Health: Today, I'm recovering from colon surgery. They gave me codeine...

By screaming monkey - 04/04/2012 10:13 - United Kingdom - Whitton

Today, I'm recovering from colon surgery. They gave me codeine as pain relief, which has made me constipated. I'm currently sat on the toilet, trying to push out what feels like a small child wrapped in barbed wire out without busting my stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 302

You deserved it 2 119

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Bunged up

By Anonymous - 17/03/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, the medication I’ve been taking has caused me to become constipated for so long I'm now unable to go, because all my poop is a solid mass in my bowels no stool softener can touch. So a surgeon is either going up my ass with a hose and a spoon, or cutting open my stomach to remove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 555

You deserved it 88

Help!

By 2for1 - 28/03/2019 00:00 - Norway - Sandefjord

Today, after being constipated for four days post-surgery, I have gotten diarrhea. It doesn't actually help getting the hard plug out, but it has found slow passages around it, so I’m still left to my own devices. This is not the kind of gold I’d like to be digging for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 778

You deserved it 164

Double down

By coyote - 02/09/2010 07:25 - Japan

Today, I'm recovering from abdominal surgery. In addition to pain, I'm having trouble peeing and haven't pooped since Sunday, so my surgeon prescribed a laxative. Turns out I'm allergic to it. Now I'm covered in hives, even in my ears, incisions, and lady parts. I also still haven't pooped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 042

You deserved it 2 808

Ouch or ouch?

By chronic - 12/03/2017 02:00

Today, I'm on opioids due to severe pelvic pain. Taking them makes me constipated and increases my pain, which leads to taking more painkillers. I can choose to be in agony and the possibility of pooping, or be in slightly less pain and completely bunged up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 946

You deserved it 485

By Anonymous - 11/09/2016 05:52 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my colon got perforated during a routine colonoscopy. Apparently, it's a rare complication and I have no legal recourse. So now I'll need to use a colostomy bag for the next 6 months until I can get surgery to fix their mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 229

You deserved it 1 087

By Anonymous - 08/12/2010 02:38 - United States

Today, I was extremely constipated. This is a side effect of the medication I take to alleviate my stomach condition. Due to this same condition I can't eat much roughage. We have no laxatives or stool softeners, and I have been shitting bricks for three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 583

You deserved it 3 518

By fulloshit - 28/11/2010 02:17 - United States

Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 071

You deserved it 4 597

Hot lava

By bubba7901 - 19/03/2021 10:59

Today, I stopped taking prescription narcotics for pain, which make you constipated. I also enjoyed a few beers. Because of this collaboration, I had a very painful first turd followed by a flow of burning liquid. I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 842

You deserved it 331

By Terri-Lynn - 30/05/2012 20:25 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I figured out why my doctor repeatedly warned me to keep regular bowel movements while I recover from childbirth. I now have an anal fissure. It's like giving birth all over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 777

You deserved it 4 423

States of matter

By Nirah - 26/07/2019 21:00 - Canada - Parksville

Today, I'm a week into a prescription of extremely constipating antibiotics. I also just caught the stomach bug going around at work that causes aggressive diarrhea. The two combined mean I have a constant, slow-moving stream of thick, foul-smelling sludge coming out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 050

You deserved it 167

WCARlover 34

Wednesday 4 April 2012 16:04

+1 for describing it as "small child wrapped in barbed wire". I think that really adds to the imagery

kiran_fml 5

Wednesday 4 April 2012 15:59

Maybe you should ask for an alternate medicine if they offer it.

Comments

LlamaAlana 6

Saturday 7 April 2012 21:20

A teaspoon of epson salt in water makes your shit liquid, much easier to push out.

zebu344 6

Saturday 7 April 2012 21:27

ok so the doctor should have given u a script for docusate sodium or calcium and some senokot to counteract the constipation side effects of the codeine. u can get these OTC. eat more fibre rich foods and increase your water intake to 8-10glasses/day.

taylor317 7

Sunday 8 April 2012 8:49

Aww, sorry. That sucks, good luck.

sabrinamarie3 15

Monday 16 April 2012 10:48

Oh my! :( I'm sorry to hear that

waterboy14 7

Monday 30 April 2012 12:51

Sitting on the Toilet....Sitting on the Toilet....Sitting on the Toilet

madeenv 0

Friday 31 August 2012 7:13

late suggestion ur dr should have prescribed stool softer along with the codeine it's well known amongst doctors if i were u i would go back and smack him.

lolen2910 3

Sunday 30 September 2012 5:41

me too... :(

Darkwish3 6

Thursday 6 February 2014 1:21

try warmed up prune juice

sleepyglowstar 32

Wednesday 28 May 2014 0:00

I feel your pain, not on the constipation part, just the bit where you don't wanna bust stitches.

yupitsbethxo 12

Saturday 28 February 2015 15:37

I know it's a little late, but ask your doctor to write a prescription for a stool softener. I'm surprised they didn't because it's a standard protocol for codeine and opioids!