Intimacy: Today, I jokingly told my mom that I was having sex with my Professor.... - FML

By acincollege - 21/02/2009 05:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, I jokingly told my mom that I was having sex with my Professor. Her response was, "As long as you're getting A's, honey!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 491

You deserved it 53 039

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Same thing different taste

By TomPom - 25/11/2008 06:54 - France

Spicy

Today, in one of the corridors at university, I was pretending to have passionate sex with one of my lecturers to make my mates laugh. She happened to walk by just at that moment. She reminded me when my next exam is; she will be marking me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 311

You deserved it 37 589

By ToothHurtyAM - 18/10/2018 05:00

Spicy

Today, the principal of my school asked me if I had practice. Knowing he's gullible, I said yes. I came home to find him and my mom having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 283

You deserved it 880

Zaps you dead

By FirstWeekFail - 04/09/2018 18:30

Spicy

Today, I was bitching to my mom on the phone about the long, boring paper assignment my Lit professor gave us. Right after saying, "That woman needs to get laid" I heard laughter behind me. I turned around. Hello professor, just on my way to drop the course. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 294

You deserved it 3 224

Keep it down!

By LonelyStudent - 02/09/2019 19:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, while at a grocery store, I told my mom I had some good news. She exclaimed, "You finally got a boyfriend?!" No mom, just an A on my math test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 631

You deserved it 172

By Acu7519 - 16/04/2018 15:00

Today, at my job as a 2nd grade teacher, I was explaining to my students how I'm pregnant and will have to take a break from teaching after I have my baby. One of my students replied with "Ooooooooohhh Ms. Johnson had sex!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 200

You deserved it 851

By lalararara - 04/03/2010 15:48 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got a 95 on my term project. To congratulate me, my boyfriend said we're having sex tonight. I only get laid if I get good grades. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 001

You deserved it 6 784

Sex work is work

By Anonymous - 15/11/2023 04:00

Spicy

Today, I was joking to mom that at the rate I’m going I’ll have to start an OnlyFans to afford college next year. She shrugged like it was nothing because apparently prostitution got her through college and bought her her first house before she accidentally got pregnant with me. Um, WHAT? FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 264

By Anonymous - 24/12/2018 12:00

Today, my Mom found out that I've been intimate with one of my best friends in the past. We used protection, it never went anywhere, and we ended it amicably, but she still gave me a huge lecture. Later, she high-fived and congratulated him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 704

You deserved it 502

By Nails - 22/02/2009 03:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went to the doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 126

You deserved it 7 243

Excuses

By sucks - 12/03/2009 17:53 - United States

Spicy

Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage. Coming from a very Christian family, I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "Is that your excuse for not being able to get laid?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 295 561

You deserved it 54 147

Next

Top comments

mariasaur 0

Saturday 21 February 2009 14:23

I have a feeling she was responding with a joke.

bumverb 0

Saturday 21 February 2009 13:18

sorry, that's hilarious

Comments

jaycro 0

Monday 1 February 2010 13:00

well your mom knows what's important

emdre 0

Monday 8 March 2010 8:30

hahahaha your mom is hilarious

Brittonica 0

Wednesday 24 March 2010 3:10

OMG this is probably the best one I've read

kekelala3 0

Thursday 1 April 2010 2:49

How is this an FML again?

Miss_gord 0

Tuesday 8 June 2010 8:07

that's halarious

Jojooo_fml 0

Sunday 27 June 2010 9:25

Haha what a boss:D

KiDtastrophy28 0

Thursday 8 July 2010 11:13

either she wus jus jokinq (i hope) or she's a **** (i hope) why wud i hope she's a **** yu ask ? i mean hey as lonq as im qettinq my head im qudd... i think i want my futire job to be a professor (: all my FEMALE students wud ACE that class lol

XxKyttixX 0

Friday 19 November 2010 5:49

Epic Win.

klm0200 0

Friday 25 March 2011 20:55

Who even reads the agreement things anymore?

mjmeyer 0

Tuesday 5 April 2011 4:35

nope. she's right. ur nt

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The Top

Today, my grandpa was wearing flip flops and white socks. He entered my restroom, and the moment he did I remembered there was no toilet paper left. I felt too ashamed to interrupt his dump, so I waited for him to ask for paper; he never did, and came out without socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 528

You deserved it 5 802

Today, I have COVID. My almost ex-wife is taking our kid to Thanksgiving with her family, but asked if he could stay longer with me (while I'm in quarantine), I said OK, no energy to argue, but she pushed and when I said, "If he's negative and has no symptoms it seems unnecessary" she screamed, "I DON'T WANT TO KILL MY PARENTS!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 225

You deserved it 374

The Top

Today, my parents want nothing to do with me because I can’t stop spending money. Buying junk food is the one thing that makes me happy, and I’ve been to countless therapists and tried every medication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 224

You deserved it 607

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend taking pictures of his penis in a condom. When I asked him what the hell he was doing he told me that he was making a stop-motion film called "All Dressed Up with Nowhere to go." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 673

You deserved it 10 120

Today, our stove broke. Now, we have to cook using a toaster oven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 611

You deserved it 79

Today, as part of my grandad's great struggle to return to the 1960's, he tried to refuse a lifesaving blood transfusion until the nurse could confirm the blood hadn't been donated by anyone who was black, brown, chinese or asian, and so on. My dad is black and I'm half black, so I suspect he doesn't like me either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 058

You deserved it 112

Today, as punishment for a prank, my girlfriend has banned all forms of sex, kissing, or touching for the foreseeable future. She’s also started stripping as soon as she gets home and walking around in just her thong, or sometimes even completely naked, just to make my suffering worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 713

You deserved it 2 518

Today, I overheard my husband admitting that he doesn’t wash his hands after having diarrhea. I had no prior knowledge of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 642

You deserved it 101