Intimacy: Today, I realized how out of shape I am, when I couldn't finish...

By RyanM - 13/02/2011 09:01 - Canada

Today, I realized how out of shape I am, when I couldn't finish masturbating because I ran out of breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 987

You deserved it 64 715

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Same thing different taste

Keep fit!

By anonymous - 13/04/2020 02:00

Today, my girlfriend and I were on the phone. She heard I was out of breath and asked me, "Are you okay?" I didn't have the heart to tell her that she'd caught me masturbating, and I'm so out of shape it sounded like I'd ran a marathon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 371

You deserved it 1 677

By Jack Shart Jr. - 08/07/2015 15:16 - United States

Today, I'm so out of shape that I got winded from getting out of bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 064

You deserved it 18 032

Out of shape

By Anonymous - 28/06/2022 02:00

Today, I’m now so unfit, I had to stop halfway through sex with my wife to catch my breath, and in the end we just gave up, as clearly neither of us was having an orgasm today. I don’t get it, I weigh exactly 11 stone and exercise regularly, but I have no stamina and shit lungs. I hate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 278

You deserved it 348

Fresh and not Fit

By Anonymous - 14/06/2011 01:08 - United States

Today, I ran out of breath while mowing the lawn. I was on a riding lawn mower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 817

You deserved it 54 644

Take it easy

By Endrit Begolli - 27/06/2023 00:02 - Albania

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in months. I was so out of shape that I couldn't even finish my warm-up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 248

Wanking to death

By Anonymous - 30/11/2013 00:17 - United States - Alpharetta

Today, I was rubbing one out in the shower. I guess I got a little too excited, because as I came close to climaxing, I had a serious asthma attack and had to wheeze for help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 752

You deserved it 12 427

Health is overrated

By Anonymous - 16/03/2022 12:00

Today, trying to get into shape because I run out of breath after walking more than 30 minutes, I started to hit the gym. Too bad my legs didn’t want to cooperate and decided that it would cause limping-worthy pain for every step I took on the treadmill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 190

By Anonymous - 29/10/2009 04:07 - United States

Today, I went running for the first time in a few months. I had what I thought was an asthma attack. When I got home, I realized that it was not asthma, but instead I have gained so much weight that my running bra restricted my breathing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 632

You deserved it 31 328

Getting on

By Anonymous - 01/05/2021 23:00

Today, I realized that I’m old, and that it’s been too long since I had sex or even masturbated. How did I notice? Because I tried to, and I found out I couldn’t comfortably spread my legs that far anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 066

You deserved it 288

Knackered and shattered

By Out of Shape - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Egypt

Today, I decided to start exercising. I almost passed out five minutes into the warm up, and couldn't even stand in the shower afterwards. I'm only 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 125

You deserved it 35 886

DJR_fml 2

Sunday 13 February 2011 16:22

did you know 5 out of 5 guys. **********.. :O

Raddaya 3

Sunday 13 February 2011 16:26

Sir, this is the funniest FML I have ever seen. Thank you for making my day. As a reward, I bless you that you will succesfully **********.

Comments

voirontship 0

Tuesday 15 February 2011 1:18

l o l

LoverBoy02 0

Tuesday 15 February 2011 12:27

Hahhaahhahahahahahahahhahaha!!

ffourlife 1

Tuesday 15 February 2011 12:35

haha

Veganpm 0

Wednesday 16 February 2011 6:54

Omg I haven't laughed this hard in a long time!!

phill119 1

Wednesday 16 February 2011 10:23

hahaha!

TheOtherNewest1 6

Wednesday 16 February 2011 19:43

And I jizzed, in, my pants.

FTW56 0

Saturday 19 February 2011 10:57

i love jizzing in my pants

sbwaves 0

Thursday 17 February 2011 6:44

ha.ha.ha... fat ass

juultjeh 1

Thursday 17 February 2011 16:17

you're genious but i truely feel bad for you.. if you can't even come by yourself..

wehttam727 0

Friday 18 February 2011 5:47

i like gurls!

supahnazi 0

Monday 21 February 2011 1:52

hey, practice makes perfect ;)

Keywords

Poopoo peepee Love Embarrassing Miscellaneous Romantic Christmas Break-ups Annoying Money Gross Argument Ironic Awkward Friends Cute Haircut Lonely Holidays Relatable Work Bosses Capitalism Cars You're fired Covid Health Cheating Jealousy Parenting Kids

The Top

Today, my parents told me that unless I think about my behaviour and make some real changes, people are going to think I’m weird or suspicious, and I’ll never make friends. This is because I choose to attend church on Sundays instead of watching TV and getting drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 384

You deserved it 272

Today, my son asked for my help with a personal matter. I was flattered that he trusted me, since he's a paranoid, untrusting psycho. Turned out he wanted to use my locksmith skills to break into his ex's house and "teach her a lesson" for breaking up with him after he cheated on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 866

You deserved it 5 424

The Top

Today, I asked my husband to be a little more responsible, pick up after himself, and spend a little less. I earn more than he does, so it's usually my money that he splurges. He has gone on a non-stop tantrum for the past 5 hours, giving me the cold shoulder, and shouting at me. What have I gotten myself into? FML

I agree, your life sucks 950

You deserved it 196

Today, I was at the library using a computer to order a package. A man sat down next to me mumbling to himself while staring at me. As I got up to go to the printer, he pointed at me and screamed, "I will burn you alive and enjoy it!" All of my info including my address was still on the computer screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 040

You deserved it 5 330

Today, one of my classmates put hand sanitizer on my seat. I took one look at my seat and said, “You honestly believe I’m going to fall for that?” I then got laughed at anyway, because I’m disliked enough for them to do that. That’s right, I get bullied for being bullied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 012

You deserved it 129

Today, I caught a customer using his fat to shoplift gum out of a store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 161

You deserved it 3 066

Today, after months of celibacy due to being utterly single in this pandemic, I finally got to look a man in the eyes while being deepthroated. Oh. I wasn't gagging on his penis, no no, it was on a Covid test swab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 497

You deserved it 324

Today, I got head lice, so I went to a store to buy medicated shampoo. When checking out the cashier saw my shampoo and asked me to leave immediately to protect the other customers. He didn't let me buy the shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 832

You deserved it 3 585

Same thing different taste

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