Painful and Health: Today, I learned the hard way not to take off your shirt with... - FML

By monkeycannon7 - 24/04/2012 16:36 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, I learned the hard way not to take off your shirt with a toothpick in your mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 346

You deserved it 29 704

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Historical anecdotes with a light touch to commemorate with a respectful smile. More…

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Same thing different taste

By stupidtoothpick2 - 16/08/2009 05:19 - United States

Today, I spent hours trying to get a piece of food out of my two front teeth. I didn't have anything I could use, until I went out to dinner and got a toothpick. I finally got the food out of teeth. The toothpick broke. Now the tip of the toothpick is stuck in my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 269

You deserved it 8 489

By ow - 17/01/2010 05:25 - United States

Today, I learned that when you put duct tape over your mouth because you are bored, it really hurts taking it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 250

You deserved it 69 789

By Millian2 - 08/04/2012 02:10 - United States - Plymouth

Today, I learned that when you take off your sweatshirt, it can get stuck in your braces. I was in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 027

You deserved it 3 714

First dates

By Tytonic - 20/01/2020 05:00 - United States - Havertown

Today, after my first dinner with my new girlfriend, I was using a toothpick when I fell, stabbing the roof of my mouth. She then laughed at me, as there was so much blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 867

You deserved it 412

Pizza mystery

By Pick out the picks - 24/09/2022 15:30 - United States

Today, I picked out a toothpick from a pizza. This is not the first time I've had to do this. It is also not the first time that I didn't see it until less than a second before I bit down on the piece with the toothpick embedded in it. Looks like there's a toothpick assassin on the loose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 872

You deserved it 128

By The Seamstress - 20/05/2017 11:00 - United States - Irving

Today, while sewing, I learned that I cannot hold pins in my mouth and chew gum at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 028

You deserved it 5 520

Great idea

By dumbbb - 27/12/2011 08:30 - United States

Today, I tried to open the door with my mouth because my hands were full. I chipped a tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 264

You deserved it 46 028

By 530gangsta - 25/04/2017 16:00

Today, while having sex I managed to chip my tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 333

You deserved it 429

By 8sq - 11/06/2011 01:32 - United States

Today, I learned the hard way that yes, a fork can get stuck in your braces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 605

You deserved it 16 358

By ouch - 05/10/2015 19:20 - United States - Stockton

Today, I cracked my tooth. I was so tired I put my pretzel stick in my tea and took a bite out of my spoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 876

You deserved it 3 769

Next

Top comments

Cad6 24

Tuesday 24 April 2012 22:53

Did the toothpick scribe any interesting symbols in your mouth? If you look in the mirror, The following phrase might be written in your blood: YDI.

bwhahaha_fml 10

Tuesday 24 April 2012 22:56

Go take your shirt off with a toothpick in your mouth and find out :)

Comments

Abracadavre_fml 9

Wednesday 25 April 2012 0:20

You were thinking at the time?

OfficeNinja 5

Wednesday 25 April 2012 0:27

Sometimes, life's most obvious things must be learned the hard way.

Trisha_aus 15

Wednesday 25 April 2012 0:39

Contact DOCBASTARD just in his case...

llamafish 25

Wednesday 25 April 2012 4:56

He is a trauma surgeon, after all.

KHunnyBear 2

Wednesday 25 April 2012 1:02

What the hell? Taking off your shirt with a toothpick in your mouth? Are you a redneck or something??

Driveshaft 5

Wednesday 25 April 2012 1:05

Ouch/lol...been there! So my sympathies!

NiveaKK 9

Wednesday 25 April 2012 1:37

Hokey POKEy ;)

bre_the_boss 0

Wednesday 25 April 2012 2:09

Idiot xD I think you should go back to kintergarden where they show kids how to use toothpicks to make pictures, haha. Danger: toothpicks are not stupid-proof.

mixzies 6

Wednesday 25 April 2012 2:19

Llama

llamafish 25

Wednesday 25 April 2012 4:58

You called?

Heinousness 0

Wednesday 25 April 2012 2:40

OP, I just assumed you were a guy. I'm sorry for saying that if your a girl.

random135 0

Wednesday 25 April 2012 4:26

free s h o w.

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The Top

Today my boyfriend of one year dumped me. When I started crying, he said, “Want to know something that will make you hate me so you won’t be so sad?” and then told me he’s been cheating on me with multiple women, the entire time we’ve been dating. He thought that would comfort me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 605

You deserved it 207

Today, my grandmother has been complaining that I spend too much on food, so I started cooking food from scratch. I happily showed her my recipe book and encouraged her to try a few. She then mocked me for wasting time by not buying frozen food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 869

You deserved it 3 514

The Top

Today, I was introduced to my future stepmother, but it turns out that I already know her. Not only are we the same age and went to the same high school, when we were in the same math class together the teacher would often confuse our names because "we could pass as twins". FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 857

You deserved it 3 338

Today, after a tremendously hot night with a guy I met the night before, I ask him his phone number. To which he replied: "What for?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 742

You deserved it 10 848

Today, I decided to be responsible and call a cab to take my drunk ass home from the bar. As I climbed into the cab, I was quickly pulled back out and had the shit beaten out of me by a group of drunk guys who thought they needed the ride more. The police soon arrived and arrested us all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 746

You deserved it 2 815

Today, I confessed to my boyfriend that I was in love with his best friend. He confessed that he was too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 284

You deserved it 24 145

Today, I got home and realized that I didn't have my keys and my mum had said she wasn't going to be home till the next morning. After a long wait I decided I'd have to break a window to get in. Almost immediately after closing the door I watched as my mum pulled up in the driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 912

You deserved it 7 379

Today, I emptied the morning coffee grounds from the coffee maker so I could set it up for tomorrow morning. When I threw out the filter, something in the grounds caught my eye. It was a dead spider. It had brewed with my coffee that morning. I also happen to be severely arachnophobic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 167