By aherdofpigs - 02/09/2013 19:22 - United States

Today, I'm trapped in my apartment. My new cat won't let me leave. Every time I try, he blocks the door, hisses and tries to savage me. I'm my own cat's bitch. FML
I agree, your life sucks 50 086
You deserved it 21 075

Same thing different taste

Comments

If you submit to being a cat's bitch, then YDI. Take charge, you pussy.

Here's what you do, OP. Cats need time to adjust to new homes. If your kitty has access to your whole apartment/house early on, that's too much. Choose a quiet room for your kitty and set up a bed in a closet or other enclosed space there. Put the litter box and food in there as well, and make that your kitty's "home," also known as a "sanctuary room." The key is that kitty has a place to hide where s/he doesn't need to directly face anyone or feel threatened. This gives kitty time to smell the different smells and hear the different sounds more slowly. You should visit your kitty every day. Wait for kitty to approach you, rather than approaching yourself. Bring treats and new toys to make your visits positive. If kitty still seems stressed, you should check out a plug-in diffuser called "Feliway." When you plug it in, it produces a scent that signals safety to a cat. It's the same as the scent from the glands on their face that they use to mark their territory as safe. (When you see a cat rubbing his or her face on something, that's what's happening.) My current rescue kitty started out aggressive as well, and we get along quite well now. You can do it! When your kitty shows interest in the door of the sanctuary room and has reduced aggression, you can slowly expand access to other rooms--but always maintain access to the sanctuary! A lot of kitties get aggressive when they are over-stimulated. I've worked in rescue, in shelters and in vet clinics. Stressed kitties can be calmed. :)

This cat is obviously possessed by a demon. Climb out your window and down the fire escape then drive to your nearest church. Get the highest level priest you can find to bless some water for you thus making it holy. Place the now holy water into a spray bottle or squirt gun. Go back home and go through the front door to force the demon to show itself to you. Proceed to spray the holy water on the cat. Aim for the ears and head. Note: If holy water is unobtainable, municipal tap water may be substituted to get the same effect.

As much as I love cats, if it's like that, kick the **** out of it, put it in its place...

Poor kitty. His last owner probably left him and never came back. Did you adopt him? I'm sorry. Try cuddling and talking to him.

MrMillz 6

the only excuse for this is if your "cat" is a tiger

Otaku31 19

I had a dog that used to do that. I started carrying a squirt gun around. It worked :/