Love: Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend... - FML

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By b.fritz - 24/09/2016 10:02 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 776

You deserved it 1 186

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 04/08/2019 06:00

Today, I had to take my husband to the hospital because he thought it would be funny to Superglue googly eyes to his dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 076

You deserved it 308

Poor little guy

By anonymous - 16/09/2022 02:30 - United States - Maryville

Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 356

You deserved it 139

Half man, half armchair

By Anonymous - 23/06/2023 15:00

Today, one of my kids thought it would be funny to superglue me to my armchair while I was asleep, except they’re idiots who used way too much. I am now fused to the cushions and had to call an ambulance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 151

By inpain - 20/11/2009 15:51 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 295

You deserved it 40 643

Just you wait!

By Anonymous - 07/08/2022 00:00

Today, after surgery on my penis, I’m on drugs to prevent erections. My girlfriend now thinks it’s hilarious to walk around naked, bend over in front of me, and do other sexy stuff, because she knows I can’t do anything to her and it’s killing me. In three weeks, her ass is mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 133

You deserved it 246

By xXx - 16/10/2009 08:20 - United States

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a funny prank to put duct tape on my eyes while I was sleeping so that when I woke up, I would be blind. I have no more eyelashes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 376

You deserved it 3 061

By Anonymous - 04/03/2010 00:36 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be amusing to sneak into my room and jump me in my bed. Too bad that when she jumped, one of her knees landed on my crotch. I haven't been able to walk properly since this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 693

You deserved it 3 102

Skittish

By bronzemedal97 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was leaning under a counter to get my girlfriend her favorite snack food out of a low cabinet when she decided it would be funny to poke me while I was in an awkward position. I jerked up, rammed my head on the bottom of the counter, and ended up at the ER with staples in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 081

You deserved it 3 316

By gabbykinz13 - 08/03/2012 21:48 - United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend when she'll be having her period, since she was acting pretty bitchy the last time around. She duct taped my leg hair and ripped it off while I was napping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 049

You deserved it 57 228

Slasher

By Anonymous - 01/02/2010 05:00 - United States

Today, I sliced my finger open because my roommate's girlfriend put a broken ceramic plate in the recycling. I was putting some paper in the bin and all of a sudden, an inch and a half of my flesh is naked to the world. I don't have medical insurance, so I fixed it with Superglue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 738

You deserved it 9 392

Next

Top comments

daniel271 13

Sunday 25 September 2016 12:34

Break up with her that's not funny and harmful

Sandsh8rk 36

Sunday 25 September 2016 12:39

That's a real dick move on her behalf.

Comments

Kalilahshmeow 8

Sunday 25 September 2016 19:02

Run away from her.?you know if you had glues her Labia there would be many cops and court dates and jail time. That is horrible and sadistic.

great_nate 26

Sunday 25 September 2016 19:44

Shouldn't that be "ex-girlfriend"?

iwillcallpolice 2

Sunday 25 September 2016 20:26

That's what happens when you keep having your dick out for Harambe.

Dean__Winchester 16

Sunday 25 September 2016 20:57

That's not cool. Would she like it if someone super glued her "lips" shut? Or find it funny? Like I can appreciate a good prank, but that? The only one laughing is her

ThrottleJockey 35

Sunday 25 September 2016 21:25

Jim, is that you?

grya 10

Sunday 25 September 2016 21:39

I I think it would be funny to sue her...

readingrachel 9

Sunday 25 September 2016 21:54

Tbh that made me laugh

CRC_101 31

Sunday 25 September 2016 23:26

I concur - I'm normally pretty tolerant about errors in a relationship, but you need to break up with her. Someone who does this - super glue, of all things - is on such a seriously low level of stupidity or insanity that it's a terrible idea to stay with them. That super glue shouldn't be put on a penis isn't rocket science, and neither is ending your relationship. ...And while you're unconscious, to top it off. That's asking for serious trouble.

sugoine 12

Monday 26 September 2016 0:29

Sue her for the mental trauma and have her pay the medical bills

anaheimangels40 11

Monday 26 September 2016 1:47

Use superglue or a strong epoxy and glue her pussy closed!

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You deserved it 3 642

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The Top

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You deserved it 1 932

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I agree, your life sucks 6 810

You deserved it 258

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I agree, your life sucks 654

You deserved it 68

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I agree, your life sucks 28 092

You deserved it 3 280

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I agree, your life sucks 20 834

You deserved it 54 348

Today, the guy I like happened to be munching on biscuits while he was talking to me. The biscuit crumbs were literally falling out of his mouth like a waterfall as he was speaking and munching. The crumbs were landing in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 569

You deserved it 281