Intimacy: Today, I jokingly told my mom that I was having sex with my Professor....

By acincollege - 21/02/2009 05:36 - United States

Today, I jokingly told my mom that I was having sex with my Professor. Her response was, "As long as you're getting A's, honey!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 491

You deserved it 53 039

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Same thing different taste

By TomPom - 25/11/2008 06:54 - France

Today, in one of the corridors at university, I was pretending to have passionate sex with one of my lecturers to make my mates laugh. She happened to walk by just at that moment. She reminded me when my next exam is; she will be marking me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 311

You deserved it 37 589

By ToothHurtyAM - 18/10/2018 05:00

Today, the principal of my school asked me if I had practice. Knowing he's gullible, I said yes. I came home to find him and my mom having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 283

You deserved it 880

Zaps you dead

By FirstWeekFail - 04/09/2018 18:30

Today, I was bitching to my mom on the phone about the long, boring paper assignment my Lit professor gave us. Right after saying, "That woman needs to get laid" I heard laughter behind me. I turned around. Hello professor, just on my way to drop the course. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 294

You deserved it 3 224

Keep it down!

By LonelyStudent - 02/09/2019 19:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, while at a grocery store, I told my mom I had some good news. She exclaimed, "You finally got a boyfriend?!" No mom, just an A on my math test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 631

You deserved it 172

By Acu7519 - 16/04/2018 15:00

Today, at my job as a 2nd grade teacher, I was explaining to my students how I'm pregnant and will have to take a break from teaching after I have my baby. One of my students replied with "Ooooooooohhh Ms. Johnson had sex!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 200

You deserved it 851

By lalararara - 04/03/2010 15:48 - United States

Today, I got a 95 on my term project. To congratulate me, my boyfriend said we're having sex tonight. I only get laid if I get good grades. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 001

You deserved it 6 784

Sex work is work

By Anonymous - 15/11/2023 04:00

Today, I was joking to mom that at the rate I’m going I’ll have to start an OnlyFans to afford college next year. She shrugged like it was nothing because apparently prostitution got her through college and bought her her first house before she accidentally got pregnant with me. Um, WHAT? FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 264

By Anonymous - 24/12/2018 12:00

Today, my Mom found out that I've been intimate with one of my best friends in the past. We used protection, it never went anywhere, and we ended it amicably, but she still gave me a huge lecture. Later, she high-fived and congratulated him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 704

You deserved it 502

By Nails - 22/02/2009 03:16 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 126

You deserved it 7 243

Excuses

By sucks - 12/03/2009 17:53 - United States

Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage. Coming from a very Christian family, I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "Is that your excuse for not being able to get laid?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 295 561

You deserved it 54 147

mariasaur 0

Saturday 21 February 2009 14:23

I have a feeling she was responding with a joke.

bumverb 0

Saturday 21 February 2009 13:18

sorry, that's hilarious

Comments

MetalCraze 11

Monday 1 June 2009 20:02

I would die of shame if my daughter said that to me your professor should be fired and you expelled

mba1256 0

Sunday 5 June 2011 15:52

she was joking ... idiot

Tahiri 2

Saturday 20 June 2009 20:50

I signed up today, and I had to read an agreement that said not to say what you did.

genius_man16 0

Friday 26 June 2009 22:27

since the OP has no sense of humor

emmerphone 0

Thursday 9 July 2009 3:18

As yours was a joke, her response most likely was too. >_

dvs01 0

Saturday 29 August 2009 6:19

How exactly did that ruin your life?

glitchead 0

Friday 2 October 2009 6:42

don't worry Tahiri. people rarely follow that rule in this situation because it applies.

BeastieKnights 0

Sunday 18 October 2009 8:59

sex for good grades? not a bad idea. ;) (just kidding)

wild_angel 0

Friday 27 November 2009 11:41

LOL your mom is hilarious!!!

lolluv 0

Thursday 31 December 2009 19:44

not that bad she was just trying to be funny or YDI for telling her that

maddiey2014 0

Wednesday 13 January 2010 0:40

dang mii mom would file a law suit

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The Top

Today, I had a friend over. We found my older brother's camera so decided to look through his photos but then we came across photos of him and his girlfriend having sex. We were laughing up until my friend decided to point out that they were having sex on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 849

You deserved it 7 489

Today, my friend got a text showing his girlfriend cheating on him. Sounds like his FML, but he was at my house. He then worked his way through a bottle of my whisky and went into a drunken rage. He threw my furniture through windows, punched holes in the wall, and smashed stuff until I had to call the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 699

You deserved it 113

The Top

Today, I was getting a pedicure, and they used some sort of scrubby thing that really tickled my feet. When I couldn't take it any more, I accidentally kicked the lady who was doing my nails in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 117

You deserved it 24 471

Today, I found out that I was not adopted and in fact my parents are my biological parents. How did I find out? Over dinner. How long have I been believing I was adopted? 22 years. Why did I start believing I was adopted? My siblings thought it would be a funny joke. My mom played along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 740

You deserved it 3 491

Today, I attended a TEDx conference. The woman sitting next to me spent the whole time picking her nose, playing with the retrieved contents, and sticking her hand down her pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 271

You deserved it 1 498

Today, my sister found out that Justin Bieber got arrested and now she won't stop crying. 5ML

I agree, your life sucks 47 982

You deserved it 5 634

Today, I was at a petting zoo with my boyfriend. A guy that worked there said he'd take a picture of me with a mouse on my head. He reassured me that this mouse was trained. I agreed. Once the mouse got on my head, it peed. Turns out the guy didn't work there after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 737

You deserved it 15 734

Today, my husband and my kids seem to think that all of them sitting in the same room, engrossed in electronic devices, is a valid form of child/parent relationship. Whenever I try to interfere by, for example, suggesting a trip out or a game night, I get glared at like I suggested swimming with piranhas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 084

You deserved it 260