Love: Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend... - FML

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By b.fritz - 24/09/2016 10:02 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 776

You deserved it 1 186

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 04/08/2019 06:00

Today, I had to take my husband to the hospital because he thought it would be funny to Superglue googly eyes to his dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 076

You deserved it 308

Poor little guy

By anonymous - 16/09/2022 02:30 - United States - Maryville

Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 356

You deserved it 139

Half man, half armchair

By Anonymous - 23/06/2023 15:00

Today, one of my kids thought it would be funny to superglue me to my armchair while I was asleep, except they’re idiots who used way too much. I am now fused to the cushions and had to call an ambulance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 151

By inpain - 20/11/2009 15:51 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 295

You deserved it 40 643

Just you wait!

By Anonymous - 07/08/2022 00:00

Today, after surgery on my penis, I’m on drugs to prevent erections. My girlfriend now thinks it’s hilarious to walk around naked, bend over in front of me, and do other sexy stuff, because she knows I can’t do anything to her and it’s killing me. In three weeks, her ass is mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 133

You deserved it 246

By xXx - 16/10/2009 08:20 - United States

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a funny prank to put duct tape on my eyes while I was sleeping so that when I woke up, I would be blind. I have no more eyelashes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 376

You deserved it 3 061

By Anonymous - 04/03/2010 00:36 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be amusing to sneak into my room and jump me in my bed. Too bad that when she jumped, one of her knees landed on my crotch. I haven't been able to walk properly since this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 693

You deserved it 3 102

Skittish

By bronzemedal97 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was leaning under a counter to get my girlfriend her favorite snack food out of a low cabinet when she decided it would be funny to poke me while I was in an awkward position. I jerked up, rammed my head on the bottom of the counter, and ended up at the ER with staples in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 081

You deserved it 3 316

By gabbykinz13 - 08/03/2012 21:48 - United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend when she'll be having her period, since she was acting pretty bitchy the last time around. She duct taped my leg hair and ripped it off while I was napping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 051

You deserved it 57 228

Slasher

By Anonymous - 01/02/2010 05:00 - United States

Today, I sliced my finger open because my roommate's girlfriend put a broken ceramic plate in the recycling. I was putting some paper in the bin and all of a sudden, an inch and a half of my flesh is naked to the world. I don't have medical insurance, so I fixed it with Superglue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 738

You deserved it 9 392

Next

Top comments

daniel271 13

Sunday 25 September 2016 12:34

Break up with her that's not funny and harmful

Sandsh8rk 36

Sunday 25 September 2016 12:39

That's a real dick move on her behalf.

Comments

snickerpuss 9

Tuesday 27 September 2016 1:38

Sooo looks like I'm the only one who actually laughed at this FML. I think she wanted to prank you, but didn't realise she was sending you to the hospital, she probably felt very bad. Hope you're ok now though, OP.

hi1234567891234 15

Tuesday 27 September 2016 4:48

*ex-girlfriend

bickdig69 8

Tuesday 27 September 2016 12:30

If this ever happened to you guys would you want them to cut your thigh or just rip that shit of

ericanicole1 12

Tuesday 27 September 2016 20:13

It's all good just super glue her labia and her ass and her toes since she thinks that's 'funny'

Wildhippo 4

Tuesday 27 September 2016 20:13

Stupid she is. How it will pain in case you get hard.

Luzeamus_fml 7

Wednesday 28 September 2016 6:44

You need some dissolvent. And a new girlfriend. Definitely a new girlfriend.

dlToTlb 10

Wednesday 28 September 2016 8:46

That's **** up... sew her ******* pussy tie and see how she like it

storethis 17

Wednesday 28 September 2016 15:29

Super glue her pussy together

beef_weezle 13

Wednesday 28 September 2016 18:32

Glue her **** shut. See how funny she thinks it is

WillMM76 12

Thursday 29 September 2016 6:18

If you're still with her, you're a stupid butthole.

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The Top

Today, I was mopping the floor at the hotel I work at. Before I could react, a gentleman stormed through the corridor and slipped and fell on the still wet floor. He complained to the owner, who bitched me out just to satisfy the guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 997

You deserved it 4 002

Today, my son is going through a rebellious phase. He's taken to wearing leather and chains, listening to death metal music all day in his room alone, and screaming at me in public places. He was fired from his part-time job for swearing at customers. My son is 29 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 217

You deserved it 13 921

The Top

Today, I was starving and ordered pizza. They said it would take 30 minutes. When it arrived an hour later, I was so hangry, I didn’t even wait for the delivery guy to leave. I grabbed the pizza box, ripped it open, and immediately dropped it face-down onto the ground. I ended up eating a slice of cold, dirt-covered pizza like a sad, defeated animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 675

Today, my boss was telling everyone that he knew a guy who went to a college at which multiple people were shot and killed recently. Being extremely socially awkward and uncomfortable, I blurted, "That's awesome." Now everyone in the office is terrified of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 683

You deserved it 25 220

Today, I was peppered with questions about my swollen eye and if I'd gotten into a fight. I couldn't bring myself to admit that I'd been brutally beaten into submission by a doorknob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 293

You deserved it 3 918

Today, I was docked and fined in my dorm building because of multiple noise complaints. What was I doing that was so noisy? I slipped in the shower and banged my head against the floor. Then when I reached for the towel rack to pull myself up, it broke and I slammed my wrist onto the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 154

You deserved it 2 767

Today, I told a story about a new mother naming her daughter after the first thing she saw moments after she was born. The group admins accused me of lying, with absolutely zero proof, and deleted the post. The story is 100% true. My mother and I witnessed it with our own two eyes and ears. Fuck these people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 654

You deserved it 212

Today, while driving and singing, I noticed a large fly inside my car. I stopped singing so it wouldn't fly into my mouth. That didn't stop it from flying up my nose, causing me to swerve and drive into a ditch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 264

You deserved it 4 713