Miscellaneous: Today, I overheard my husband telling his friend that he wished...

By Anonymous - 21/08/2015 19:02 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I overheard my husband telling his friend that he wished a zombie apocalypse would happen in real life, so he could take me out back and shoot me without having to worry about going to prison. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 566

You deserved it 2 629

The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 04/02/2010 08:29 - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he'd kill me before I got infected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 792

You deserved it 7 817

Good to know

By DeadScared - 19/09/2011 00:23 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend kindly informed me that if I ever got bitten during a zombie apocalypse, he'd love me enough to beat me to death with a tire iron. He said this because he's been having vivid dreams about it happening. I honestly don't know whether he's joking or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 016

You deserved it 3 567

Cocobananas

By why... - 05/06/2012 17:21 - United States - East Orange

Today, my husband went nuts. He's quit his job and set out building an amateur bomb shelter in our backyard. According to him, there's "substantial evidence" that cannibalism is on the rise across the country, and that "it's gonna be like Resident Evil out there, babe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 041

You deserved it 3 541

By zombieguyswife - 28/06/2012 23:44 - United States - Branson

Today, I found out that the only way I can convince my husband to start working out is by convincing him that we are training for when the "zombie outbreak" happens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 085

You deserved it 3 983

By Anonymous - 24/08/2012 21:10 - United Kingdom - Walsall

Today, a baseball bat fell on my head while my boyfriend and I were cuddling. The same baseball bat that he keeps next to the bed, because he genuinely fears a zombie outbreak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 229

You deserved it 3 875

By gibbette - 28/04/2013 17:32 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his buddies that the main reason he got into video game modding was so he could put a virtual version of me in his games and "shoot the fuck out of that bitch". FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 588

You deserved it 7 316

Priorities

By Anonymous - 14/08/2020 05:02

Today, my fiancé and I finally had the house to ourselves for the night for the first time in MONTHS, and we don't know when we will get a chance like this again. So, he texts his buddy to play zombies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 503

You deserved it 255

By purged - 08/06/2013 23:43 - United States - Mechanicsville

Today, my boyfriend and I watched the new movie "The Purge." After the movie, I jokingly asked him that if the U.S. had such a purge in real life, would he participate, and who would he kill first. Without missing a beat, he said, "you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 068

You deserved it 8 647

By katybaby - 09/12/2010 17:15 - United States

Today, my husband ran at me, groaning like a zombie. I was so startled that I screamed, punched him, and started sobbing. Now he won't talk to me because this is 'the first step on the road of domestic violence'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 364

You deserved it 11 706

By Anonymous - 10/03/2012 02:05 - United States

Today, my husband sat me down on the couch so he could share some "awesome" news with me. He excitedly declared that he and his idiot drinking buddies are planning on running a real-life Fight Club out of our basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 934

You deserved it 3 248

abattior 18

Saturday 22 August 2015 8:23

Does that mean the only thing stopping him from killing you is law? i really think you should divorce his ass!

pixigem 15

Saturday 22 August 2015 8:26

If you have a husband that thinks so negatively of you, you guys should talk. It won't get better by ignoring it, be honest and open about your feelings, don't lie it'll only get worse!

Comments

christopherwilli 14

Saturday 22 August 2015 17:38

I really hope there was more to then conversation that you were missing

TWISTED_RUFFMAN 14

Saturday 22 August 2015 17:46

RUN FOR THE HILLS -IRON MAIDEN

Dick_diamond 22

Saturday 22 August 2015 17:50

Every married man has had this thought at some time or other. Doesn't mean they'd actually act on it..

vikky538 28

Saturday 22 August 2015 17:51

What happened after that?

zmanryan2015 7

Saturday 22 August 2015 17:53

Tell your husband I can make your death look like an accident for 10k just look me up on crigslist in the mechanic

wassup388 25

Saturday 22 August 2015 17:57

This is why we have a little thing called divorce

Manic1 13

Saturday 22 August 2015 18:00

Tell him if he wants you out of his life then you will be more than happy to divorce his ass. If that was his attempt at a joke it isn't funny.

hiheyitschloe 13

Saturday 22 August 2015 18:57

um... I think that's a sign that you need to get a divorce.

smarti1809 12

Saturday 22 August 2015 19:03

girl, you better run for he try to do it for real

Bulldog99 7

Saturday 22 August 2015 19:44

Literally just him joking with his friends about "wife problems" every man does it. The people saying "divorce his ass" prob don't know the whole story and should keep their mouth shut.

TallMist 32

Saturday 22 August 2015 20:48

IDC if it's a joke or not. If my spouse was to say they'd kill me if the law would allow it, I'm getting the Hell away from their ass. If he's not joking, he's a very dangerous and likely psycho. If he is joking, it's a sick joke.