Kids: Today, I locked myself out and had to enter my house via the...

By emergencyroom - 15/03/2014 12:21 - United States - Parkton

Today, I locked myself out and had to enter my house via the back door. Thinking I was an intruder, my 7-year-old daughter slammed a metal rake into the back of my head. Nice to know she can take care of herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 467

You deserved it 9 394

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Same thing different taste

Confused

By ohhhemmgee - 06/09/2012 06:39 - United States - Reno

Today, I locked myself out of the house I was house-sitting. An hour later, and my fifth attempt at climbing the fence, I figured I'd try the door one more time. Turns out I was turning the handle the wrong way and the door wasn't locked in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 763

You deserved it 29 426

I don't know my strength

By Anonymous - 09/01/2022 06:01 - Australia - Perth

Today, I gave the back door a slight nudge to make sure it was latched shut. Of course, it flew wide open, causing me to smash my face into the doorframe, fall out onto the back porch writhing in pain, and have blood pissing out of my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 308

Stuck

By Anonymous - 10/12/2009 11:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I found myself locked out of my house. I had to squeeze myself through a tiny window around the back. While hanging upside down, my hood fell over my head. My dog ran through to investigate the noise and ravaged me thinking I was a burglar. I then fell and broke my wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 352

You deserved it 5 251

By TheComputerGuy96 - 22/05/2010 07:56 - Italy

Today, I was locked out of my house. After hours of trying to break the door, I found out I accidentally left a window open. The door, however, still needs to be replaced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 615

You deserved it 32 610

Let 'em in

By knoppad - 13/06/2009 19:46 - United States

Today, I was in my backyard. When I wanted to come back in the house, I tried to open the sliding door. I knew that my brother locked me out so I banged on the door very hard, causing the glass to break. It turns out that the door wasn't locked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 848

You deserved it 51 115

Call the Midwife-slash-Locksmith

By mama bear - 16/10/2019 18:00

Today, my one-year-old son locked me out of the house. I had no spare key and both him and my 4-month-old decided that was the perfect time to scream bloody murder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 458

You deserved it 339

By Anonymous - 14/05/2013 17:03 - United States - Norman

Today, my doorknob broke. While trying to impress my dad and show that I can fix things for girls, I somehow managed to lock myself in my room, with the doorknob on the other side of the door. When my dad finally heard my screams, he let me out. He had to take the whole door off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 187

You deserved it 20 275

Stuck

By Chub - 27/10/2009 04:45 - United States

Today, the door to my daughter's room became jammed and wouldn't open while she was in the room. Being resourceful, I grabbed my ladder and climbed up to her window, only to end up stuck in her window. I'm not sure what was worse, getting stuck, or being laughed at by my neighbors for a while. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 175

You deserved it 8 684

By ScaredDad - 02/05/2019 12:00

Today, I needed to grab something from the garage. As soon as the door closed, I heard a little click sound. My one-year-old seems to have figured out the door lock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 862

You deserved it 255

This is terrible!

By Baddad - 24/11/2019 20:00

Today, as I stepped out the door and heard it lock behind me, I realized I had forgotten both my keys and my baby inside. There's no other way in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 031

You deserved it 1 117

tpm45 25

Saturday 15 March 2014 15:55

Hey, at least she'd have been safe if it was an intruder.

ksktwin84 14

Saturday 15 March 2014 15:55

She had a metal rake inside?

Comments

lolalove24_fml 14

Sunday 5 April 2015 12:59

well done op for raising a child who can take care of herself hope your ok

kawaii666 19

Sunday 3 May 2015 7:20

Good thing it wasn't a knife. :)

Red_Curls1995 28

Tuesday 29 September 2015 23:16

Whoa she's brave! Even now at my age I would hide, good to know she can defend herself

gizmodorner 15

Monday 9 November 2015 15:04

smart girl!

shotgun_girl 17

Monday 4 April 2016 14:43

The best FMLs ever never have illustrations

unluckyuser21 3

Thursday 21 April 2016 20:39

Practice makes perfect

Tyrax 16

Tuesday 30 August 2016 22:35

Ow, but your daughter is a badass.

Keywords

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You’re probably wondering what this website is all about. Well, it’s basically a bunch of people who had enough humor to tell you all about their shitty lives, and what it was that made their day suck a big fat one. Some are sad in funny way, som...

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Today, my mom has officially lost 100 pounds due to a lap-band surgery. After sharing her excitement, she also shared her troubles. She said, "Everything hangs now, even my cooter. Can they fix that?" Thank you for the mental image, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 540

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Today, I watched the new Fallout series, which was pretty good… except for the fact that Ella Purnell looks a lot like my ex. Now it’s 6 a.m., hours before I have to wake up, and I can't keep myself from crying. I broke up with this girl for a number of reasons which seem somewhat valid now, but I regret it. FML

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You deserved it 313

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You deserved it 4 456

Today, my daughter said "I love you mom", to me for the first time I can remember. She is 16 years old. She said it because I bought her first thong. FML

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You deserved it 12 777

Today, I was talking to a guy I liked. He was dumped so he was ranting about how there's no good girls left. I mustered up some courage and told him I was a good girl and that I would treat him right, at which point he pretended to have an emergency phone call and abruptly left. He talked to his lock screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 598

You deserved it 250

Today, I found out my boyfriend of almost two years had kept nude photos and videos of his ex, whom he couldn’t seem to let go of from the start. We’re locked into a pricy apartment lease together, and I don’t have anywhere I can go. Thanks babe, love you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 910

You deserved it 297

Today, I was expecting a package from Amazon, so when the doorbell rang I rushed out in my pajamas. It wasn't the delivery guy. It was my ex and her new boyfriend, here to drop off some of my old stuff. I'd answered the door wearing an anime onesie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 196

You deserved it 505

Same thing different taste

Confused

I don't know my strength

Stuck

Let 'em in

Call the Midwife-slash-Locksmith

Stuck

This is terrible!

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