Intimacy: Today, I locked myself in the bathroom and started spanking the...

By Anonymous - 06/05/2011 18:09 - Saudi Arabia

Today, I locked myself in the bathroom and started spanking the ferret. I started to get really into it when my dad started pounding on the door and yelled, "Son, that's great staying power, but can you finish up already?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 695

You deserved it 52 123

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By mikey51 - 10/03/2012 01:56 - Australia

Today, I was taking a dump, when my dad shouted for me to go wash the dishes. Fed up with his constant shit, I told him to bite me. He took this as an invitation to wedge the bathroom door shut for nearly two hours, despite all my pleas and apologies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 633

You deserved it 41 590

A Caturday surprise

By fucking cat - 02/03/2024 08:00 - United States

Today, I shut the door to the bedroom so my wife and I could have a serious talk. Unfortunately, the cat stuck his paw under the door and started flailing around, causing me to bust up laughing at a bad moment. My wife was furious, threw a water bottle at me, and locked me out overnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 230

By obtuse_ballsack - 04/06/2012 20:37 - Croatia - Zagreb

Today, I desperately needed to pee, but my mom was in the bathroom taking a shower, so I waited patiently until she finished. Just as I was about to go in, my half-naked dad rushed ahead, said "Going somewhere, son?" and shut the door on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 717

You deserved it 2 759

By unknown - 13/12/2011 02:04 - United States

Today, my dad walked in on me using the bathroom. After rushing out, he yelled at me through the door for not locking it. He made up the "no locking the doors inside the house" rule. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 380

You deserved it 3 129

By Anonymous - 22/07/2017 05:29 - United States - Irving

Today, my dad unlocked the bathroom door and barged in without warning only to catch me, with no clothes on, masturbating. He said, "sorry" but stayed for another 20 seconds to look for his shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 178

You deserved it 1 278

Fight ****

By Anonymous - 11/07/2022 10:00

Today, I heard my step-dad hitting my mom, and her begging him to stop, so I grabbed my cricket bat, ran in, and almost brained him. Luckily I stopped in time, because they were both naked having sex. Apparently my mom likes extreme spanking. Eww. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 521

You deserved it 300

By wowdadreally - 23/12/2014 20:46 - United States - College Station

Today, while shopping with my father, I had to use the restroom. As soon as I opened the door to the men's room, my father yelled that it was the ladies' room. I then turned around and went through the other door, where I ended up getting bitch-slapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 715

You deserved it 6 477

By jack s.b. - 14/11/2013 22:15 - United States - Austin

Today, my dad walked in on me jacking off. He swore and told me to lock my door next time. Later on I heard him snickering and telling my mom that I "jack off real weird." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 064

You deserved it 16 430

By fuckbucket14 - 14/04/2012 22:56 - Egypt - Hurghada

Today, I got into an argument with my dad in his hotel room. I lost my temper and stormed out onto the balcony for some fresh air, at which point he decided to lock the door behind me, trapping me there for half an hour while he watched TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 939

You deserved it 12 134

By Cynical - 30/03/2009 03:49 - United States

Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 210

You deserved it 37 102

mozeltov 7

Saturday 7 May 2011 1:03

why were you beating your pet ferret?

CitrusGirl 0

Saturday 7 May 2011 1:43

42- That comment was made so much better by the cat in your picture.

Comments

henrygondorff 2

Saturday 7 May 2011 2:40

aiding and abetting a known felon

djmk671 5

Saturday 7 May 2011 2:40

When it said "spanking the ferret" I thought you meant you literally spanking your pet ferret. Then I knew... "MASTURBATING" O_o

Not_so_innocent1 5

Saturday 7 May 2011 2:41

Spanking the ferret? Who the f*ck says that? I thought you were beating your pet! Not cool dude, not cool.

SenorAmore 1

Saturday 7 May 2011 2:42

Win!

lolol_BKYCHO 3

Saturday 7 May 2011 2:46

Don't cry so loudly next time.

agressivedildo 11

Saturday 7 May 2011 2:50

You shouldn't spank ferrets. You'll go blind.

softball1432 0

Saturday 7 May 2011 3:07

it took me forever to get what "spanking the ferret" mesnt

lainzilla 14

Saturday 7 May 2011 3:11

That euphemism is ridiculous.

OhSoBueno 0

Saturday 7 May 2011 3:13

fap fap

thepicoeater 1

Saturday 7 May 2011 3:19

lol I thought he literally meant he was spanking a ferret

Keywords

Poopoo peepee Embarrassing Love Miscellaneous Romantic Christmas Break-ups Annoying Money Gross Ironic Argument Awkward Friends Cute Haircut Lonely Holidays Relatable Capitalism Work Bosses Cars You're fired Covid Health Cheating Jealousy Parenting Kids

The Top

Today, my college class has a strict rule that ANY absence, even if it's because you're sick and have a doctor's note, will drop your grade a letter grade. I have a chronic illness. Today is the second time in the first two weeks that I've had to show up to class with a bucket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 568

You deserved it 205

Today, I noticed one of my toenails was getting super long, so I cut it. In doing so, I accidentally ripped it off and it started bleeding. As I went to get something to stop it from bleeding, I got a huge splinter in my little toe, causing a painful infection. I think I should just go back to bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 325

You deserved it 170

The Top

Today, I was taking a bubble bath, and had my iPod touch on the side of my bathtub so I could listen to my music. My dog walked up to the side of the tub, looked me in the eye, and nudged my iPod into the water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 001

You deserved it 55 688

Today, I was counselling a soon-to-be teen mom. She has a younger step-brother, and when I asked her how she handled him when he cries, she said, "Oh, that's when you cover their face until they stop!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 221

You deserved it 2 596

Today, according to daycare, my son is behind in his potty training curriculum because we are not "celebrating his natural bodily functions" enough. He turned 2 a week ago, and he peed on our bed last night because we're trying to meet this demand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 509

You deserved it 3 008

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She gave me back the brand new box of 12 condoms that I had bought and left at her house. There were 8 left and I wasn't the one who opened them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98 005

You deserved it 6 602

Today, my mom tried to convince my dad that I was a lesbian. Why? Because she was bored. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 684

You deserved it 3 886

Today, my apartment was broken into. The thief stole my TV, $350, and my Christmas tree. There is still a trail of broken ornaments from my living room to the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 883

You deserved it 2 392

Same thing different taste

A Caturday surprise

Fight ****

Top comments

Comments