Animals: Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my...

By anonymous - 17/07/2013 04:48 - United States - Katy

Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 653

You deserved it 7 400

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Same thing different taste

Pink tax

By banj0 - 06/10/2012 22:58 - United States - Madison

Today, I had to pry my sister's used tampon out from between my dog's jaws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 780

You deserved it 2 216

By Anonymous - 11/06/2019 06:00

Today, I was picking up after my dog with a poo baggie over my hand, like a mitten. Too bad the bottom ripped open and my bare hand poked through it just as I grabbed a big handful of steaming dog turd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 848

You deserved it 300

Pull!

By buttpicker - 19/04/2010 23:24 - United States

Today, I was walking my dog and he stopped to take a crap. While he was doing his business, I saw something white coming out of his butt that just wouldn't budge. He started whimpering and I stepped in to help him. I pulled out an entire plastic bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 584

You deserved it 4 595

By Anonymous - 08/02/2017 04:00 - United States - Tucson

Today, I was playing tug of war with my dog. She let go and I ended up punching myself in the mouth. My lip is still swollen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 949

You deserved it 1 095

By clitorasaurus - 21/08/2010 06:09 - Canada

Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm while wiping my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 616

You deserved it 33 001

It's Caturday, respect our feline leaders

By believekimber - 09/07/2022 16:00

Today, I was feeding my pets and playing with my puppy when I suddenly felt something behind me. My cat is on the arm of the couch steadily spanking my butt with his paw. I can't win! FML

I agree, your life sucks 606

You deserved it 269

Bad boy

By darlingditz - 02/04/2009 23:05 - United States

Today, I was babysitting for a new family. While the father was telling me about bed times and how to reach him, their dog started humping my leg. As I tried to discreetly push the dog away, his paw got caught in the pocket of my huge sweatpants, pulling them down. I was wearing a thong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 519

You deserved it 12 530

By Genuine D - 13/05/2017 08:00 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I pulled a white cloth with string on the end from my dog's mouth. I then realized I was holding my sister's used tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 490

You deserved it 449

By Anonymous - 07/03/2015 20:14 - United States - Columbia City

Today, a dog bit me, tearing a hole through my sweatpants, my shorts, and my underwear, all to get at the dog treat I'd hidden in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 442

You deserved it 9 332

By LostInSunday - 15/08/2016 08:11

Today, I accidentally slapped myself in the face with my belt when I pulled it from my belt loops too quickly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 269

You deserved it 2 804

Zack6849 8

Wednesday 17 July 2013 12:02

How the hell did a toy hand get up your dog's ass? on second thought, don't want to know.

Chelsea_bella 20

Wednesday 17 July 2013 12:03

You got the shit slapped out of you while at the same time, getting the shit slapped onto you.

Comments

wowthatissad 9

Monday 22 July 2013 1:34

High five

UofLCardFan08 6

Wednesday 24 July 2013 7:38

And this would be the moment where you explain how a toy got into your dog's ass.

Baller_Bob 17

Thursday 13 March 2014 13:57

I'm sorry but this has to be the funniest FML ever

worldclassrager 39

Thursday 9 October 2014 15:52

That's a real slap in the face... On my way out don't even bother

GAeroNKissR 26

Wednesday 2 December 2015 6:18

O MY GOD I HONESTLY JUST LAUGHED OUT LOUD !!! The image in my head - ahahahahaha

notjordansime 12

Thursday 18 August 2016 12:43

Up top!

LyricaSilvan 29

Saturday 17 September 2016 2:46

The number of people asking how it got there makes me sad for humanity. Are people really that incapable of thinking things through?

Keywords

Gross Cats Animals Poopoo peepee Relatable Health Scary Kids Mental health Parents Creepy Cold weather Miscellaneous Embarrassing Tinder Dating Love Work Cute Transportation Cops Awkward Sports Crush Teachers Education AITA Public freakouts Mother in law Weddings

The Top

Today, I was giving a presentation at work, when I said, "But we could care less about that." My boss asked if I meant, "Couldn't care less." Wanting to avoid embarrassment, I tried to think up an excuse, only to end up blurting that it was my phone's auto-correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 584

You deserved it 35 268

Today, I found out my boyfriend of two years cheated on me. His reason? "You were flirting with me for a whole year before us when you had a whole boyfriend at the time. How do I know you aren't a cheater?" His further reasoning was that at least if I cheated on him, he'd have a reason to stay with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 182

You deserved it 349

The Top

Today, my cat looked like it was about to puke, so I put it outside. Unhappy with the situation, it leaped on to the kitchen window ledge and squeezed in through the open window, only to projectile vomit mid-leap all over the kitchen counter. I found a hairball in the butter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 406

You deserved it 761

Today, at the doctor's, I had lots of papers to fill out so my boyfriend offered to help. We submitted them and the doctor called me a few minutes later. Under disorders my boyfriend had written, "Major cock craving disorder." The doctor couldn't stop giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 765

You deserved it 12 466

Today, a guy who likes me a little too much, and who I asked to tone his advances down a little, sent me a message on Twitter, Facebook and by text message to apologize. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 403

You deserved it 1 039

Today, I discovered that when you suddenly get channels that you didn't have before, it doesn't mean there was a glitch and you're getting free TV, it just means that your son called the cable company and had your plan changed so you get every conceivable channel at a hugely increased price. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 787

You deserved it 5 285

Today, I live with my mother and realized she goes out with her friends and dates more times a week than I do in a single month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 067

You deserved it 3 902

Today, I took my girlfriend to go see Les Misérables. I tried to stay tough but completely lost it and started sobbing when Anne Hathaway began singing. My girlfriend called me a wimp and stayed dry-eyed throughout the whole movie. I'm dating a robot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 434

You deserved it 15 216