Animals: Today, I passed out in my kitchen and was woken up by my dog....

By mayhemily - 21/09/2015 16:22 - Canada - Aurora

Today, I passed out in my kitchen and was woken up by my dog. Not because she was worried about me, but because my body was blocking her food dish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 484

You deserved it 2 977

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 20/12/2012 19:50 - Spain - Santa Cruz De Tenerife

Today, I was woken up by my dog scratching at my door. After a while of this, I finally got up to let her in. When I opened the door, she looked at me, threw up, and scurried away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 996

You deserved it 9 670

By Anonymous - 20/03/2012 11:57 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, instead of waking up to soft sunlight creeping in the window or the gentle trill of birds, I was awakened by the sound of my dog vomiting all over my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 619

You deserved it 2 847

By WhyMe - 27/11/2018 17:30

Today, I woke up approximately half a nanosecond after my dog involuntarily vomited in bed. On my face. I opened my mouth because it literally filled my nose. I swallowed out of reflex before I was fully awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 481

You deserved it 314

Recipe for disaster

By ApparentlyATerribleDaughter - 12/08/2018 15:00

Today, while I took my dog out, my mother began to cook, took a Xanax, locked the doors, and passed out. When I managed to get in, I called the paramedics because she was in the smoke for at least an hour. When she became conscious, she blamed me for everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 399

You deserved it 209

By margretlle - 26/04/2009 04:07 - United States

Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 744

You deserved it 8 415

By Anonymous - 27/08/2014 23:04 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 581

You deserved it 7 518

Kamikaze

By Hot Dog - 29/12/2022 09:00

Today, my dog was cold, so she kept sitting around the oven. When I opened it to put my pizza in, she hopped into it. The massive yelp of pain as she did so is going to haunt my dreams… and my financial stability. Even the vet has no idea how she's still alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 520

You deserved it 237

Splat!

By Anonymous - 11/05/2020 14:00

Today, I have a case of diarrhea. How did I find out? I got startled by my dog jumping up to greet me, and I shat all over the kitchen floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 554

You deserved it 215

By Anonymous - 23/04/2011 05:11 - United States

Today, my dog disappeared for an hour. After I'd called her name repeatedly, she crawled out from under my bed, threw up on my feet, and then happily walked out the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 102

You deserved it 4 176

Top of the mornin' to ya!

By Anonymous Taco Man - 03/08/2021 08:01 - United States

Today, my dog had REALLY bad diarrhea. I found that out when I woke up to find it all over my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 105

appygirlify 17

Monday 21 September 2015 22:32

hey, atleast your dog has priorities right?

zharks1010 18

Monday 21 September 2015 22:34

Obviously your dog can't understand that

Comments

saucybugger101 33

Monday 21 September 2015 23:33

Atleast your dog woke you up?

abby1212 27

Monday 21 September 2015 23:48

It's a dog, what do you expect?

pete9913 23

Tuesday 22 September 2015 0:14

Were you sick or drunk? That makes a big difference in my vote.

hardcorefan16 22

Tuesday 22 September 2015 1:09

That sucks

bob_tho_goldfish 16

Tuesday 22 September 2015 2:56

Are you sure your dog is not a cat

djm2010 8

Tuesday 22 September 2015 3:39

I don't blame her. You don't mess around with someone's food.

FalloutScrolls 25

Tuesday 22 September 2015 4:15

Man's best friend. OP is female. ...savage.

worldclassrager 39

Tuesday 22 September 2015 4:56

Looks like food comes first

Lazureneku777 13

Tuesday 22 September 2015 5:08

priorities.

StoneDefender 2

Tuesday 22 September 2015 6:00

To be fair, a human best friend would do the same.

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The Top

Today, I was enjoying the benefits of marriage with my new husband. We were changing positions when my joints started crackling and popping like my mother's did when I was a kid. My husband stopped, concerned about my possible pain... I'm 20 years-old and pop like an arthritic 50 year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 612

You deserved it 3 895

Today, my new wife and I got back from our honeymoon. Her parents had dropped our wedding gifts off at our apartment, but didn't lock the door. We came home to start off our new life together to a wrecked apartment and no gifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 407

You deserved it 3 021

The Top

Today, I was supposed to have my bridal shower, an experience I’ve looked forward to since I was a little girl. Yesterday I tested positive for Covid, for the third time in three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 656

You deserved it 228

Today, I seriously considered stepping in front of a car so that I could miss a few days of work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 410

You deserved it 2 976

Today, my newborn daughter has kept me up all day and all night for the past few days. Usually my husband sleeps. I finally cracked and yelled for his help, only for him to scream at me that he needs sleep and gives her to me anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 254

You deserved it 216

Today, my 10k dirt bike stopped starting. I used it once and owned it for less than 24 hours. Later in the afternoon, I dropped my phone and it cracked. Later in the evening, I was walking in my room towards my bed in the dark and I stubbed my toe on my Pc and one of the panels fell off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 298

You deserved it 346

Today, I pulled up to a red light. My ex was in the next car, and my car's windows are so tinted that you can't see through them, so I flipped him off. I was driving my mom's car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 877

You deserved it 30 707

Today, I found out that my dad has a therapist. That's cool. What's cooler is that she's a very nice lady, and even said to ME that I could talk too if I wanted to. Boy, do I want to. But if I did, then she would probably need a therapist herself, and the last thing my dad needs is his therapist needing a therapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 252

You deserved it 398