickly take out...

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By TheCerealKiller - 07/08/2012 09:19 - United States - Northridge

Today, I had an upset stomach. I decided to quickly take out the trash before heading to the bathroom. As I opened the trash can lid, a raccoon jumped out. I learned the literal meaning of being scared shitless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 318

You deserved it 2 723

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 18/09/2010 06:31 - United States

Today, I was bringing the garbage cans inside and noticed one felt a little heavy. I opened it, only to find a raccoon. A very angry raccoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 459

You deserved it 2 931

Surprise, MFer!

By Anonymous - 04/09/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I went to use a public restroom. I walked into the first stall and found it occupied… by a raccoon. It hissed at me, and in my panic, I backed into a janitor's cart, knocking over the mop and bucket. I had to leave the bathroom drenched in dirty water while a crowd of people watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 103

Not so cute

By Anonymous - 01/12/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I tried to pet what I thought was a cute cat under my porch. As it turned out, it was actually a raccoon. It hissed at me, and I screamed so loud that my neighbors came running. FML

I agree, your life sucks 120

You deserved it 441

By Anonymous - 10/11/2010 01:31 - United States

Today, there was an animal rummaging around in my trashcan, so I kicked the trashcan to see what it was. The fox then chased me for three blocks to find out what I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 989

You deserved it 30 606

By Anonymous - 09/05/2009 03:03 - United States

Today, I woke up and went into the bathroom and noticed a dark mass in the toilet. Thinking someone took a dump and didn't flush, I approached the toilet ready to dispose of it. That's when I noticed its whiskers and ears. It was a rat, and it was alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 929

You deserved it 3 571

Darwin smiled

By Ihateracoons - 06/09/2022 06:30

Today, I saw a raccoon family on my front porch. There were 3 little babies. Wanting to keep one as a pet, I scooped up one of the babies. The mother raccoon turned around, made a bizarre roaring, hissing sound, and attacked me. I’m currently in the ER covered in grass and scratches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 5 324

Ratatouille

By Anonymous - 16/10/2020 08:02

Today, after my house almost got broken into last week, when I heard some noises in the kitchen I went to investigate. I saw a huge rat run across my floor, and nearly peed myself thinking it was an intruder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 010

You deserved it 175

Poot

By dumblonde76 - 14/09/2021 07:00 - United States - Jackson

Today, I had a rumble in my tummy whilst picking up groceries. I tried to let out a little poot, but ended up shitting in my pants. I had to leave without the groceries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 907

You deserved it 382

Sorry, little dude

By dire-rear - 16/01/2010 20:19 - Singapore

Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 105

You deserved it 3 659

By scaredscreenless - 16/08/2011 19:27 - United States

Today, I was on my back patio talking with my husband. It got dark outside, and I saw something shuffling in the back yard. I freaked out so bad that I went to run inside, only to fly face-first into the screen door. Turns out the shuffling was a baby rabbit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 692

You deserved it 27 362

Icyghost17 10

Tuesday 7 August 2012 16:11

I'm sure the raccoon felt the same way.

rikitsumiatsu 11

Tuesday 7 August 2012 16:13

he was waiting for the perfect moment to get you

Comments

emoshadow47 9

Tuesday 7 August 2012 16:16

Uhh, i would have been more worried about how your goin to catch it how long its going to be loose in your house...

lexiieeex3 32

Tuesday 7 August 2012 16:19

It's not in OP's house. He was taking out the trash.

kayliers 5

Tuesday 7 August 2012 23:42

11- I love ur profile pic!!!!!!!

calipilot227 16

Wednesday 8 August 2012 4:12

Someone caught a bad case of retarded...

reject214 10

Tuesday 7 August 2012 16:16

Well at least you no longer have to go to the bathroom - the bathroom came to you. LMAO!

lexiieeex3 32

Tuesday 7 August 2012 16:17

If you had that much of an upset stomach, why wouldn't you take care of yourself first?

perdix 29

Tuesday 7 August 2012 16:17

That's lucky. If you had gone to the bathroom before you took out the trash, you would have had nothing in the chute when the raccoon popped out. There's nothing worse than anal dry heaves.

lexiieeex3 32

Tuesday 7 August 2012 16:20

Lmfaooo

DerrickJames 33

Wednesday 8 August 2012 14:13

I see you everywhere.

krylonpony 3

Tuesday 7 August 2012 16:24

Reminds me of that family guy episode when Peter turned on tv then got mauled by one, then returning to the outhouse to do his business and a pelican type bird knocking it over. Causing an overload of aging decomposing fecal matter to devour his Coon' wounds to the pain that only the hands of hell could deliver.