Intimacy: Today, I realized I have erectile dysfunction while drunk, and...

By Anonymous - 24/10/2013 21:26 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I realized I have erectile dysfunction while drunk, and premature ejaculation while sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 956

You deserved it 6 304

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Same thing different taste

By ShitFaced - 01/03/2012 11:35 - United States

Today, I realized I've never had sex with someone who was sober at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 099

You deserved it 21 622

Rollercoaster ride

By Anonymous - 28/09/2019 06:00 - Australia

Today, I had had sex while sober for the first time in years. It was really awkward, bumpy, and I kept on apologizing for being so terrible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 011

You deserved it 1 787

By tequilashot - 20/09/2016 04:40 - Brazil - Porto Alegre

Today, I finally had sex with the man with whom I've been in love for months. Too bad I was too drunk to remember a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 626

You deserved it 4 831

By pride? what's that? :( - 01/09/2012 00:23 - Belgium - Leuven

Today, I was feeling depressed and got very, very drunk. This evening, I was feeling equally desperate, and ended up having to get my special dildo removed from my asshole at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 807

You deserved it 40 513

By Anonymous - 02/10/2010 04:28 - United States

Today, I got a little too drunk and confessed to my fiancé, the love of my life, that I've been faking my orgasms all along. I hate that I can't lie when I'm drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 447

You deserved it 41 321

By Fartini - 07/11/2016 06:47

Today, I discovered that alcohol makes me red-faced, extremely gassy and eager to discuss my virginity with everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 259

You deserved it 2 439

By Anonymous - 08/01/2010 11:48 - United States

Today, I woke up and felt that my arm was sore. I got so drunk last night, I got an unprofessional tattoo of a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 922

You deserved it 51 000

By brokedick - 12/12/2011 06:23 - United States

Today, after 5 years of no intimate, sexual contact with a woman, I finally got my chance. Unfortunately, I also discovered that I have full-on erectile dysfunction. I'm 23 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 397

You deserved it 4 092

By sos - 17/01/2011 03:59 - United States

Today, I found out that I can't pass a field sobriety test while sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 255

You deserved it 4 723

Completely wet

By Anonymous - 27/02/2020 20:00

Today, I was drinking too much and I have to pee constantly, so I went to bed without my girlfriend. Hours later she woke me up wanting sex, but she realized that I pissed the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 742

You deserved it 2 046

doctorr_fml 9

Friday 25 October 2013 8:21

Stay drunk and take a Viagra

daniel_dd31 13

Friday 25 October 2013 10:05

I don't know if mixing Viagra with alcohol is a good idea.

Comments

rgriff27 19

Friday 25 October 2013 8:32

It's a happy medium!

graceinsheepwear 33

Friday 25 October 2013 8:32

Get up and get out!

Dodge4x4Ram 46

Friday 25 October 2013 8:37

be like Neo & take the blue pill

Riku714 25

Friday 25 October 2013 8:39

Meet halfway?

cosicosei 22

Friday 25 October 2013 8:41

Time to get... Tipsy...? Seems the the logical medium there

boating_guy 33

Friday 25 October 2013 9:08

boom. problem solved^

ihpp 22

Friday 25 October 2013 9:08

Don't worry my hubby has that problem when drunk, too. your not alone.

\ 28

Friday 25 October 2013 9:19

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

SmokinGuns 13

Friday 25 October 2013 9:27

Smoke weed instead

CoffeeChickBlows 13

Friday 25 October 2013 11:13

Um yeah.. being a limpdick is his problem, not a solution to it, genius.

LaLince 40

Friday 25 October 2013 9:41

Stay sober and just sync your breathing with the speed you're hitting. that helps lasting much longer.

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The Top

Today, my mother worked out that my boyfriend and I are having sex. Instead of confronting me about it, she now just sits and stares at me judgmentally whenever I'm in the same room as her, making me feel incredibly uncomfortable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 363

You deserved it 6 977

Today, I found out from some guy that he and my wife had been having an affair for over year. She confessed to everything, and said they had already broken it off. She also admitted that she would've never mentioned it to me if I'd never found out on my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 451

You deserved it 103

The Top

Today, I went to a Jack's Mannequin concert. I'd asked this girl I'm interested in to come with me, and she insisted that she had to bring her two year-old son with us. I'd told her it was no problem. Ten minutes into it, she said we needed to leave because it was too loud for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 065

You deserved it 10 172

Today, my bank, being overly paranoid about fraud, declined my Christmas purchase on Amazon because I usually don't spend that much all at once. Instead of Amazon simply asking to try the card again, they instead switched to a different card in the wallet. Which would be fine, except it's a shared family account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 134

Today, I had a 10 hour drive to Las Vegas with only 2 CDs, Taylor Swift and Jason Mraz, and my girlfriend who thinks she's a good singer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 835

You deserved it 8 987

Today, after scouring my apartment for quarters to do laundry, I found the correct amount of change. The change got jammed in the washing machine. I now have no more quarters, and my clothes are caked with soap from washing them in the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 287

You deserved it 3 946

Today, I found my high school diary and decided to read it for nostalgia. My teenage self wrote, “Future me will totally be rich, famous, and married to Chris Hemsworth by 30.” I’m 32, single, and googling “How to fix a clogged toilet.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 378

You deserved it 166

Today, I woke up with a mouthful of cat hair. I don't have any recollection of how this could've happened. My most plausible idea is that my cat shoved his face in my mouth while I was asleep. But how did I not wake up from that? Maybe when I'm done pulling all the hairs out of my mouth, I can think about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 695

You deserved it 186

Same thing different taste

Rollercoaster ride

Completely wet

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