Work: Today, I had my first meeting with business partners as I am...

By Anonymous - 06/05/2009 06:04 - United States

Today, I had my first meeting with business partners as I am new to the team. Instead of saying that I was looking forward to "stretching my legs" or "spreading my wings", I told them I was anxious to start "spreading my legs". FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 350

You deserved it 21 995

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Same thing different taste

By taperjeangirl - 21/02/2009 23:15 - United States

Today, I was telling my mom that I was really nervous about going to the gynecologist for the first time. Her response, "Oh don't worry, it's not like it's the first time you've spread your legs!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 765

You deserved it 10 555

By Unnoticed - 27/07/2017 06:30 - Australia - Thornlie

Today, my colleague introduced herself and said, "I know how nerve-racking first days are!" Which is nice of her, except I've been at this company longer than she has. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 145

You deserved it 324

By kitkat3308 - 30/03/2015 05:06 - United States - Lees Summit

Today, after recently quitting a terrible job which made me miserable, I went to my first work meeting at my new job. I was excited to start fresh and meet my new coworkers. Instead, I met my boyfriend's extremely jealous ex-girlfriend. She didn't look excited to see me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 122

You deserved it 2 209

By Username - 19/05/2011 15:13

Today, I finally started my dream job. I turned up for work with a huge smile on my face. Imagine how much my face dropped when I saw that I had to share an office with the girl I stood up last weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 980

You deserved it 80 651

By Partners - 22/06/2015 19:55 - United States - Alpharetta

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his friends as his "sex partner." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 817

You deserved it 3 403

By Mito - 10/09/2017 23:15

Today, we had an impromptu meeting to get to know the new additions to the team. They asked me to introduce myself. I started a year ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 614

You deserved it 319

Confuddled

By Anonymous - 18/10/2024 22:00 - Canada

Today, I met my boyfriend’s parents for the first time. I got nervous and tried to say, "Nice to meet you, I’ve heard a lot about you!" when I should’ve just said, "It’s nice to meet you." To make things worse, it came out as, "Nice to hear you, I’ve met a lot about you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 293

You deserved it 145

By CurtisWogan - 12/03/2014 22:23 - United States - Albany

Today, I met my mom's new business partner for the first time. I shook his hand, and introduced myself as "Lisa's daughter." I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 934

You deserved it 13 475

Bored senseless

By Anonymous - 01/10/2010 16:55 - United States

Today, I started my first day of work. I was told to absorb everything going on and to get used to the high-paced flow of things. I've been sitting at my desk for two hours now, and the office has been empty since I've walked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 312

You deserved it 2 988

By Anonymous - 18/06/2016 03:22 - United States - Detroit

Today, I finally started my first job. I also lost it, for being too "enthusiastic" and making my fellow employees look lazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 111

You deserved it 969

Blanadestroyer 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 12:19

The word of the day is "legs". Let's go spread it!

effyourlizzife 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 12:07

HAHAHAHA that's beautiful

Comments

HeyitsPheddy 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 10:04

It doesn't matter as long as you live up to your word...

ericlovesme 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 10:13

BAHAHAHAHAHA That is classic

nyge72 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 14:17

Very funny. It could be even worse if you work in an care home, cucumber factory etc. That would certainly raise a few eyebrows.

gridiron3 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 22:10

DUMBASS

Danastica 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 23:55

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. wow.

soozin 0

Friday 8 May 2009 2:48

xDDD

isantorin 0

Friday 8 May 2009 3:11

#8 LMFAO this is great

zymn 6

Friday 8 May 2009 16:49

sounds like someone needs a promotion!

W0nderbread 0

Friday 8 May 2009 23:30

OMG, this has got to be the best FML everrrr. lol hilarious. sorry though. hahah

ItsNotTheTime 0

Saturday 9 May 2009 6:02

ha i bet they love you now. only if you deliver on that statement though

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Neighbours Wanker Lonely Halloween Party Jealousy Love Argument Fight Family Animals Cats Parents Sports Health Embarrassing Shopping Medication Anger issues Birds Weddings Pranks TikTok YouTube Dogs Cute AITA Work

The Top

Today, my dad asked me to send my mom a text since he was driving and I was in the passenger seat. I pulled up my mom's contact on his phone, and I found that my mom had recently sent my dad a picture of her jugs, along with the message, "We miss you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 861

You deserved it 2 751

Today, I accidentally fell asleep at work after working a 12-hour shift. Instead of waking me up, my coworkers spiked my coffee mug with whiskey and told my boss I was drunk. My boss wouldn't even listen to my side of the story and fired me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 707

You deserved it 2 991

The Top

Today, I decided to go to a therapy group to help with my anxiety and to meet people who felt similar. I joked with my friend that no one would turn up as people might feel anxious about going. I was right. I was the only one there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 749

You deserved it 3 779

Today, I came out to my parents and siblings as gay. They were very accepting and asked me why I waited until I was 25 to do so. I didn't have the heart to tell them it was their own homophobic remarks that kept me closeted since I realized it at 14, and that a previous coming-out to a parent was dismissed as 'a phase'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 079

You deserved it 268

Today, my dad told me he had a present for me. It was his tooth, which he had pulled out a few minutes before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 020

You deserved it 2 228

Today, my friend and I went to a tacky-themed party. She was wearing orange faux snake stilettos. I commented, "Those are perfect for tonight, where'd you manage to find such hideous shoes?" It turns out she wears those shoes all the time, the color just matched her outfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 623

You deserved it 44 508

Today, while driving to Nashville, I saw a bunch of wild turkeys huddled together on the side of the road. I was excited to point them out to my boyfriend, until I realized that the "wild turkeys" were in fact vultures, and that they were eating a dead deer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 500

You deserved it 4 289

Today, it's the third anniversary of when I started looking for a new job. I'm still working at the job that made me want to get a new one and I haven't even had an interview for another one in almost two years. My Master's degree on the wall is looking more and more like a roll of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 698

You deserved it 3 568

Same thing different taste

Confuddled

Bored senseless

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