Health: Today, I have been pissing blood for 2 hours, ever since some...

By Nixontones - 14/10/2011 15:09 - United States

Today, I have been pissing blood for 2 hours, ever since some douche in a Nixon mask ran up and slugged me in the kidney. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 061

You deserved it 2 521

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By waterdog - 18/04/2011 20:12 - United States

Today, I was carefully drawing blood from a drunk who'd threatened to kill me if I hurt him, when another drunk behind me decided to take a piss on my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 605

You deserved it 4 359

Inconvenienced

By Anonymous - 06/05/2022 20:00 - United States - Dover

Today, I got a nosebleed. For 7 hours. I ended up in the ER. FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 85

Panic!

By Bleach dat Blood - 20/07/2015 03:02

Today, I woke to find a pool of my own blood all over my pillow. Frantic to find the source of the blood, I rushed into the bathroom and tripped over my too-long pajama pants. Crashing to the floor face first, I broke my nose. Turns out I had just bitten my lip in the middle of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 119

You deserved it 3 813

Tis the season to be jolly

By littl3storm - 23/12/2020 15:59 - United Kingdom

Today, at the ripe age of 20, I spent the early hours of my morning violently vomiting blood every time I got too warm. I then had the pleasure of shitting in a plastic container for a stool sample, due to said problem, after one and half hours of sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 86

By nosey - 08/04/2013 19:20 - United Kingdom - Mountain Ash

Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 667

You deserved it 40 132

Clogged

By Anonymous - 24/03/2023 00:00

Today, I ended up in the hospital for the fourth time since beginning of January due to kidney stones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 848

You deserved it 112

Apocalypse Now

By dacara6415 - 26/08/2020 14:01 - United States

Today, I was diagnosed with a kidney infection; the symptoms include nausea and having to pee every five minutes. I had to walk six miles in the pouring rain to pick up the medication, peed in the woods twice, got honked at while throwing up on the road, and my boyfriend told me not to complain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 013

You deserved it 157

By Anonymous - 19/10/2009 18:09 - United States

Today, I have a UTI. After taking some sample medicine my doctor gave to me, I had a lot of back pain and nausea. I also spent 6 hours in the ER with no health insurance because I thought I was urinating blood. Nope, "peeing red" is just a little side-effect my doctor forgot to inform me of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 218

You deserved it 4 562

High tension

By Discipl - 28/10/2014 03:00 - Canada - Waterloo

Today, I strained so hard while on the toilet that I gave myself a nosebleed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 110

You deserved it 5 958

By urinanalysis - 03/12/2009 16:08 - Canada

Today, I went to get blood and urine tests done before work. As I was attempting to aim into the cup, I lost balance and slipped. I ended up peeing on my sleeves and my pants. I was late for work and I smelled like pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 365

You deserved it 7 313

awagh666 14

Friday 14 October 2011 18:52

Hope you are posting this from a hospital bed. Get well soon.

alliewillie 22

Friday 14 October 2011 18:54

Might wanna get that checked out...

Comments

sniperxz 0

Wednesday 19 October 2011 6:46

Something from a clockwork orange

BoopADoop 9

Thursday 20 October 2011 19:18

Son, you had better be in a hospital! But now you can sue and become a millionaire!

Daralea 21

Thursday 20 October 2011 20:04

Yess! Sue Nixon!

BloodMonger13 9

Sunday 23 October 2011 21:12

Iii would get that checked out op

foreverDark 1

Sunday 30 October 2011 23:03

ER. Seriously you could have internal damage done

fishielover1124 12

Tuesday 15 November 2011 19:41

Hope you get better and that you went to the hospital for that >.

isminei 6

Thursday 15 December 2011 19:57

What do you expect from Nixon?

foreverhurt 6

Wednesday 21 December 2011 22:31

Hope you get better soon. :(

roseriddle 4

Saturday 31 December 2011 23:43

(Tricky) Dick strikes again! But seriously, you should probably get that checked out by a doctor or something.

pexy_fml 16

Saturday 28 April 2012 23:49

Yes keep posting on FML and continue pissing blood. Hospital is a bad idea Stay home and stab your self if you start feeling better

writergirl23 19

Tuesday 6 November 2012 4:21

Get to the doctor!

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I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 39

Today, I left something in my boss's office. The door was closed which usually means she isn't in there, so I asked her coworker/friend for the key. When I opened the door, she screamed at me to get out of there. Turns out, she has just stopped breastfeeding her son and was pumping her breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 433

You deserved it 21 177

The Top

Today, my boyfriend is once again mad at me because I refused to have shower sex with him. I’m too embarrassed to explain to him that ever since I could remember, if I don’t take my showers sitting down, I vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 944

You deserved it 482

Today, our Dungeons & Dragons group has imploded. A member kept making inappropriate passes at me, even though he knows I’m married. Now my husband has been threatening to “wring his skinny little neck like a chicken” if he ever sees him again, and now the other members are calling my man a bully. FML

I agree, your life sucks 829

You deserved it 167

Today, I got an email from the company that manages my cat's microchip informing me that I had to update my information that had been entered by the local Humane Society. Apparently, they listed my cat "Coral" as the owner, and me as the pet. To change it, they needed the cat's signature. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 451

You deserved it 4 444

Today, after shaking my boss's hand, I noticed that he had a piece of toilet paper stuck to one of his fingernails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 586

You deserved it 44

Today, I wanted to try my mom's new lipstick. I opened it, baffled, examined it carefully. That's when it started to vibrate. Obviously, that wasn't a lipstick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 568

You deserved it 10 938

Today, I was at the bar with a date. My date made a joke about me being a slow drinker, so I tried to impress her by chugging the rest of my glass. She was impressed with how fast I chugged my beer, until it came back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 911

You deserved it 41 902