Intimacy: Today, I had to grip the headboard of my bed for the first time...

By HeartToFart - 08/07/2014 23:37 - United States - North Port

Today, I had to grip the headboard of my bed for the first time in months. I wasn't having incredible sex unfortunately, just really bad gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 770

You deserved it 6 728

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 14/12/2018 14:00

Today, after weeks of no sex, my boyfriend finally decided to have sex with me. While we were getting into it I accidentally farted in his face while his mouth was open. No more sex for me. FML

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You deserved it 2 146

Clenched

By Lovergirl - 01/01/2010 20:23 - United States

Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 799

You deserved it 3 945

By Anonymous - 24/07/2019 20:00

Today, I've had bad gas all day. In bed, almost asleep, I felt the urge to fart, and thinking nothing of it, I let it rip. It wasn't a fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 533

You deserved it 434

Multitasking

By Anonymous - 14/11/2012 21:28 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, was the day my girlfriend and I tried to 69 for the first time. Today is also the day I learned that I'm physically incapable of maintaining an erection after someone farts in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 249

You deserved it 6 807

By Mr Eek - 25/10/2008 16:57

Today, for the very first time I got it on with my girlfriend. Unfortunately, afterwards I had a terrible tummy ache and let out a very noisy fart. I'm not sure she'll still be my girlfriend tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 577

You deserved it 12 446

First time?

By Anonymous - 31/07/2021 23:01 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my long-term boyfriend and I went on a romantic getaway. In the hotel we were having great sex, I was so close to… and then he farted. FML

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You deserved it 313

Just once

By Anonymous - 19/02/2020 20:00

Today, at last, my husband instigated sex for the first time since the honeymoon a few months ago when he started fondling me in bed. Then I realised he was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 974

You deserved it 201

By LoveStruck- - 10/02/2010 07:29 - United States

Today, I hung out with my boyfriend for the first time in two weeks. We were cuddling on the couch when he suddenly stands up. I thought he was going to hug me, but then he turned around, pinned my shoulders back so I couldn't move, and farted in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 790

You deserved it 5 743

By Carla - 12/11/2017 01:30

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night choking and had to open my bedroom window. No, it wasn’t a gas leak. My husband had a curry last night and his constant farting was so bad I was struggling to breathe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 810

You deserved it 441

By oopsie - 01/05/2019 20:00

Today, I got diarrhea. During sex. I didn’t even make it out of the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 978

You deserved it 369

yahoowizard 16

Wednesday 9 July 2014 9:06

At least it's a rare occurrence? The gas, that is.

singer0421 32

Wednesday 9 July 2014 9:08

At least you weren't having both at the same time. Wouldn't be so incredible anymore...

Comments

RageWolf16 31

Wednesday 9 July 2014 9:16

Hope you feel better

dudeman1212 22

Wednesday 9 July 2014 9:23

I bet the screams sound similar.

Whotevah 8

Wednesday 9 July 2014 18:04

Omg haha

drummer1017 8

Wednesday 9 July 2014 9:29

Either way you'd feel a sigh of relief afterwards

anticulas 12

Thursday 10 July 2014 3:27

How exactly do you "feel" a sigh of relieve?

drummer1017 8

Monday 14 July 2014 1:34

By feeling better? What a silly question

sharklover2017 11

Wednesday 9 July 2014 9:32

Haha shrug it off hun. We all go through those moments of extreme gas. Like Shrek says, better out than in!

Pstraka6 20

Wednesday 9 July 2014 9:33

Either way I'm sure the relief felt just as amazing

dawood_k 27

Wednesday 9 July 2014 9:36

Mind blowing farts...

RedPillSucks 31

Wednesday 9 July 2014 15:42

More like Fart blowing mind.

2i1337i2iscore 13

Wednesday 9 July 2014 9:48

This, I must say, is a real FML post lol

91hayek 31

Wednesday 9 July 2014 9:50

Rather a headboard than a dashboard in that situation.

worldclassrager 39

Wednesday 9 July 2014 10:10

Take Beno before and there will be no gas

wvcheesehead 13

Wednesday 9 July 2014 19:12

or Bono and there will be no U2.

FMLworthy5000 21

Wednesday 9 July 2014 10:13

So exactly what caused the extreme gas??

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The Top

Today, I really wanted to spend a night of passion with my lover, so I'd arranged to meet him in a very classy hotel, gave him the room number, and waited for him in a super-sexy outfit. There was a knock at the door, so I opened it slowly and enticingly, assuming it was him. It was room service. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 406

You deserved it 11 953

Today, I was denied food stamp assistance. Apparently, you need to work 20 hours a week while being a full time student to qualify or have a work study. I was recently suspended from my work study for calling off because my aunt died, and if I worked 20 hours a week, why would I need food stamps? FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 150

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The Top

Today, I'd always been scared of meeting someone from Tinder, so I was really reassured when my first Tinder date went really well. I kept seeing the guy. He then gave me herpes. FML

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You deserved it 452

Today, I parked in front of a grocery store and took the portable GPS system off the mount on the dashboard and put it in my pocket so no one would break into my car and steal it. When I got back, the window was smashed and someone had stolen the plastic mount. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 590

You deserved it 3 532

Today, after 7 hours of driving, I begged my wife to take over for the last 3 hours. She pulled out a flask and took a long swig, then smirked at me. I drove the rest of the way. FML

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You deserved it 138

Today, according to my wife, if we hadn’t gotten drunk and pregnant on the first date, she never would've chosen me to be her husband, as I’m not her type, not even close, and that frankly I’m lucky her Catholic upbringing was the only thing that stopped her having multiple affairs. FML

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Today, I felt like surprising my coworkers by bringing donuts. Feeling generous, I got a dozen from the most reputable bakery in town. On my way to the office, I tripped, and the box flew open, scattering donuts everywhere. A group of pigeons swooped in and devoured them before I could recover. I spent $30 on pigeon breakfast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 382

You deserved it 120

Today, I found out a guy I had a thing with a while back thinks I am obsessed with him. This is because when he said that we should be friends, I stupidly thought he was being sincere and bothered to call him all of three times in the last five months. Clearly a sign of obsession. FML

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You deserved it 3 873