Miscellaneous: Today, I put one of those checkout dividers in front of my groceries...

By Quendolin - 09/11/2015 14:07 - Germany

Today, I put one of those checkout dividers in front of my groceries on the conveyor belt in the supermarket. The guy standing in front of me turned around, looked me straight in the eye and said "I don't trust you." as he put a second divider between our groceries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 879

You deserved it 2 602

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Same thing different taste

By lonelyheart4ever - 13/08/2016 01:58 - United States - Norman Park

Today, a man finally was flirting with me in a supermarket checkout lane, even offering to help unload my groceries onto the conveyor. Turns out he was just distracting everyone so his partner in crime could steal $200 from the cash register. I had to give a witness statement to the manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 326

You deserved it 1 473

By what_the_hell - 20/06/2013 08:35 - Finland - Helsinki

Today, while bagging my groceries at a store, a lady came over to me, took a good look at the food I'd bought, picked out an item and put it in her bag. When I confronted her, she called security on me and told them I wanted to steal her stuff. I got thrown out and she walked away with a smirk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 864

You deserved it 3 600

Casual something

By lukey101 - 14/02/2021 18:30 - Australia

Today, I went to the Asian Grocery. I politely smiled, bellowed, “Hello!” and kind of waved to the cashier as I walked in, to which he gave me a blank, scared-for-his-life kinda look. Turns out he was actually just another customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 641

You deserved it 429

How're you doing?

By figcurzyez - 23/05/2016 15:57 - United Kingdom - Harlow

Today, the checkout guy at my local store asked me if I had my hair cut. I answered and started talking about my hair, and he gave me a really weird look. He was talking to his friend, who I hadn't noticed in the queue behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 018

You deserved it 2 340

Supermarket sweep

By Anonymous - 20/09/2024 09:00 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was using self-checkout at the grocery store, and the machine flipped out and started randomly announcing, "Please wait for assistance." No one came to help, but the machine just kept loudly repeating it until everyone stared at me like I was trying to steal grapes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 72

By MissSmarts - 14/12/2009 01:27 - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store where this really cute guy works. I swiped my card but the machine wouldn't read it. I swiped it quickly some more before getting frustrated and saying, "Your stupid machine doesn't work!" He took the card and turned it around. His face said it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 977

You deserved it 39 669

By Nice Melons - 29/09/2013 21:12 - United States

Today, at work as a cashier, I was scanning cantaloupes. The man buying them then looked me straight in the eye and said, "Nice melons." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 703

You deserved it 4 950

Staircase wit at the checkout

By Anonymous - 21/10/2024 16:00 - United States - Galveston

Today, while in line at the grocery store, I was going over the witty but caustic things I wish I'd said in an argument earlier. Turns out, I was saying them out loud. The cashier gave me a weird look and said, “Are you okay, ma'am?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 120

You deserved it 441

By Anonymous - 24/07/2013 20:56 - United States - South Hadley

Today, I was buying condoms but was a little embarrassed so I went to the self-check. I scanned the condoms, then a magazine and tried to put the condoms under the magazines to hide them. The store guy saw me, thought I was shoplifting and I was kicked out of the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 844

You deserved it 15 940

No joke

By ohfuxx - 23/03/2022 10:00

Today, I learned that you can't fool the self-checkout scanner by taking six items and only paying for two. Sometimes, two big security guards may grab you by both arms and take you to their office. To convince them to let me off the hook, I desperately said that it was just a joke. They weren't laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 122

You deserved it 2 518

whatarethisss 23

Monday 9 November 2015 22:50

This is actually hilarious, lmao.

karacakal2 30

Monday 9 November 2015 22:52

You should've put a third one to assert dominance

Comments

Random4ever22 17

Tuesday 10 November 2015 7:36

I would never trust your perfectly acceptable divider either. Duh

BeenIt 5

Tuesday 10 November 2015 11:22

Now that is funny!

BawlmerHon24 17

Tuesday 10 November 2015 14:31

grocery stores bring out the weird in some people.

PinkGlitterBunny 8

Tuesday 10 November 2015 15:54

How is this a FML?

BooBooKittyF11 21

Tuesday 10 November 2015 16:36

i dont think its an fml i think thats more to be funny

midnightyell 6

Tuesday 10 November 2015 16:46

I am so doing this.

montygirl1 1

Tuesday 10 November 2015 18:07

This one made me laugh!!!

imbedderdenu 23

Tuesday 10 November 2015 20:00

Bahahahaha That's awesome

bad_boyfriend 10

Tuesday 10 November 2015 21:13

Apparently you have no sense of humor

Metallicality 5

Wednesday 11 November 2015 0:33

What the ****?

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I told my son to get a job and start paying rent. Five minutes later he transferred me rent for the next 5 years. When I demanded to know where he got that kind of money, he showed me his bank statements. He’s made more money mining Bitcoin than I’ve made in 15 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 273

You deserved it 1 363

Today, I was called by my son's school. They said he'd been forging my signature and comments in his reading book. He didn't forge them. I don't know what's worse: my handwriting looking like a 6 year-old's, or being too cowardly to admit it. He has a week of lunch detention, but I still have my dignity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 391

You deserved it 115 808

The Top

Today, I signed a two-year lease on a house. My next-door neighbor said she's in love with me, threatened my girlfriend, and won't stop blasting Taylor Swift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 488

You deserved it 4 022

Today, a girl on my Snapchat list posted a story asking for anybody who was awake to talk to her. Me being awake, I took her up on the request. Her response? "Sorry I didn't mean you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 118

You deserved it 1 648

Today, my girlfriend finally got a Facebook account. Too bad she doesn't know the difference between a wall post and a message. She just described how much she enjoyed our sex last night, in great detail. My mom liked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 051

You deserved it 8 849

Today, I was talking to my brother about how careless people are. Minutes later, I shocked myself with my dog's shock-collar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 915

You deserved it 35 678

Today, I waited 45 minutes at the Apple Store for my grandpa to very loudly ask why PornHub wasn't loading on his computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 069

You deserved it 2 191

Today, I got a brand new couch. My husband told me to keep our puppy off of it so we could keep it nice. She jumped on it, and as I picked her up to put her back on the floor, her claws dragged across it and ripped two of the cushions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 609

You deserved it 9 691